krisi
Well-Known Member
So...
I have always been blessed to have friends. If I want to hang out with someone, I know that at least 1 person will respond and we will find something fun to do. I have a few "close" friends, but I"m not exactly sure what that means. Sometimes I have someone that I may refer to as my "best friend", but that never lasts very long. Therein lies the problem.
I have issues with my emotions (anyone on else here experience this?). Sometimes things just become too much, and I shut down, or break down, or melt down (all of which are slightly different, I'll explain if someone asks). People just don't want to deal with that. So, on the one hand, some friends expect that will share your emotions with them. "Close" friends and "best" friends are supposed to be people that you can count on to be supportive and understanding most of the time. I hear people say "She/he's my best friend. I can tell him/her anything." On the other hand, as previously stated, people just don't want to deal with the fact that I just shut down sometimes. People get irritated. I've given it some thought, and I think it scares people because they don't know what to do, particularly if I'm having trouble expressing why I'm acting the way I am, or if there isn't a clear reason for it.
I've had enough friends leave me because of my emotional issues that I really find it hard to trust friends who say they love me, even if I believe they are being genuinely sincere. I am often told this when meltdowns/shutdowns/breakdowns occur, and all I can do is wonder "for how long?", because I know they won't want to keep dealing with that.
Also, it feels like I am often everyone's "second choice"--as long as they have nothing better to do, they'll hang out with me. If their "best friend" is away for the weekend, then they ask if I want to hang out. If they're fighting with their boyfriend, they call me and ask if we can hang out and talk until they feel better. If another friend calls them after they have already made plans with me, they cancel on me instead of telling their other friend that they already had plans. I don't know if this has something to do with the issues I've discussed above, or if it's totally an unrelated issue, but it's been bothering me, too.
I now have a very good friend who has been very patient with me every time something has happened (which has been a lot more frequently recently due to stress and other life circumstances that are hard to deal with), and I really appreciate her kindness, but I'm scared of losing her. That anxiety in and of itself creates emotional issues when we're together and makes me more likely to shut down.
Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any advice at all in keeping friends, being honest about emotions, controlling emotions, or anything else mentioned here? Anything would be appreciated.
"TLDR People": Sorry it's long.If you don't feel like reading the whole thing, just read the bold text.
I have always been blessed to have friends. If I want to hang out with someone, I know that at least 1 person will respond and we will find something fun to do. I have a few "close" friends, but I"m not exactly sure what that means. Sometimes I have someone that I may refer to as my "best friend", but that never lasts very long. Therein lies the problem.
I have issues with my emotions (anyone on else here experience this?). Sometimes things just become too much, and I shut down, or break down, or melt down (all of which are slightly different, I'll explain if someone asks). People just don't want to deal with that. So, on the one hand, some friends expect that will share your emotions with them. "Close" friends and "best" friends are supposed to be people that you can count on to be supportive and understanding most of the time. I hear people say "She/he's my best friend. I can tell him/her anything." On the other hand, as previously stated, people just don't want to deal with the fact that I just shut down sometimes. People get irritated. I've given it some thought, and I think it scares people because they don't know what to do, particularly if I'm having trouble expressing why I'm acting the way I am, or if there isn't a clear reason for it.
I've had enough friends leave me because of my emotional issues that I really find it hard to trust friends who say they love me, even if I believe they are being genuinely sincere. I am often told this when meltdowns/shutdowns/breakdowns occur, and all I can do is wonder "for how long?", because I know they won't want to keep dealing with that.
Also, it feels like I am often everyone's "second choice"--as long as they have nothing better to do, they'll hang out with me. If their "best friend" is away for the weekend, then they ask if I want to hang out. If they're fighting with their boyfriend, they call me and ask if we can hang out and talk until they feel better. If another friend calls them after they have already made plans with me, they cancel on me instead of telling their other friend that they already had plans. I don't know if this has something to do with the issues I've discussed above, or if it's totally an unrelated issue, but it's been bothering me, too.
I now have a very good friend who has been very patient with me every time something has happened (which has been a lot more frequently recently due to stress and other life circumstances that are hard to deal with), and I really appreciate her kindness, but I'm scared of losing her. That anxiety in and of itself creates emotional issues when we're together and makes me more likely to shut down.
Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any advice at all in keeping friends, being honest about emotions, controlling emotions, or anything else mentioned here? Anything would be appreciated.
"TLDR People": Sorry it's long.If you don't feel like reading the whole thing, just read the bold text.