Do You Have 'Meltdown Days' With no Apparent Trigger?

[FlowerChild]

This is my first time posting; hello to everyone! I am a 25 year old woman and only found out I am an Aspie about six months ago. Since then it feels as though my whole life, past and present, all of a sudden makes sense. I am starting to recognise triggers, mood patterns, and situations that enduce Aspie behaviours like stimming, however I am still at a loss as to why some days I can wake up and feel as though I am on the verge of a meltdown for no apparent reason. I spend all day curled tightly in a ball in my home office chair, stimming and rocking back and forth, and feel generally as though there is a huge ball of negative energy in my chest. I can't focus, I have no idea how to comfort myself, and even if the choices that day are limited to picking a TV show or what to eat, I feel incapable of making even tiny decisions without bordering on tears and full-blown meltdown. The best I can do is put on music with roughly the same bpm as the human heart beat, and stim to the beat, which seems to help, although obviously that's not always a feasible option.

It is the exact equivalent of seeing a small child with their parent in the supermarket, and the child is clearly about to implode into tears and a tantrum, the lip is shaking and everything's ready to go to hell, but the parent is just an outside observer unable to calm them or provide comfort; they can only brace for the storm. I feel like both the child and adult in that scenario; I feel the meltdown engulfing me, but I am helpless to stop it or address the underlying cause. Does anybody else ever feel like this; are there any patterns which you've noticed contribute to this feeling in the days leading up to it? Sometimes I think it is just certain dreams really stick with me and affect me all day, as if they actually happened. Does anybody else get this?

Thanks in advance everyone, I am new here and I really love the community so far, although this is the first time I've gotten the courage to post; I shall endeavour to contribute more from now on, and look forward to hearing from you.

 

[StephF]

Yes, sometimes

 

[James Dunn]

Yes I do at times and I can feel it coming on the night before. I stay at home and curled up rocking and stimming to try to get myself together. i wish i knew what those triggers were and I could set out a plan and program to try to avoid them.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh yes, this is so me and I am 45 and married to an nt!

I stim when excited and when stressed and when frightened; in the form of bouncing my legs up and down and tapping my face. I tend to curl up in my mind though; I used to go to bed, but find that it doesn't work anymore.

Life is so overwhelming at times, that my mind goes blank on, as you say, the simplest things in life, so I endeavor to have a mental list and sort of tick each one off, as I complete things; I get incredibly panicky when I know things need doing, but I have no desire to do them.

My husband asked if I would post a letter this morning and because I took courage and went to our bins and the bottle bank, I pushed myself to walk to the post box; now this is the point: I can see my home from the post box, but in my mind, my home is so far away! I listen to my music and wear my sun glasses. If I thought too deeply about it all, I would not have taken the courage to post the damn letter!!!

I only recently embraced fully that I am an aspie. I discovered aspergers several year's ago, but fearful of ascertaining that I am; no chance of getting formally diagnosed, but I know without a doubt I am and this site has helped enormously in confirming this.

My husband is trying to get his head around it, but tends to be nervous about admitting it fully because he thinks that I am going to jump right in and say that he has to work around me completely or make excuses for traits; not that I have ever done so before when ill! He has insisted that I work around him, but, perhaps because of how I have been of late, he was amazingly looking at a link for female aspies, but has not said anything and I guess I am too nervous to ask, in case he says negative things like: so what? What do you expect now eh?

He is always out to improve me and that is very hard to live with!

 

[Harrison]

No, any time I have a meltdown it also has a defined trigger that is activated by a cascading failure in other areas. Learning how that cascade effect works has helped me control the frequency of my meltdowns.

 

[Spiller]

I've been aware of AS for nearly two years, before which I was just a mess of different tics, anxieties, ups and downs and total confusion.
Having spent this time monitoring myself from the viewpoint of having AS, I find I'm mostly able to regulate meltdowns and shutdowns with a combination of routinue, CBT-type therapy, excercise and meditation.
Despite all this though, I'm also aware of a sine wave cycling between functioning and non-functioning such that, when I'm 'up' I can work to gradually desensitise myself to anxiety intensive situations, but when I'm 'down' I'm best off staying home, keeping to myself and having an easy day.
I'm not aware of any trigger that occurs in relation to the up and down periods, I just think they're a natural part of the condition as I experience it.
There seem to be daily, weekly and roughly 3-monthly cycles and it's the latter that cause me difficulty in adapting routinue and therapy-style positive thinking to cope, especially as events and other people constantly seem to conspire to throw my timetable out.

 

[watersprite]

I've been aware of AS for nearly two years, before which I was just a mess of different tics, anxieties, ups and downs and total confusion.
Having spent this time monitoring myself from the viewpoint of having AS, I find I'm mostly able to regulate meltdowns and shutdowns with a combination of routinue, CBT-type therapy, excercise and meditation.
Despite all this though, I'm also aware of a sine wave cycling between functioning and non-functioning such that, when I'm 'up' I can work to gradually desensitise myself to anxiety intensive situations, but when I'm 'down' I'm best off staying home, keeping to myself and having an easy day.
I'm not aware of any trigger that occurs in relation to the up and down periods, I just think they're a natural part of the condition as I experience it.
There seem to be daily, weekly and roughly 3-monthly cycles and it's the latter that cause me difficulty in adapting routinue and therapy-style positive thinking to cope, especially as events and other people constantly seem to conspire to throw my timetable out.

Well said. This pretty much describes what I experience too. I got diagnosed this year and am still categorizing triggers and learning how best to go about scheduling rest days to prevent shutdowns or worse.

 

[CloudRomy]

Yes, although I wonder if I sometimes don't recognise the trigger. I think overwhelm of any kind can cause them.

 

[garnetflower13]

I do get that way, and I feel a strong suspicion that it could be a delayed reaction from something that happened previously. I do notice that it takes me awhile to process emotions; sometimes I will be upset with no clear idea of how and why the upset is happening but given time, I will realize that I am finally reacting to something that might have happened a few days ago. So if I wake feeling unable to cope it may well be delayed processing.

 

[Balkan1996]

Yes, it's that thing we do because we can't control our emotions. Nothing unusual AND you can work on that to improve it!

Mind makes you skilled. Experience makes you master.

 

[Naturalist]

I do get that way, and I feel a strong suspicion that it could be a delayed reaction from something that happened previously. I do notice that it takes me awhile to process emotions; sometimes I will be upset with no clear idea of how and why the upset is happening but given time, I will realize that I am finally reacting to something that might have happened a few days ago. So if I wake feeling unable to cope it may well be delayed processing.

I definitely get "meltdown days" for no apparent reason, but I have often arrived at the conclusion described by Garnetflower13: that they are a delayed reaction to triggers or general overwhelm from the previous day or the past week. If the reaction lasts (as it has the past few weeks) I would characterize it as a shutdown.

On meltdown days I am very much on edge, and snap at people easily. This is embarrassing to me later so I just try to avoid people. In college, I had a difficult time meeting attendance requirements because I couldn't bring myself to go to class. But at that time I did not have any idea what was "amiss" with me, and certainly did not have any dispensations from the learning resources center at the college. Now I am fortunate to have a very flexible job and at least some scheduled time each day to be alone in my office to stim or relax, but occasionally I still have to claim a "mental health" day.

 

[Aurore]

Yes, it happens to me sometimes and it's quite disturbing. I also think there is a trigger, but I'm not able to recognize it.

 

[Slithytoves]

I can't honestly tell if I ever have true Aspie meltdowns at all. Having comorbid anxiety and depression can make it very difficult to discern what might be an AS-related meltdown, as opposed to a garden variety anxiety spike that triggers a blowout to relieve the tension.

I've stopped wondering why I do what I do, in most cases. The fact is that I do it, regardless of why, and I have only modest control over it. I prefer to focus on how to lessen the severity or avoid doing it altogether, which is achieved by the same methods no matter what causes an event. I also don't like to discount that some of my less lovely moments might just be part of my essential temperament, not attributable to any particular diagnosis.

 

[nyxjord]

Yes I definitely have this happen. Generally I have a meltdown when something touches or hits me without my prior knowledge of imminence. That's generally the only time I have a meltdown but then I become both self-destructive (grinding teeth now and biting hand when child) and destructive of whatever hit/touched me. Most of the time I wish I lived in a bubble.

 

[HisShadowX]

It's always a cause and effect with me even if I lose things or track of things. With my children I am always very calm and always able to calm down quickly it's a sort of understand and quick calm I've never had with anyone else

 

[Progster]

I very definitely have bad days when I feel more uptight. There's always a reason for it, but sometimes I can't put my finger on what it is that's bothering me. Sometimes I'm out in town or the supermarket and I become suddenly very fearful and I freeze without there being anything specific that is bothering me.

At certain times of the months feelings of anxiey or paranoia can get a lot worse, and then I have very sensitive days where sensory issues bother me more than they usually do and that can cause a lot of stress and cause a meltdown.

 

[artfull dodger]

I definatly have days that flirt with melting down all day. I usualy cannot focus while at work, have no ambition to do anything productive, I will stim, be short or snap at people and other wise be a not so nice person to be around. If I am at home, I will sometimes go back to bed and curl up and try to calm myself down, sometimes works, sometimes not. I did this even before understanding what was going on with me.