FlowerChild
Well-Known Member
This is my first time posting; hello to everyone! I am a 25 year old woman and only found out I am an Aspie about six months ago. Since then it feels as though my whole life, past and present, all of a sudden makes sense. I am starting to recognise triggers, mood patterns, and situations that enduce Aspie behaviours like stimming, however I am still at a loss as to why some days I can wake up and feel as though I am on the verge of a meltdown for no apparent reason. I spend all day curled tightly in a ball in my home office chair, stimming and rocking back and forth, and feel generally as though there is a huge ball of negative energy in my chest. I can't focus, I have no idea how to comfort myself, and even if the choices that day are limited to picking a TV show or what to eat, I feel incapable of making even tiny decisions without bordering on tears and full-blown meltdown. The best I can do is put on music with roughly the same bpm as the human heart beat, and stim to the beat, which seems to help, although obviously that's not always a feasible option.
It is the exact equivalent of seeing a small child with their parent in the supermarket, and the child is clearly about to implode into tears and a tantrum, the lip is shaking and everything's ready to go to hell, but the parent is just an outside observer unable to calm them or provide comfort; they can only brace for the storm. I feel like both the child and adult in that scenario; I feel the meltdown engulfing me, but I am helpless to stop it or address the underlying cause. Does anybody else ever feel like this; are there any patterns which you've noticed contribute to this feeling in the days leading up to it? Sometimes I think it is just certain dreams really stick with me and affect me all day, as if they actually happened. Does anybody else get this?
Thanks in advance everyone, I am new here and I really love the community so far, although this is the first time I've gotten the courage to post; I shall endeavour to contribute more from now on, and look forward to hearing from you.
It is the exact equivalent of seeing a small child with their parent in the supermarket, and the child is clearly about to implode into tears and a tantrum, the lip is shaking and everything's ready to go to hell, but the parent is just an outside observer unable to calm them or provide comfort; they can only brace for the storm. I feel like both the child and adult in that scenario; I feel the meltdown engulfing me, but I am helpless to stop it or address the underlying cause. Does anybody else ever feel like this; are there any patterns which you've noticed contribute to this feeling in the days leading up to it? Sometimes I think it is just certain dreams really stick with me and affect me all day, as if they actually happened. Does anybody else get this?
Thanks in advance everyone, I am new here and I really love the community so far, although this is the first time I've gotten the courage to post; I shall endeavour to contribute more from now on, and look forward to hearing from you.