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Do you hate generosity ?

GoofKing

All your bases are belong to us
I've always dislike getting something for free from people and didn't know how else to phrase the title of this thread but an example of this dislike is when I'm playing an online game like Dragon of Atlantis and someone in my alliance gives me a crap load of resources or troops out of generosity. I'm stuck whether I should just thank the player or not because he or she has told me that it was really no big deal and that it was sort of pocket change compared to how much this player gains per hour.

I dunno why I feel so awkward about this, maybe I feel that I'm bad at this game or dunno if I'll be able to repay the player or not, which of course I do want to at some time. It helps me feel better when I get the chance to send some resources to some other player in my alliance who needs it as well as I have gotten up to 500 million resources because a couple of players were generous in the first place :/

This is also the awkwardness I felt when I was in high school and some student loans me fifty cents ...
 
I guess it is always easier to give than to receive, and receiving a gift gracefully is enriching for both the giver and the receiver.

Having said that, I have experienced the same feelings that you describe. I may get a gift that I don't really like or need or know what to do with - awkward. Sometimes I get a gift and I feel I didn't really deserve it.

However, I have consciously taught myself to receive a gift given out of generosity as gracefully as I can, because I know that this makes the giver feel really good, and I like to be able to make others feel good about themselves. So this is my gift to them.
 
Sometimes, the best gift you can give is to receive. How would you feel if you saw an old woman struggling to cross the street and went over to help her . She refused your help for no good reason. You were thinking "I could help her so easily".
I am the same way. I am a giver and have trouble receiving, but I have learned that it is actually selfish to refuse things as the giver is doing so out of desire and the feeling that they can do some good.
Don't prevent someone from doing good. No one likes rejection.
 
When someone gives me a gift out of generosity, it makes me think I either did something to deserve the gift, or I owe that person something in return. I also don't really know how to react to it appropriately, in the way that most people are expected to react - I have always been bad at showing appreciation for gifts, so it makes me feel kind of uncomfortable when people give me things, because I kind of feel like my reaction is under scrutiny..
 
Sometimes, the best gift you can give is to receive. How would you feel if you saw an old woman struggling to cross the street and went over to help her. She refused your help for no good reason. You were thinking "I could help her so easily".
In that kind of case, though, it's often a matter of pride leading to the refusal. Of course we want to help people who are struggling, but sometimes that offer can feel oppressive. I don't think it's necessarily selfish to refuse help---it may be unwise, but not selfish.

I've lived for almost twenty-five years with cerebral palsy, and in my younger years I was much weaker, so naturally I took many tumbles on the playground. Every time I fell, about ten to fifteen kids would swarm me and try to help me up. I obviously appreciated their concern, but I could do it myself, and told them so. Some of them took it personally, but I don't think they understood the situation from my perspective. The fact that I was surrounded by people gave me little room to move and get up, so I looked even weaker. I didn't much care for that.

So yes, do good, but don't smother. There is such a thing as oppressive pity.
 
I feel kind of awkward when I get something for nothing and I always feel the need to offer something in return so it'll be a fair trade. Kind of nice, then, that I actually earned the Xbox 360 my friend gave me. He had two of 'em that weren't working and he said if I could fix them, I could keep one. Good deal.
 
I like genuine generosity, which is rare. This is when the gift is truly a gift - free of attachments, expectation, and the creation of any resulting indebtedness to the gifter.

I dislike any and all forms of faux generosity, however. Don't give me something to get something. If you want something from me, then ask for it. Don't try to create a situation where I owe you something, though.
 
Maybe this has something to do with it.

Intrinsic and extrinsic motivation[edit]
Motivation can be divided into two types: intrinsic (internal) motivation and extrinsic (external) motivation.

Intrinsic motivation
Intrinsic motivation refers to motivation that is driven by an interest or enjoyment in the task itself, and exists within the individual rather than relying on external pressures or a desire for reward. Intrinsic motivation has been studied since the early 1970s.The phenomenon of intrinsic motivation was first acknowledged within experimental studies of animal behavior. In these studies, it was evident that the organisms would engage in playful and curiosity driven behaviors in the absence of reward. Intrinsic motivation is a natural motivational tendency and is a critical element in cognitive, social, and physical development.[4] Students who are intrinsically motivated are more likely to engage in the task willingly as well as work to improve their skills, which will increase their capabilities.[5] Students are likely to be intrinsically motivated if they:

  • attribute their educational results to factors under their own control, also known as autonomy or locus of control
  • believe they have the skills to be effective agents in reaching their desired goals, also known as self-efficacy beliefs
  • are interested in mastering a topic, not just in achieving good grades
Extrinsic motivation
Extrinsic motivation refers to the performance of an activity in order to attain an outcome, whether or not that activity is also intrinsically motivated. Extrinsic motivation comes from outside of the individual. Common extrinsic motivations are rewards (for example money or grades) for showing the desired behavior, and the threat of punishment following misbehavior. Competition is in an extrinsic motivator because it encourages the performer to win and to beat others, not simply to enjoy the intrinsic rewards of the activity. A cheering crowd and the desire to win a trophy are also extrinsic incentives.[6]

Comparison of intrinsic and extrinsic motivation
Social psychological research has indicated that extrinsic rewards can lead to overjustification and a subsequent reduction in intrinsic motivation. In one study demonstrating this effect, children who expected to be (and were) rewarded with a ribbon and a gold star for drawing pictures spent less time playing with the drawing materials in subsequent observations than children who were assigned to an unexpected reward condition.[7] However, another study showed that third graders who were rewarded with a book showed more reading behavior in the future, implying that some rewards do not undermine intrinsic motivation.[8] While the provision of extrinsic rewards might reduce the desirability of an activity, the use of extrinsic constraints, such as the threat of punishment, against performing an activity has actually been found to increase one's intrinsic interest in that activity. In one study, when children were given mild threats against playing with an attractive toy, it was found that the threat actually served to increase the child's interest in the toy, which was previously undesirable to the child in the absence of threat.[9]

For those children who received no extrinsic reward, self-determination theory proposes that extrinsic motivation can be internalized by the individual if the task fits with their values and beliefs and therefore helps to fulfill their basic psychological needs.
 
I adore generosity. When I see or experience generosity I emotionally moved. I am too often over generous my own self. :D
 
It is much easier for me to help than be helped. It doesn't bother me one bit grab something off a high shelf, hold a door, or whatever for somebody else, but I feel so awkward when I'm on the receiving end. Some things I kind of treat like somebody is using me for a bank and I'll keep their gifts in reserve somewhere because I figure they'll need it back at some point. Like game items and things like that.
 
I hate generous people - they're such assholes with their generosity and good will... I know right where they can stick their world peace and philanthropy...


J/K, lol
 
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I hate generous people - they're such assholes with their generosity and good will... I know right where they can stick there world peace and philanthropy...


J/K, lol

That's not what I meant and I'm beginning to wish that I titled this thread something else :/

It's not that I don't appreciate the extra help from this player in my alliance, but it kind of makes me feel incompetent at the game a little bit.

I think everyone in my alliance (or most of them) knows that I didn't plan my city or resource buildings according the Wikipedia strategy guide on it. Your suppose to set up few homes and mostly Garrisons to house and train troops and build only one or two farms I think because you can get food from attacking anthro camps ...

I have way too many homes and farms :/ So my alliance is helping me out and I feel like I'm dragging them down a little bit ...
 
I get the feeling. I appreciate generosity, but when I get a gift (unless it is my birthday) I feel a little uncomfortable because I don´t know how to react. I don´t know If I should say "thankyou" just once or more times. People acts like it´s not a big deal, but I don´t want to appear ungrateful, so I think that ingeneral I say "thankyou" more times than expected.
 
It's best to say "thank you" 1-2 times for a gift. People will act like it's not a big deal, but inside they do make a big deal about it. Like it's a big deal if you don't attempt to say thank you at all, but it's not a big deal if you appropriately say so because it's generally socially expected and proper. . .
 
It doesn't matter now :/ The couple of player's from my alliance, who gave me the generous gift of some extra resources wasted their time because I was wiped clean of them from a power player with over a billion power points (meaning he or she was carrying some major troops) ...

To add insult to injury, the player even laughed about it and basically told me to go kill myself because of my mere 100K of power and weak troops :(

Why ? Because some assholes have to compensate for having a tiny dick!

Some people have to feel better than others by being the top bullies in online games :|

I left the game and can't play with people who has to spend loads of cash just to be a bad ass in some game :| Good for them!

... At least I helped some people out in my alliance by sharing a lot of the resources with them.

I didn't tell them about this because It's too shameful and I didn't want to jerk to think I'm just the weak player in the alliance, who goes to the bigger players with power for help ...

Turns out instead, I'm the weak player who cried and left the game ...
 
Generosity is usually about intent, not the recipient's feeling about it. You never have to accept generosity blindly, and often explaining why you don't want/need it is a kind of generosity in itself.
 
It doesn't matter now :/ The couple of player's from my alliance, who gave me the generous gift of some extra resources wasted their time because I was wiped clean of them from a power player with over a billion power points (meaning he or she was carrying some major troops) ...

To add insult to injury, the player even laughed about it and basically told me to go kill myself because of my mere 100K of power and weak troops :(

Why ? Because some assholes have to compensate for having a tiny dick!

Some people have to feel better than others by being the top bullies in online games :|

I left the game and can't play with people who has to spend loads of cash just to be a bad ass in some game :| Good for them!

... At least I helped some people out in my alliance by sharing a lot of the resources with them.

I didn't tell them about this because It's too shameful and I didn't want to jerk to think I'm just the weak player in the alliance, who goes to the bigger players with power for help ...

Turns out instead, I'm the weak player who cried and left the game ...

This is why I never play games online and have no interest in ever doing so. Gamers know that they're anonymous and use that to be the biggest pricks in the world because they know they'll never have to see the person their shitting on face to face. This is a large part of the reason why "Gamer" has become a loaded term and, at least among people who aren't complete douchebags, is no longer a socially acceptable identity. I'm sorry you had to learn that the hard way.
 
I've always dislike getting something for free from people and didn't know how else to phrase the title of this thread but an example of this dislike is when I'm playing an online game like Dragon of Atlantis and someone in my alliance gives me a crap load of resources or troops out of generosity. I'm stuck whether I should just thank the player or not because he or she has told me that it was really no big deal and that it was sort of pocket change compared to how much this player gains per hour.

I dunno why I feel so awkward about this, maybe I feel that I'm bad at this game or dunno if I'll be able to repay the player or not, which of course I do want to at some time. It helps me feel better when I get the chance to send some resources to some other player in my alliance who needs it as well as I have gotten up to 500 million resources because a couple of players were generous in the first place :/

This is also the awkwardness I felt when I was in high school and some student loans me fifty cents ...

Yep, I am the same. I would relate my unease with getting complimented, as well, to the same part of the brain that is responsible for your point.
 

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