Do You Dream of Special Perfect Person?

[Antonio]

I've always had a sense that even though I can't get along with anyone very well, there is a perfect match for me somewhere and if I met that person it would be the perfect friendship and/or relationship with a soulmate. Is this a delusion? Do you have this delusion too? Is this actually possible? Are we alone only because we are so unique that the person who we could get along with is so rare? Or are we simply unlikely to ever find anyone we can be close to because we are too self-absorbed?

 

[The Penguin]

Not really. I never had a dream of a perfect person but maybe having someone in my life. I had some relationships. I did gave up seeking for relationships. Despite it would be nice to have someone, I learned being alone I have lots of freedom for my life. They way I'm enjoying my life now, learning enjoying a life alone, I don't think now I can give up this freedom for anyone.

 

[Pondering]

I think there could be a thousand perfect someones for everyone. But perfect in different ways. And these people could be scattered about the globe; you'd never know it unless you met them, which seems to happen so infrequently. You don't know who they are or where they are. They may not have the perfect look or be 100% to your liking because no one is perfect. But yeah, I think everyone has at least one person who would be personality-compatible with them. Even if they're on the other side of the world.

 

[Apple28]

I've always had a sense that even though I can't get along with anyone very well, there is a perfect match for me somewhere and if I met that person it would be the perfect friendship and/or relationship with a soulmate. Is this a delusion? Do you have this delusion too? Is this actually possible? Are we alone only because we are so unique that the person who we could get along with is so rare? Or are we simply unlikely to ever find anyone we can be close to because we are too self-absorbed?

I'm not an Aspie but I would like to think there is someone for everyone if that someone is looking. The only problem is we think we know how it should happen or will happen and with what kind of person. And I think our perception is so shallow we do ourselves an injustice on what we think we deserve or could achieve. If we go about enjoying the present moment and loving ourselves everything falls into place. It's a special type of torture to miss something you never had and fail to enjoy what you have going on. I don't mean you You. I mean anyone. I found your question beautiful just to read. Beautifully poignant

 

[Jusdifferent]

Yes. And, I dreamed him so hard, that one day he appeared, and thirty years later, he is still there. Perfect? No. But close enough for me <3 *He has TS; I have AS, and we both have ADHD. Sometimes he tics so hard that it shakes the bed. When that happens, I pop in the ear plugs, hold him tight, pull the duvet over us both, and let the world pass on by. It's lovely there, ( under the duvet ) - like it's own little "pocket dimension"! Who needs Narnia - we have our duvet I posted this because I wanted anyone out there, ( especially those of us with neurology issues ), to know that you can indeed have a "happily ever after". ( We are so weird, and ****ed up - he and I. ) If we can do it - anyone can!

 

[Larisa]

I was ashamed many years that I had dreams about a person I could get along with easy.
But I discovered (by questioning myself) that I don't really dream about the perfect person - but about the calm, considering and reasonable person.
I don't know in my life such a person and so I dream about them.
I have several friends, I love them and care about them, and they love and care about me.
But I realised that I don't understand them and they don't understand me - and that's a normality in the real world.
Every person is unique by mindset and thus - lonely.
I'm grateful to my friends that I can speak my mind - and they hear me out even if they don't understand my point of view and my values and fears.
To be a friend is to hear out and support the person in what they believe is important for them to do. I'm rather good in analysis of possible negative outcomes and real circumstances - but I know that I can only imform them about my assessments, but it's up to the person to make the decision.
So I realize that I consider the person as my friend when I don't agree with their choices but I still want to be around them and to give them my support.

The person I dream of - is in totally different relationships with me: it's long-term and meaningful understanding reached by words, by discussing the separate personal experience and the situations we had together (in my dreams), ability to consider each other's opinion and analysis, meeting new people and exploring the real world together.
My dreams include beneficial outward conditions - like there is no hurry around us, no social pressure on us, there is time for each of us to discover new places and to know better oneself.
Now I think I dream of the non-pressing outward social conditions that might have allowed me to have deep relationships with some real person than about some perfect person...

 

[Jonathan Lees]

i definitely dream of this perfect person but its totally delusional, i dont think the perfect person for me exists and dreaming of them certainly isn't constructive.

i rarely meet people who i can get on with and click with, i met one woman who was close to my perfect but not quite there, we had some great times together but the truth was she was better for me than i for her and thus i think self improvement is needed before you can meet your perfect people since you have to be there perfect also.

 

[megacomic]

The best you can do is find someone adequate and try to make it work just like everyone else. I once had a dream where I was married to this ideal perfect woman who loved me and all my quirks. We lived in a house full of Rune Goldberg machines, we watch Darkwing Duck on VHS, collected action figures, and it would be dawn. Sunlight peeks through the white curtains with our dogs beside us and our house wasn't luxurious or particularly spacious but it was a cornucopia of beautiful and whimsical items. It felt so real but it wasn't and the beautiful woman I saw in my dream doesn't exist and she never will.

 

[Jusdifferent]

The best you can do is find someone adequate and try to make it work just like everyone else. I once had a dream where I was married to this ideal perfect woman who loved me and all my quirks. We lived in a house full of Rune Goldberg machines, we watch Darkwing Duck on VHS, collected action figures, and it would be dawn. Sunlight peeks through the white curtains with our dogs beside us and our house wasn't luxurious or particularly spacious but it was a cornucopia of beautiful and whimsical items. It felt so real but it wasn't and the beautiful woman I saw in my dream doesn't exist and she never will.

May be. May be not... Will she be absolutely 100% perfect - probably not. BUT... She can be a good mate to you. However... YOU MUST GET OUT THERE AND LOOK FOR HER. Ancient proverb : "He who sit in chair, and wait for duck to fly into mouth - will be hungry L-O-N-G time." Okay, I made that **** up, but - you get the idea? I mean you have to try. Have you ever tried an aspien dating site? ( Yes, they exist! ) What about placing a "personal ad"? BTW : A pub is one of the worst places to look for a suitable companion. *I used to live outside Seattle, and some of the local coffee shops, and bookstores have "singles night". I understand that is a trend in some of the larger cities. Have you ever thought of hosting a potluck where you live, workout, worship, or just gather? Get a t-shirt : "Single and looking" - wear it to the park, bookstore, gym...

Look at it this way... Just on this site - think of how many female members there are. Of that number, think of how many of them are looking. Then, of all those, think how many may be suitable for you. ???? HERE'S AN IDEA... Start a thread for single aspies looking for dates/mates. ( Link it off of this one. ) It's not "what have you got to lose?" It's "who could you find"

 

[Jusdifferent]

Hey look what I found >>> Aspies Central Dating Corner >>> Good luck, all <3

 

[Friend4any1]

I’ve got half a mind to reply to all this, but I need my privacy.

ALL of us do.

 

[tree]

No, I don't dream of a special perfect person.
That sounds like a fun assignment, though, to
design one.

Maybe if I made some lists, I could assemble a theoretical/
fictional individual of this type, through random generation.

 

[Judge]

In my own case I came to the conclusion a long time ago such a person just doesn't exist for me. That my purpose in life is for something else...whatever that may truly be.

 

[Gritches]

I've always dreamed that this person would exist, but never expected that it would actually be so. Life has always been about accommodating other people. To hope that it would ever be otherwise would just be entirely too hopeful.

 

[Sherlock77]

Well... I've rarely dated, never really had a girlfriend, the last number of years (I'm 45 now) pretty much just lived my life doing my thing, at present a lot of my "thing" is my hobby of photography... I really haven't been looking specifically for a girlfriend/future partner, not to say I've given up... More on that in another post in the next couple of days, don't have time to write that post tonight...

 

[Tyrantus1212]

I've been picturing myself meeting a woman just like myself, with the whole quirk package - but then I just started doubting on whether or not she exists. To this day I've never even gone on a single date and I'm almost 30. I've also been picturing a similar scenario for a friend, back when I had none. Everyone at my job is just soooooo neurotypical and I hate feeling like the odd man out; I often pictured a new coworker just going in for an interview and then he would end up being my soulmate, having pretty much ALL his qualities totally match mine. That's just for friendship - I ended up becoming friends with a guy who's neurotypical but has a lot in common with me and never gets mad or upset. He thinks I'm cool, funny and kind so I'd say I came pretty darn close over here.

Back to the topic of this post, for a romantic relationship that would be even better! We'd both be exhibiting the same quirks in front of each other, like for example we'd both drive each other crazy and quickly make up later because we'd be apologizing to each other immediately after. We'd both ramble on to each other about our interests and no one would get bored. We'd both be stuck in a deadlock trying to ask for reassurance about our anxieties and not having any because we'd be worried about the same things. We'd be like Sheldon and Amy at the beginning (I have no idea what they've done to Amy there, she's become way too neurotypical in later seasons). We'd be the perfect couple. I'm not even sure if such a woman exists; my father is thinking about introducing me to a woman but I just don't know, I'm not even sure if I'm capable of being in any kind of relationship with a neurotypical woman; I could hardly even make neurotypical friends!

 

[Sherlock77]

....

Back to the topic of this post, for a romantic relationship that would be even better! We'd both be exhibiting the same quirks in front of each other...

Interesting, recently I've been getting quite close with a fellow artist who also happens to be bi-polar, we both go to the same church and share similar religious values, but we are both at very different levels of social interaction, still not sure what to do with it, maybe we'll just stay as good friends, maybe go further... *shrugs*

 

[Suiseiseki]

Hey look what I found >>> Aspies Central Dating Corner >>> Good luck, all <3

What a sausage fest.