Did you have tantrums when you were a child?

[Misty Avich]

Sometimes I had temper tantrums if I had a playmate round and they had to go home earlier than I was expecting. It wasn't change itself that set me into one, it was the idea of having a playdate cut short, as I loved playing with other children and hated being by myself.

I remember when I was about age 10 my cousin was round one Friday evening, and my mum came up to my room and said that my cousin had to go because her grandmother wanted to see her. My cousin obediently got up. But me, being unable to control my emotions when it came to disappointment, I started crying, which turned into a full-blown tantrum. I jumped up and down then picked up a bunch of soft toys and hurled them at my cousin, yelling that I hated her grandparents.

It was all impulsive and I didn't mean what I said. I've always had a hard time taking disappointment. Well, I've learnt to deal with it now but as a child I just couldn't handle it.

The same happened when I was around age 7 or 8, when the swimming-pool was closed. Me, my mum, my brother and my sister had walked all the way there, me being excited all the way - only to see a notice on the door saying the pool was closed for whatever reason. I cried and cried, feeling physically sick to my stomach from disappointment.

I think as a child I lived in the moment and didn't seem to think that there was always a tomorrow. Did anyone else have tantrums as a child that you regret? Do all children over the age of 5 still have tantrums, or is it more common for children with ADHD?

 

[Misty Avich]

Sort of, but instead of having an outburst, I had an inburst. I didn't yell or throw things, I shut everyone and everything out and was very difficult to deal with because I didn't answer or do what adults told me to do. I scurried away and hid in a corner. I was very upset but I turned everything inwards.

I think that's more common in autism.
My emotions were never inward. Sometimes I'd go and hide when I was sulking but that was due to attention-seeking, wanting people to go "oh where's Misty gone?" and look for me, because then I would be getting attention. Usually my family were so used to me that they didn't bother looking for me (they knew I understood danger and wouldn't run away or put myself at any risks). So I'd get bored in my hiding place and try to think of some other way to get attention.

It's such A shame I was like that, because I could be such a kind, pleasant child, but when I was too overwhelmed with emotion I'd become a hateful child.

 

[kriss72]

Oh, yes, but isn't it more like a melt down? I.e. you didn't know how to handle it, rather than to change the outcome? - I had melt downs, in the school, at home, in public - when I was a young kid, usually when I got too overwhelmed and couldn't cope with the situation anymore, like I remember one time my mother tried to get my hair cut, I never liked (to this day) to have my hair cut, too much touching I guess - anyway, I remember I cried insanely couldn't sit in the chair, then my mom promised me a Donalduck icecream - when I got it I started to cry because I didn't want to eat Donald - I feel sorry for her having to go through that... but I was totally overwhelmed.

 

[kriss72]

I did that sometimes when I was annoyed, I had a small toy suitcase that I put my stuff in. Then I marched into the livingroom and said "I'm leaving!" to my parents. They said "ok, send us a postcard". Then I marched down the road and around a corner, hid there and waited for them to come after me. Then I slowly realized two things; no one was coming after me and I had no where to go. So eventually I had to walk back home. lol It was so stupid of me.

Oh my mother used to do like the opposite - but it never worked, like if I was with friends, and didn't want to go home when she came to pick me up, she would just say "ok, then I'm leaving without you", go out the door, and hope I was coming after her, but I never did, I was just happy to be able to stay longer, she always came back very angry and dragged me to the car

 

[Misty Avich]

I did that sometimes when I was annoyed, I had a small toy suitcase that I put my stuff in. Then I marched into the livingroom and said "I'm leaving!" to my parents. They said "ok, send us a postcard". Then I marched down the road and around a corner, hid there and waited for them to come after me. Then I slowly realized two things; no one was coming after me and I had no where to go. So eventually I had to walk back home. lol It was so stupid of me.

Sounds like normal child behaviour there lol.


I don't think I did have meltdowns, as not only the emotion was too intense to handle, but I thought that screaming and shouting might change the outcome. I calmed down after my cousin went, as I knew by then that the outcome definitely wouldn't change and I was more able to accept it. I got over my tantrums very quickly.

The swimming-pool incident might have been more like a meltdown, as I knew that nothing could change the outcome, but although I understood the logic I still had to express the emotion.

 

[kriss72]

I don't think I did have meltdowns, as not only the emotion was too intense to handle, but I thought that screaming and shouting might change the outcome. I calmed down after my cousin went, as I knew by then that the outcome definitely wouldn't change and I was more able to accept it. I got over my tantrums very quickly.

Yeah, ok, that sounds like classic tantrum, I got overwhelmed too easy to ever get to that state

 

[Judge]

Only during meltdowns or shutdowns. Otherwise I usually managed to control my temper as a kid.

But then temper tantrums were forbidden according to our commanding officer.

Or face his threats of being sent to the brig.

 

[Misty Avich]

I didn't really get overwhelmed so much as a child. I loved family social situations, and I didn't mind birthday parties but I just suffered with shyness when I wasn't around family, not sensory overload. Whenever my parents dropped me off at a kid's birthday party I'd cling to them a bit, but I think that can be common for a lot of children. I was a timid child.

 

[kriss72]

I remember spending many parties/family gatherings as a child sitting under the table. I was very shy as a child... or maybe just autistic... like I preferred to sit by my self with a book or have my own little play inside the group playing activity.... I never really grew out of that part - and if a party as a kid, being really scared for any of the balloons to go pop - I think the cling'ing to the parent is very normal for young kids

 

[Misty Avich]

The only thing I was scared of at parties were the balloons. Sometimes I'd cry whenever a child touched a balloon, so the adults in charge had to make sure the balloons were out of our reach (but still in view, like pinned to the wall) just to stop me crying. Once the balloons were out of reach I was able to join in the play and games.

 

[VictorR]

No. I've always been conflict adverse, and it only took me once to learn that displays of disapproval were going to be met by swift punishment.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I got overwhelmed and emotional all the time and it seems like the slightest disappointments or frustrations would make me start bawling and crying.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Of course not. The story of my birth is I was found in the cabbage patch, with a pipe in my mouth, and a copy of Nietzsche's "Thus Spake Zarathustra" in my lap.

 

[Progster]

Yes, lots, mainly frustration meltdowns, but also when there was a lot going on like at Christmas. I was a difficult child in my early years. I was behind other kids of my age in terms of emotional maturity.

 

[DaisyRose]

I was always having a tantrum as a child. Then my parents started to discipline me where I would be scared of consequence. There was a balance between good and bad. If I was good at school and I’m in the green all week, I would be rewarded with a toy on Friday. It was something simple, but it meant a lot to me.

 

[Dagan]

I wouldn't throw a tantrum. I would rather collapse into myself and just meltdown, go silent and have to process everything. I was just considered an emotional child. Ironic that the inverse was going on because I was very much not understanding emotions or what I was feeling so much simply because I was scolded or disciplined for being "wrong" ...and often not even understanding why whatever was wrong. I learned, but it took a while to mature out of being that way.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Tantrums were not my thing. I was emotionally sensitive as a child, and I do remember crying and being sad from time to time, but it was such a negative thing with me, I slowly learned to shut emotions down. Remember, in my generation, boys didn't cry, and if they did, it was seen as weakness, and weakness was absolutely not tolerated. A kid who cried, got tormented and bullied horribly by their peers, even by the girls. So, you learned to bury it deep and be defiant. I can remember being a teenager, high testosterone, and my emotions would come out as anger, frustration, and rage, often leading to things being broken, holes in the walls, etc.

I don't recall any situation in my life where showing emotion had a good outcome. It was, and still is.

 

[Jumpinbare]

My grandmother told me if I didn't learn to control my anger, I would end up having a stroke eventually. Of course she had to explain what a stroke was. I believed her 100%, and it scared me so much it was the beginning of my attempts to reign in my emotions. (My dad privately telling me he was embarrassed to be in public with me, and other kids calling me a crybaby were the other influences)

 

[Rodafina]

I never had tantrums. I didn't understand my emotions well enough to feel them or express them in the moment. I was an extremely obedient child and did everything in my power to always keep others happy with me. Expressing intense emotions was not something I did. Even now, it is very rare for me to do that.

 

[Misty Avich]

Well apart from being earlier than average with potty-training and having no speech delays at all, I remained toddler-like in other ways in my emotional behaviour.
But I was worse at home than I was at school.

I cried a lot at school when I was age 4-6, and threw a few screaming tantrums, but hardly cried at all at school after that, unless I accidentally hurt myself or felt really worried about something.
I seemed to have a fear of being told off by an adult at school, and I remember one time the principal wanted to see me about something I had lost that had been found. Without thinking, I immediately thought I was in trouble, and panic set in and I burst into tears, sobbing "I didn't do anything!" The other kids gathered around trying to console me, as I was shaking and sobbing. The teacher came along and reassured me that I wasn't in trouble, the principal just needed to give me the item I had lost. I immediately calmed down after that.

That's probably why I slipped through the cracks and not got diagnosed with ADHD. Stereotypically (and often typically) most children with ADHD are meant to be careless and naughty at school, resulting in countless detentions and punishments so often that they get desensitized to any telling off from their teachers. But my ADHD was invisible at school (but still existent), and more (stereo)typical at home.