Dealing with a PTSD flare up

[Neri]

I have complex ptsd from childhood emotional and narcissistic abuse, violence, neglect, SA and long term adult (actually from my teens) predatory narcissistic abuse. It really sucks sometimes.

Just the other day my Social Housing providers told me they are trying to evict me and my guy friend. He has the same sort of brain as me (ASD, ADHD "2e" and complex trauma and add to that a traumatic brain injury (a TBI) and trouble letting go of things, like old cars and other hoardy stuff.

They won't be able to evict us, I don't think, the Tribunal (that they have to take us to, to try to evict us) errs on the side of tenants, so we will be OK, I'm pretty sure. It's very hard to evict tenants that pay their bills and I'm in credit. However, the whole them trying to evict us thing is really triggery.

I've been waiting for the disability support I've been approved for, for 4 months now, and if I had of had that, I wouldn't be in this position. Now I'll have to talk to a bunch of different people to avoid being homeless. Aaaaahhhhh!

Our disability support system is in the process of overhaul and that one of the reasons why it's taking so long. Last year it only took 21 days on average, now, I don't know how long it will be, but, the tenancy (mean) lady manager did give us that one tip, about going in to their office (the NDIA ~National Disability Insurance Agency) instead of ringing every week and going in to the Local Area Coordinators office, which is being removed as middle people anyway, I think.

I have cleaner-dehoarder people that I have lined up but unless I get the insurance scheme that I waiting on ...anyway, I been waiting with no end date.

So, I had a delayed reaction to how horrible last Thursday was, when they came to our house to home invade, really, because they don't even pretend to inspect on the pretext of getting anything fixed, anymore, they just tell you you have to ring the repair hotline, they just ask a whole lot of invasive questions, about why this piece of furniture is placed here, and take photos of my missed cobwebs in the corner, and other humiliating things.

It was awful and my guy and I fought afterward because we were so shamed, triggered and demoralized.

Today I'm a hot mess. And that after very tired, exhausted days and trouble sleeping since the inspection. I'm in the hit-by-a-truck mode today.

The thing I get tired of is the "invisable" disability thing, that when it isn't invisable, you become utterly undesirable and people hate you and want nothing to do with you, they are disgusted at my gall at having an "invisable-that's-not-invisable disability. It's been happening all my life and it is tiresome and upsetting. Especially as I have tried SO HARD to be a good human and I do a decent job, but I am a disabled person. My tenancy manager and her sidekick hurt us, with their soul-crushing approach. Luckily, there in a safety net with the Tribunal, but, it's very stressful, because they, our housing company, that are designed to "help" us vulnerable, disadvantaged people, want to make us homeless.

 

[lunarious]

What is the question? @Neri

 

[TBRS1]

Sometimes even people who are tasked with "helping" feel condescending toward those they are paid to help.

This is unimaginably hurtful.

I am sorry you have had to experience somebody else's gross, flabby, ego sickness on top of all you've already had to go through.

 

[Rodafina]

It makes sense that a threat to your home would trigger an intensely anxious reaction and the manner in which it was done challenged your dignity as well. I hope you can bounce back from this, get some security from the Tribunal, and carry on with the promising progress you have been making and the services you have been awaiting for a long while now.

 

[Neri]

What is the question? @Neri

It was more that I needed to write it out in an attempt to rewire my brain. It worked. I feel a lot better for writing it out, especially on a supportive forum. The "trauma brain" physiology is helped by writing out the thing that is hurting one's heart and stressing one's body and plaguing the mind.
My reality has long been that I am not acceptable from my quote unquote invisable disabilities and so I needed to do something, in an understanding community space, to challenge that belief and that pattern. It worked!
Today the emotional and physiological state is quite different. I feel secure again. I am not sad, worn out, immobilized, demoralized, destabilized today.

 

[Neri]

Sometimes even people who are tasked with "helping" feel condescending toward those they are paid to help.

This is unimaginably hurtful.

I am sorry you have had to experience somebody else's gross, flabby, ego sickness on top of all you've already had to go through.

Thank you, enormously @TBRS1!
You get it! Yes, both the women were like that and it was horrid. The main one softened a little when she told me to go into the NDIA office. But mainly she was invested in making us feel worthless and wrong and undesirable "deplorables". It was very punishing.

I will try to get in to the NDIA as soon as I'm able. I don't drive so I have to wait for my interim support worker to take me. I hope something positive will come out of it, like getting the support I need. I never want to go through being humiliated like that again. How much humiliation does a person need to go through in one life?

 

[Neri]

It makes sense that a threat to your home would trigger an intensely anxious reaction and the manner in which it was done challenged your dignity as well. I hope you can bounce back from this, get some security from the Tribunal, and carry on with the promising progress you have been making and the services you have been awaiting for a long while now.

Thank you @Rodafina. Yes, I should be able to do that. I am working so very intensely, on myself, to get past the shame and demoralization of everything I've lived through.

My guy friend's son is coming down on the weekend to help clean up my guy's around-the-house-hoardyness. Which is wonderful! His stuff collections is why we are in this position, however, I think the threat of eviction is motivating him to address it, so that is also a good thing.

My step son(ish person; because we arent married) can sleep in the newly transformed guest room, which I made look very pretty. I was motivated (and helped by my oldest son and my support worker, who helped me clear out our children's debris, that was previously filling the room) to interior decorate the room for the inspection and so that's something positive coming out of a demoralizing dynamic. I like looking for silver linings.

 

[Neri]

Update; The tenancy advisory union rang me back, after I left an inquiry requesting advice and possibly advocacy. They will assist as soon as I get the notification advising of potential eviction or request to attend a Tribunal.
I rang the NDIA hotline and they have escalated my planning meeting, and they also advised me to go into the local NDIA office and get something in writing to give my Housing providers.
I should be getting a call from my HASI case worker (Housing Assistance Support Initiative) later today and we will schedule a drop in to the Local NDIA office.
I am feeling supported. My fear and anxiety has de-escalated. I have gotten over the minor burnout that came about from the stress of it all and trying to address the mess for the inspection.
I thank you all that offered me some support through this trying time. It's not over yet, but, at least I have a handle on my emotions and physiological reactions to this stressful situation. I have been taking it easy, resting, listening to soothing yt vids and music. And today I have made more headway in continuing to address the chaos and disorder that we were stuck in for way too long. Things are improving. .

 

[Aspychata]

Can sympathize, when we are stuck in emotional warfare in our brain of anxiety thoughts, everything else triggers us also,especially if it has to do with where we live. I have triggered quite a few times where l live currently. I have dealt with bullies trying to get me to sell my home. However, l am now going to be living with my boyfriend, because l need his support to deal with the predatory behavior l face. It's just one step at a time, just work towards your goal of getting place up to being clean. Good luck.

 

[jsilver256]

I am so sorry this is happening.

I am only saying this in the spirit of helping you. Generally, as you said, it doesn’t make sense that anyone would attempt to break a lease and evict someone who’s paying bills.

I’ve done real estate and it takes way more than “cobwebs” for a landlord to go down this path. Either you’re being massively unfairly treated - a scenario like where the landlord wants to raze the lot to build luxury housing - or you’re understating the extent of the squalor issues you’re hinting at here.

I don’t know what’s going on, but if it’s the latter, treat it as an emergency! One person isn’t enough to deal with that. You must be as proactive as possible, or you’ll be homeless. Get a roll of black trash bags and start throwing stuff out,

 

[Levitator]

I have complex ptsd from childhood emotional and narcissistic abuse, violence, neglect, SA and long term adult (actually from my teens) predatory narcissistic abuse. It really sucks sometimes.

Just the other day my Social Housing providers told me they are trying to evict me and my guy friend. He has the same sort of brain as me (ASD, ADHD "2e" and complex trauma and add to that a traumatic brain injury (a TBI) and trouble letting go of things, like old cars and other hoardy stuff.

They won't be able to evict us, I don't think, the Tribunal (that they have to take us to, to try to evict us) errs on the side of tenants, so we will be OK, I'm pretty sure. It's very hard to evict tenants that pay their bills and I'm in credit. However, the whole them trying to evict us thing is really triggery.

I've been waiting for the disability support I've been approved for, for 4 months now, and if I had of had that, I wouldn't be in this position. Now I'll have to talk to a bunch of different people to avoid being homeless. Aaaaahhhhh!

Our disability support system is in the process of overhaul and that one of the reasons why it's taking so long. Last year it only took 21 days on average, now, I don't know how long it will be, but, the tenancy (mean) lady manager did give us that one tip, about going in to their office (the NDIA ~National Disability Insurance Agency) instead of ringing every week and going in to the Local Area Coordinators office, which is being removed as middle people anyway, I think.

I have cleaner-dehoarder people that I have lined up but unless I get the insurance scheme that I waiting on ...anyway, I been waiting with no end date.

So, I had a delayed reaction to how horrible last Thursday was, when they came to our house to home invade, really, because they don't even pretend to inspect on the pretext of getting anything fixed, anymore, they just tell you you have to ring the repair hotline, they just ask a whole lot of invasive questions, about why this piece of furniture is placed here, and take photos of my missed cobwebs in the corner, and other humiliating things.

It was awful and my guy and I fought afterward because we were so shamed, triggered and demoralized.

Today I'm a hot mess. And that after very tired, exhausted days and trouble sleeping since the inspection. I'm in the hit-by-a-truck mode today.

The thing I get tired of is the "invisable" disability thing, that when it isn't invisable, you become utterly undesirable and people hate you and want nothing to do with you, they are disgusted at my gall at having an "invisable-that's-not-invisable disability. It's been happening all my life and it is tiresome and upsetting. Especially as I have tried SO HARD to be a good human and I do a decent job, but I am a disabled person. My tenancy manager and her sidekick hurt us, with their soul-crushing approach. Luckily, there in a safety net with the Tribunal, but, it's very stressful, because they, our housing company, that are designed to "help" us vulnerable, disadvantaged people, want to make us homeless.

I consider it technically not-a-disability, which causes people to see me as ugly and unpleasant, and it's fundamentally their problem, but they push it onto me. I'm not wronging them, but they treat me like trash. I comfort myself with having seen firsthand, that if you were one of those people who is very obviously disabled, they would still treat you like trash, because that's the real version of human nature you don't see in novels or on TV. There's a reason humanity idealizes itself in fiction and media; because the reality sucks.

 

[Levitator]

Oh, yes, ugly, unpleasant, and then vulnerable was the key one, where they see that they can abuse you, plus you have it coming since your existence makes people uncomfortable, so they'd might as well lay into you and stick it to you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

It was more that I needed to write it out in an attempt to rewire my brain. It worked. I feel a lot better for writing it out, especially on a supportive forum. The "trauma brain" physiology is helped by writing out the thing that is hurting one's heart and stressing one's body and plaguing the mind.
My reality has long been that I am not acceptable from my quote unquote invisable disabilities and so I needed to do something, in an understanding community space, to challenge that belief and that pattern. It worked!
Today the emotional and physiological state is quite different. I feel secure again. I am not sad, worn out, immobilized, demoralized, destabilized today.

I have had to go through something like that, but in a more structured way for Cognitive Processing Therapy. I've had complex PTSD from over a decade of social isolation so it was not as serious as your abuse, but my mind saw it as traumatic.

I have had to look at my triggers and what I could tell myself instead, and in in those areas where I cannot overcome those negative ideas that I internalized, I have had to face that head on. Now, I am at that stage where I am defining what it will be like to forgive myself for those earlier confusions that I allowed to injure me.

 

[Neri]

I am so sorry this is happening.

I am only saying this in the spirit of helping you. Generally, as you said, it doesn’t make sense that anyone would attempt to break a lease and evict someone who’s paying bills.

I’ve done real estate and it takes way more than “cobwebs” for a landlord to go down this path. Either you’re being massively unfairly treated - a scenario like where the landlord wants to raze the lot to build luxury housing - or you’re understating the extent of the squalor issues you’re hinting at here.

I don’t know what’s going on, but if it’s the latter, treat it as an emergency! One person isn’t enough to deal with that. You must be as proactive as possible, or you’ll be homeless. Get a roll of black trash bags and start throwing stuff out,

Did I mention my guy friend's hoardy issues? They are outside of the house. It's cars and things. I'm not in a position to address those things. I don't even drive. His oldest son is coming down to help him on the weekend..
I live in "Community Housing" which is housing for disadvantaged people.
Throwing stuff out? where? One needs a skip, which is $1000 that I don't have, or a truck or a car and trailor. I have no money, myself, even for the tip, if I had a way to get things there, which I don't. And it is not stuff you can put in garbage bags, it is machines and furniture and things like that.
No, it has to go to NCAP which is the Tribunal they have to take us to. I have lined up housing advocacy to help. I have applied for disability funding that I was approved in early December and I am going in to their local office to get proof of this for Housing, this morning. They are "accelerating" my case, the NDIA that is (National Disability Insurance Agency).

Unfortunately my guy has a lot of systemic trauma and a brain injury which is making it hard to even address this hoarding issue and he has not been open to working with anyone around this, he has put it on me, but I have not been well enough (hense the application for disability support, that is taking very long to kick in on account of they overhauled their entire system just when I applied) so a lot of this is beyond my actual physical power to do anything, which is one of the reasons it's so triggery. I am powerless to address this on my own. I need help, which is why I applied for help. It has just been tardy in arriving.

 

[Aspychata]

When we babysit others with their shortcomings, we don't realize what a task it is. I end up reminding my girlfriends we can't babysit all the men that need help.

 

[Neri]

When we babysit others with their shortcomings, we don't realize what a task it is. I end up reminding my girlfriends we can't babysit all the men that need help.

Which is fine. But I love him and he saved my life, being the only person in 20 years who gave a bleep to be enough of a friend to help me out of the narcissistic abuse relationship that would've killed me, had I stayed. I could kick him out I suppose, but is that how one treats people they love? He is a disabled man. I don't have it in me to be that heartless.

 

[Aspychata]

I understand.

 

[Aspychata]

I have a friend that l stayed involved with too long because he really helped me during a very tough time in my life. It's hard to say no to those that were there for you.

 

[Neri]

I have a friend that l stayed involved with too long because he really helped me during a very tough time in my life. It's hard to say no to those types.

Yes. In my case, we have a lot of fun. We are very respectful and kind to each other, for the most part. We are very compatible. We both have disabilities. We are both ND. We spent a lifetime of loneliness before meeting each other. We were very marginalized and misunderstood and maligned before meeting each other. We have been good for each other and that happens alongside our disabilities and trauma symptoms. Such is the way of people that are on a healing journey from complex PTSD who are autistic, ADHDy and "2e" . We are a tiny minority, and thus upon finding each other find that the need for one friend in life outweighs any need for "perfection" in each other.
Any problem can be worked out, given enough compassion, understanding, patience and love, and we both have that. In spades (that means a lot)
Anyway, the resolution is that his son's are coming down to help on consecutive weekends. We will get through this, and we will get through it together.

 

[Aspychata]

Great news indeed.