Dating relationship help with autism

[WVV]

yeah, my last relationship whom i feel very reluctant to even call an ex for what i disclosed about her already, i didn't really have to pursue or chase her, hit on her or have to initiate with her, it was kind of a mutual effort, the way i met her was, i was introduced, kinda set up with her by her cousin, her cousin is one of the group organizers of an autism meetup group through meetup.com, she told me about her, she had her cousin follow me on instagram, message me first.

To sum it up, she started the initial interaction, but i was the one who asked her out though, thats how it was mutual, but we all know that 90 percent of the time or more, its not like that, the man normally does everything in the beginning. Something that i will hate and resent until the day i die, until my last breath.

yeah I get it!! Will and I would take turns with the initial interacting and flirting with each other first!!!

 

[WVV]

We can work on this a little if you like, but perhaps not in the public forum, and not too much.

The relevance is that you may need some new skills to achieve full independence together with Will, and anyway the first layer of skills are useful to everyone.

Onn topic: one likely path for you to be successful is to be able to persuade others (like a court) that you can and will:
* Run a household together indefinitely, given current access to resources (money).
* Bring up a child together (perhaps). This may not come up, but ignoring the possibility would be foolish.
Operating effectively and calmly are essential skills for both the "sales pitch" to be allowed to do them. and the actions themselves.

Don't read too much into this - perhaps it won't be relevant. But I wrote that because an important part of planning to identify potential "show-stoppers", and ask "do we need this capability?", "do we have it already?", and if not "how do we develop that capability?".

The are many proverbs about preparation, but I like this - it tells the same story, but it's focused on the result

Sun Tsu:
"The greatest skill in conflict is to break the enemy's resistance without fighting."

Yes I would like to work on it some. I already know that having children with Will would be a deal breaker for him.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Yes please I would love to work on it a bit. I already know that wanting to

yeah I get it!! Will and I would take turns with the initial interacting and flirting with each other first!!!

yeah i agree with this, people say that men are default scarcity with women, but women are in default abundance with men.

 

[WVV]

Exactly!!! We flirted with each other so much that his older brother noticed it and said something about it to my dad. His mother never noticed or so she claims!!!
My dad even told Will’s mother that he was ok with us dating.His mom liked to twist it around. She said my dad was not ok with it so there for we should go our own separate ways. I should leave her son alone until I worked out my problems with my dad and if i got them worked out then to have my dad call her!!
How messed up is that? Now the only way to get myself through this separation is to pretend inside my head that Im actually with him and we are a couple, Lame I know!!!

 

[Hypnalis]

@WVV

First stage: edit your posts.

Purpose:
This is to go through the process of shaping your content and delivery for the audience.

Background:
People tend to compose their words as though they were talking/writing for themselves. Which is a good start - it makes the creative part easier. But it's not the ideal final form, which should be designed for the intended audience.

It takes quite a lot of practice to do this well in real time, while conversing. It's much easier with text, because you can take as much time as you like.

First exercise:
Edit the post above (#104) for the same person (Steelbookcollector217?). Just do it once, and don't post it here.
* First separate out the different ideas in the post.
* Then select a sequence to present them.
* Reword each one as a single sentence (it's ok to make them shorter or longer, or even completely rewrite them)
* Put it together with accurate punctuation and paragraph spacing (if you need more then one paragraph)

On completion:
Make a short post here (max 3 lines) with your impressions of the process you went through to perform the task.
There's no right or wrong answer for this. It won't be "graded".
I just need it because I won't see what you did (My not seeing the reworded post is necessary - you'll see why later).

Closing comments:
This won't be easy the first time, and you might not like the result. That's ok. Discovering that the original version you wrote here could have been better is part of why you're doing this.

Just keep going until you've completed the task. You don't have to like the result, and you're not going to show it to anybody. But you must complete it.

Reminder: you're not making the new version for me. It should be composed for the original target.

 

[Mary Terry]

He does have a clear idea of his own desires. He is terrified to go against his mothers wishes bc if he does then she calls the cops on him and has him arrested.

Will is pretty honest with what he wants!!!

I mean you could still be correct on that. I mean at this point i just dont know the answer!!

Cops don't arrest innocent people who aren't committing crimes. Did Will tell you that she has had him arrested? Sounds very suspicious to me.

 

[WVV]

@WVV

First stage: edit your posts.

Purpose:
This is to go through the process of shaping your content and delivery for the audience.

Background:
People tend to compose their words as though they were talking/writing for themselves. Which is a good start - it makes the creative part easier. But it's not the ideal final form, which should be designed for the intended audience.

It takes quite a lot of practice to do this well in real time, while conversing. It's much easier with text, because you can take as much time as you like.

First exercise:
Edit the post above (#104) for the same person (Steelbookcollector217?). Just do it once, and don't post it here.
* First separate out the different ideas in the post.
* Then select a sequence to present them.
* Reword each one as a single sentence (it's ok to make them shorter or longer, or even completely rewrite them)
* Put it together with accurate punctuation and paragraph spacing (if you need more then one paragraph)

On completion:
Make a short post here (max 3 lines) with your impressions of the process you went through to perform the task.
There's no right or wrong answer for this. It won't be "graded".
I just need it because I won't see what you did (My not seeing the reworded post is necessary - you'll see why later).

Closing comments:
This won't be easy the first time, and you might not like the result. That's ok. Discovering that the original version you wrote here could have been better is part of why you're doing this.

Just keep going until you've completed the task. You don't have to like the result, and you're not going to show it to anybody. But you must complete it.

Reminder: you're not making the new version for me. It should be composed for the original target.

Cops don't arrest innocent people who aren't committing crimes. Did Will tell you that she has had him arrested? Sounds very suspicious to me.

I heard it from both. Will and his mom both said that she has called the cops on him so much that they have a first name basis with the cops. He was only a minor at the time(s) so he never really went to jail because he never committed actual crimes.

 

[Hypnalis]

@WVV

I'm not sure why you quoted me in the post above, but just so it's clear:

I'm presently waiting for you to complete the task I outlined above.
Naturally it's your choice if you do it or not, and I won't be upset if you choose not to.
But if you don't want to do it, please let me know.

NB: The forum software lets you collect multiple quotes, then paste them all into the same post.
If you get one that's not needed (this seems like to be the case in your post to Mary Terry) you can delete all the text in that one quote, and it's removed from the new post you're drafting.

 

[Mary Terry]

I heard it from both. Will and his mom both said that she has called the cops on him so much that they have a first name basis with the cops. He was only a minor at the time(s) so he never really went to jail because he never committed actual crimes.

So, his mother was just wasting the time and resources of law enforcement? And she and Will were lying about his being arrested?

That family, or maybe just the mother, seems to enjoy high drama and a lot of hyperbole. Personally, I'd steer clear of the whole situation, and tell Will that if and when he grows up/matures to the point he actually wants to explore a personal relationship with you, to give you a call then. It's not your responsibility to "rescue" him from his mother. He is old enough now to break from his mother if he really wanted to.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

yup, i feel tempted to go to escorts/sex workers for the rest of my life because i hate and resent and don't want to have to court women all over again, i resent having to take the lead.

 

[WVV]

I get that and I wish that wasn’t the case for you. Personally I love guys who take the lead because it says a lot about their leadership in some ways. I also understand that some men prefer the woman to take the lead and thats ok if its what you prefer and are ok with it.

 

[WVV]

@WVV

First stage: edit your posts.

Purpose:
This is to go through the process of shaping your content and delivery for the audience.

Background:
People tend to compose their words as though they were talking/writing for themselves. Which is a good start - it makes the creative part easier. But it's not the ideal final form, which should be designed for the intended audience.

It takes quite a lot of practice to do this well in real time, while conversing. It's much easier with text, because you can take as much time as you like.

First exercise:
Edit the post above (#104) for the same person (Steelbookcollector217?). Just do it once, and don't post it here.
* First separate out the different ideas in the post.
* Then select a sequence to present them.
* Reword each one as a single sentence (it's ok to make them shorter or longer, or even completely rewrite them)
* Put it together with accurate punctuation and paragraph spacing (if you need more then one paragraph)

On completion:
Make a short post here (max 3 lines) with your impressions of the process you went through to perform the task.
There's no right or wrong answer for this. It won't be "graded".
I just need it because I won't see what you did (My not seeing the reworded post is necessary - you'll see why later).

Closing comments:
This won't be easy the first time, and you might not like the result. That's ok. Discovering that the original version you wrote here could have been better is part of why you're doing this.

Just keep going until you've completed the task. You don't have to like the result, and you're not going to show it to anybody. But you must complete it.

Reminder: you're not making the new version for me. It should be composed for the original target.

Im not going to edit post #103. I just wanted to let you know.

 

[WVV]

So, his mother was just wasting the time and resources of law enforcement? And she and Will were lying about his being arrested?

That family, or maybe just the mother, seems to enjoy high drama and a lot of hyperbole. Personally, I'd steer clear of the whole situation, and tell Will that if and when he grows up/matures to the point he actually wants to explore a personal relationship with you, to give you a call then. It's not your responsibility to "rescue" him from his mother. He is old enough now to break from his mother if he really wanted to.

No, they never lied about it.

He was arrested and sent to detention centers and he was in and out of them because of his mom. She would purposely get him angry to the point you can consider it violent behavior. Once he would act on it due to anger then she would have him arrested. His mom does not know how to handle a person who is autistic, to her you should still think and process everything the same way as somebody who isn't on the spectrum.

You are right his mom loves drama, manipulating, and to be self serving. Its all about how she feels and can care less about everybody else’s feelings and desires.

 

[jsilver256]

"She made me beat her" is the world's biggest red flag. Tell this to your therapist.

 

[WVV]

That is a good point and very funny!!!!
Maybe I will tell my therapist that.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

I get that and I wish that wasn’t the case for you. Personally I love guys who take the lead because it says a lot about their leadership in some ways. I also understand that some men prefer the woman to take the lead and thats ok if its what you prefer and are ok with it.

it just fills me with so much anger and rage that men have always had to be the ones to take the lead, i never understood the god damn logic behind why taking the lead is a masculine thing to do

 

[WVV]

it just fills me with so much anger and rage that men have always had to be the ones to take the lead, i never understood the god damn logic behind why taking the lead is a masculine thing to do

I do not know if this helps but this is how most women look and feel about men who take the lead.

When men make the first move, it makes women feel wanted. She sees him as a confident guy, and therefore someone she can count on and respect.

It also fulfills their romantic notions of men going on their knees and proposing them.

This may also make them feel safe from the perspective of reading the guy's overture in the right way.

Lately, Ive been missing my boyfriend terribly since we’ve been separated twice. I think about him all the time and how much Im in love with him to the point I cannot do my daily chores because all I think about is wanting to be with him in person!!!

 

[Mary Terry]

it just fills me with so much anger and rage that men have always had to be the ones to take the lead, i never understood the god damn logic behind why taking the lead is a masculine thing to do

Maybe it goes back to caveman days when a man would just whack a woman on her head and drag her by her hair back to his cave. I'm being facetious, of course, but instead of wasting your time and emotions by tilting at windmills, you need to accept that men typically take the lead, and most women want it that way.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

Maybe it goes back to caveman days when a man would just whack a woman on her head and drag her by her hair back to his cave. I'm being facetious, of course, but instead of wasting your time and emotions by tilting at windmills, you need to accept that men typically take the lead, and most women want it that way.

i get even more angry when people and society say men are supposed to enjoy and embrace taking the lead

 

[Hypnalis]

Maybe it goes back to caveman days when a man would just whack a woman on her head and drag her by her hair back to his cave. I'm being facetious, of course, but instead of wasting your time and emotions by tilting at windmills, you need to accept that men typically take the lead, and most women want it that way.

The caveman thing is modern (20th century) humor, which worked in a world where women's privilege was understood and accepted by everyone. I know you meant it in a positive way, but in the 2020's it doesn't pass the "symmetry test": if women would be offended by any version of that (and many would) then it's off limits for everyone.
(For completeness: men had privileges too. The "western" world was a sociologically asymmetrical, and everyone knew it. It was probably fair too, but we'll never know, because it's been (figuratively) nuked.)

More on point: the "who approaches whom" rules have changed. This isn't good for NTs, but it's a terrible thing for Aspies. Regardless of what women prefer (which is being approached, because it's much easier), it's no longer safe for men to approach strangers. Men who aren't skilled and experienced at the game shouldn't play it at all.

@Steelbookcollector217
You have a moral right to be unhappy about this but I promise you, the resentment makes it much worse for your prospects. If you ever want to be approached, be calm, relaxed, and have a "resting happy face".