Coping with work socially

[tploom8x]

I find it really difficult in work when people start coming in and I'm serving them and taking orders. I read into every facial expression and feel very hyperaware of peoples moods. I automatically jump to thinking somethings wrong with me or something I've done if they look angry or have a negative facial expression.
Also feel like no matter how hard I try it doesn't feel enough, always feeling frustrated and like I've been weird or acted strange.
Feels exhausting in social situations that are unavoidable.

 

[Misty Avich]

I used to do voluntary work at a charity shop, and while I was super social with the other volunteers there, I always felt nervous and suddenly shy when I was put on the till serving the customers because I felt like I had a huge responsibility (handling money and making sure customers are satisfied, all on my own). I found it very daunting and I told the boss this but she didn't listen and still made me go on the till. I was only 18 or 19, and it was around the time when having to pay for a bag was introduced in the UK, and some people didn't like it and would get arrogant or even threatening, and me being the timid sort of girl that I am, I found it very stressful and difficult to handle.
I had to leave the charity shop in the end because the boss didn't seem to understand me and I just found most customers too stressful. I understand it's less easy to leave your job when it's a paying job, as it's not like jobs are plentiful these days.
But my experience from that was to avoid applying for any jobs that involved working with customers because I just lack the authority skills and I'm too much like a frightened mouse.
But I'm not saying you should have, because I understand that we don't always have a choice where we work. But I'm glad I work in a garage where I never have to deal with the public.

 

[AspieChris]

I find it really difficult in work when people start coming in and I'm serving them and taking orders. I read into every facial expression and feel very hyperaware of peoples moods. I automatically jump to thinking somethings wrong with me or something I've done if they look angry or have a negative facial expression.
Also feel like no matter how hard I try it doesn't feel enough, always feeling frustrated and like I've been weird or acted strange.
Feels exhausting in social situations that are unavoidable.

Is it time to start looking for a different job? The customers will always be there, and so will your anxiety. You can perfect your mask over time, but you’ll likely be exhausted at the end of every day.

 

[tploom8x]

Is it time to start looking for a different job? The customers will always be there, and so will your anxiety. You can perfect your mask over time, but you’ll likely be exhausted at the end of every day.

Thanks for your reply, I do love the restaurant and we are like a little family as there's only 3 of us working there. Even though my manager doesn't really understand my social difficulties she has tried to be supportive and I do really appreciate everything they have done for me. I guess it's just difficult because I'm always going to feel weird socially so being in front of lots of people isn't great. What jobs would be good for people who struggle socially I'm not really sure.

 

[Misty Avich]

thanks for your reply, I do love the restaurant and we are like a little family as there's only 3 of us working there. Even though my manager doesn't really understand my social difficulties she has tried to be supportive and I do really appreciate everything they have done for me. I guess it's just difficult because I'm always going to feel weird socially so being in front of lots of people isn't great. What jobs would be good for people who struggle socially I'm not really sure.

Yes it can be a bit of a dilemma. It helps that you enjoy your job though. I guess every job has its downsides as well as upsides. My job is almost perfect for me, except occasionally when I have to go out in public to get to another building that the company also owns, that makes me anxious because it means I have to cross the street and walk past people who usually stare at me because I'm a woman dressed in workmen's clothes. Being stared at or judged by strangers for stupid reasons is one of my fears and makes me not want to be seen in public.
But I guess we can't have everything in this life. I think whatever job you go for there will always be something about it that might make you anxious. But I'm not saying that in a matter of fact way, as I understand how you feel.

 

[AspieChris]

Thanks for your reply, I do love the restaurant and we are like a little family as there's only 3 of us working there. Even though my manager doesn't really understand my social difficulties she has tried to be supportive and I do really appreciate everything they have done for me. I guess it's just difficult because I'm always going to feel weird socially so being in front of lots of people isn't great. What jobs would be good for people who struggle socially I'm not really sure.

Any job with less (or none) contact with random people would be great for any one of us. My job has me some days completely left alone, working my ass off. Some days I need to walk into some random office building and convince security to let me into their server room. I’ll sweat, carry 1000’s of pounds of equipment, and be totally happy as long as I don’t have to talk to some security guard I’ve never met.

I have learned to “Fake it ‘till you make it”. But I hate it more and more every day.

 

[AspieChris]

I have to cross the street and walk past people who usually stare at me because I'm a woman dressed in workmen's clothes.

Are you kidding? You’re are a hard working bad-ass dressed in a bad-ass’s work clothes. They’re not judging you. They’re jealous that you get to end your day knowing that you earned that paycheck and that each one of them could be replaced by a telemarketer in India!

Hold your head up high and know that there’s a good person who thinks you’re awesome.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

These types of jobs do not suit us family owned a hardware store when us older ones went to college and university. being social to customers is not something I enjoyed, happy to go back to college when summer over.

 

[Aspychata]

My boss was autistic, it was perfect, their meltdowns didn't bother me at all, because l saw it as temporary. My boss actually understood in the end, and gave me the best serving gigs, and the best nites, but it took me several hours after work to decompress, because my brain was over stimulated , as l worried if l handle things correctly. Maybe find an autistic boss. This was my second autistic boss. The first one l had, never looked me in the eyes, but he didn't manage me at all, and it gave me a chance to excel.