Burnout

[HeyBroadway]

Hi folks. I'm new to the forums. I've posted an introduction but figured I'd ask more specifically here.

I'm looking for resources and experiences about burnout, specifically the burnout autistic adults feel when they are forced to pass as NT for too long.

I was diagnosed 8 years ago by a specialist but I grew up in the theatre and could mask pretty well up until lately. I'm the type of person who if you just knew me on the surface as an acquaintance you probably couldn't tell but if you spend any time with me you know something's up. People who know autism can see it without me telling them. But my psychiatrist only sees me for 10 minutes every 3 months. She has no idea how I function outside of her office and since she doesn't understand autism, there have been several times where there's nothing she can do for me.

I didn't even realize I was in burnout for a while. I thought it was just anxiety, and since I didn't know it was burnout I just kept forcing myself to keep going through with the things that were burning me out. Eventually I hit a crisis point, had to cancel a performance, and pretty much stopped functioning altogether. I started reaching out where I could and connecting with other autistic people seems to be very helpful right now.

Does anyone have any advice? Since I've realized it's burnout I've backed off and taken some time and I'm starting to feel better, but I can't go right back to doing the same thing. I've let a lot of myself relax and I'm not trying to "appear" as anything. I'm just letting me be me instead of trying to be what I think people want to see.

 

[kay]

Anxiety is what I used to think, too. That's what therapist would tell me. And I would push myself harder until I just wasn't able to function worth anything.

When I have hit burnout all I have found to help is sleep, time, getting outside and walking, eating better, letting go of everything stressful in your life that you can. And again, time and sleep. It's a lot like recovering from a bad illness. Don't feel guilty or ashamed or pressure yourself about not being able to keep up with everyone else. And yes, letting yourself be you and not trying to pass as an NT is a good help in feeling better.

It's unfortunate but with autism there isn't that ready made template it seems everyone else has for life. Therapist don't get it, people give us advice that makes everything worse. And then if you are like me you get in the trap of thinking you just can do what ever it is that the world has convinced you should do exactly how you think everyone else is doing it.

To some degree I think most people, ASD or NT, are trying to pass and push themselves toward burnout. Just autistic are more likely to burnout first, worse, and need longer to recover.

Trying to pass as NT all the time is just going to make yourself far more vulnerable when uncontrollable things happen.

Hope you do well recovering. Sorry you are going through it and do consider some soup or what ever is healthy and comforting. Wish I had more advice, maybe someone else on here has more and better ideas than me.

 

[HeyBroadway]

Thank you. I am extremely relieved to have reached back out to the autism community. I have been practically begging medical professionals for help for months while this was going on and nobody had any idea what to do. It was exactly like you said - everyone else seems to have templates and what works for them actually makes it worse for me. I felt like I was going crazy, I honestly felt there was something majorly wrong with me that was making me feel like that. Turns out I'm just autistic.

 

[Anthracite]

All you really can do for burnout is have time out. Do what you need to get by in daily life but practice plenty of self care as well (self care should be a daily occurrence but most people don't have time). People who've lived without a diagnosis usually have to unlearn all the "NT-propaganda" s**t they've had shoved down their throats from birth, and that's hard. Start small, move at your own pace and accept that you're gonna feel awkward because you've been schooled that your natural self is "wrong/shameful".

I had a massive crisis when I left school, fell into The Pit for about a year before I went and tried to adult. Did that for a couple of years then had The Burnout. That's when I went to the doctor's, basically depressed/suicidal AF. I've been doing much better now I have few responsibilities, have a "legit" diagnosis, much better understanding from family and meet regularly with other autists.

 

[HeyBroadway]

I graduated from university 3 years ago and started trying to build a career in theatre, as a writer/performer. There aren't a lot of roles out there that I fit, so I started writing my own. My initial bumbles before I thought I knew what I was doing were actually kind of successful and I started making headway, but then I started really watching and studying other people's careers and started trying to do what they did, because I thought the only way to be successful was their way. Of course it's not working. My path to success is different. There is a conventional way to break in, and it usually involves a lot of networking and socializing. Right now I'm trying to figure out how to measure success so that I can figure out how to get there. Well, actually right now I'm trying not to think about that so I can recharge and then figure out how to navigate the world now.

It's weird. I always had some tiny level of denial there, reinforced by the people around me. It's gone now.

 

[Bolletje]

Try to make a schedule for every day. Not filled to the brim, but give yourself something to do. Chores can feel daunting when you’re burnt out, but when you divide them and put them on a week planner, it can make life a little easier. Plus you’ll get a little sense of achievement when you’ve done everything that’s on your daily checklist.
Make sure you get plenty of exercise and go outside for a walk or a bike ride every day. Try to work on a healthy sleep schedule if you don’t have one already: no staying up all night, no sleeping in until late. Try to keep it regular.
Best of luck to you

 

[Bella Pines]

I've let a lot of myself relax and I'm not trying to "appear" as anything. I'm just letting me be me instead of trying to be what I think people want to see.

Ironically, that's really good advice

I call it burnout too. Not sure if there's an official term but there seems to be a language growing in the aspie community to define types of episode. I understand shutdown to be, overloaded and struggling to talk or function, retreat. I understand meltdown to be yelling, screaming, throwing things and utterly overwhelmed with emotion, usually anger.

But I also use the word burnout for long build up events. I first "burnt out" around 32. It's like I am exhausted, it's a slow build up of lots of information and noise and life in general. It makes me feel drained, disappointed, hopeless. When I burn out I struggle to see the point to anything, I struggle to leave the house, nothing I do has any joy in it. I can exist this way for months. 18 months being my longest burnout so far.

For me it's a cycle, after that first burn out, I burn out every 3 years. Just like with my meltdowns I can almost see it coming, however this could be a self fulfilling prophecy and my expecting burn out may be the thing triggering it!

So what I do is:

1. I do what you do, I am more "myself" whether people like it or not. Sure I lose a few friends but that often turns out to be a relief.
2. I force myself into a special interest. Whilst I don't initially feel the joy, I eventually get the hang of it and start to hyper focus again.
3. I retreat into my imagination and search for a good series of books. I've been through at least 3 burn outs that I was aware of and have discovered Ilona Andrews, Patricia Briggs and Karen Marie Moning
4. I watch TV and surf the internet. It's like I go into robot mode for a few months.

So far... fingers crossed, the "burnouts" have passed and I'm back to normal. Though whilst I describe it as "normal" my husband describes it as flat lining! But as long as I can approximate happy then all is well.

 

[Progster]

I agree with @Bolletje . Establish a routine, don't take on or try to do too much at once. In the evening, just relax, get a good night's sleep. Slow the tempo down for a while, don't commit yourself to or force yourself to do things unless they are strictly necessary.

 

[Mary Anne]

Wh

Hi folks. I'm new to the forums. I've posted an introduction but figured I'd ask more specifically here.

I'm looking for resources and experiences about burnout, specifically the burnout autistic adults feel when they are forced to pass as NT for too long.

I was diagnosed 8 years ago by a specialist but I grew up in the theatre and could mask pretty well up until lately. I'm the type of person who if you just knew me on the surface as an acquaintance you probably couldn't tell but if you spend any time with me you know something's up. People who know autism can see it without me telling them. But my psychiatrist only sees me for 10 minutes every 3 months. She has no idea how I function outside of her office and since she doesn't understand autism, there have been several times where there's nothing she can do for me.

I didn't even realize I was in burnout for a while. I thought it was just anxiety, and since I didn't know it was burnout I just kept forcing myself to keep going through with the things that were burning me out. Eventually I hit a crisis point, had to cancel a performance, and pretty much stopped functioning altogether. I started reaching out where I could and connecting with other autistic people seems to be very helpful right now.

Does anyone have any advice? Since I've realized it's burnout I've backed off and taken some time and I'm starting to feel better, but I can't go right back to doing the same thing. I've let a lot of myself relax and I'm not trying to "appear" as anything. I'm just letting me be me instead of trying to be what I think people want to see.

Why not get weekly therapy in addition to your once a month 10 minute medication management? Also, keep interacting here in these threads- it’s great therapy and finding out you are NOT alone!

 

[HeyBroadway]

Therapy can easily run at $100 a session here. Definitely can't afford even one of those a month. It's online or nothing for me.

Right now I'm just kind of in damage control. I had just started to make headway in my career and I'm trying not to lose it.

 

[Mary Anne]

There are agencies that offer therapy services based on what you can pay. If you can’t pay much it can be low cost or even free to get therapy. There are also different types of therapy...a counselor is cheaper than a psychologist, and the most expensive is the classic psychiatrist. There is also group therapies. So many more kinds that are available...but most people just assume that therapy is always unaffordable when it’s not.

 

[HeyBroadway]

Sorry, I don't live in the US. That might be how the US system works, but I have explored all of my options as far as free therapy goes where I live and it's not easy. There are absolutely no autism services for adults in my city unless you are considered "low functioning". Psychiatric services have long waiting lists and referrals and usually you have to be in pretty bad shape to have any sort of regular support. I'm lucky to have as much as I do. It's not enough though, which is why I came here.

 

[CMZ]

Just like with my meltdowns I can almost see it coming, however this could be a self fulfilling prophecy and my expecting burn out may be the thing triggering it!

My burnouts have only come on without me knowing they were coming on.


Also, as far as therapy goes I'm not sure it works in cases of autistic burnout if the therapist doesn't know it's autistic burnout but presumes it's garden-variety depression or anxiety or whatever. I'm finding that there are very few resources out there for dealing with autistic burnout and am wondering what I can do to help.