Aspie-Aspie meeting/flirting

[theblitz6794]

First post here woo!

I met a girl who's obviously on the spectrum (although ASD, aspie, ect she either wasn't diagnosed or didn't want to get too into the subject so she didn't say but I can cold read this kind of thing rather effectively) and the...whatever we have has me all confused. I'm likely a borderline /mild case (psych merely suggested several times I am on the spectrum and offered to put it down on my file but he's not a fan of labels).

Anyways, I basically have no idea what's going on between us. I can't really read her emotions. Oh, and she transferred 2 months after meeting at jr college to a place I can't just visit but isn't too too far, especially after I transfer myself. We VERY much kept our distance to each other before transferring too.With an NT it's fairly simple but I cannot tell if I am some beta orbiter desperately trying to talk to her and she's going along and "being nice" (I've done that to girls too, no hard feelings there), she's holding back because she's anxious or shy, she's naturally very quiet and solitary, ect. I cannot get a feel of who this person really is at their core, which was and remains my only fundamental goal here (I try to not stay too attached to outcomes but simultaneously a relationship or FWB would be presumably very nice or at least worth experimenting with). We never laid a good framework either of how we think about each other or what we're trying to do or anything.

I'm trying to maintain the status quo until she visits home and then see if we can't get on the same page, whatever, that is, then, but I have no idea if that's a good plan or what I'm supposed to do. I've laid out my perspective but I have no clue at all how correct it is or what she's thinking or how things really are.

I'm looking here just for an outside perspective. Brutal and realer, the better

 

[Ereth]

You don't really need a plan for dating, especially when you first start seeing someone . . . just spend time with her and see where it goes.

 

[Cali Cat]

Hey, Blitz. Welcome to the forum. Sounds like there's a lot of obscurity surrounding this "relationship" (in the sense that any interaction between two people constitutes a relationship). It's not unusual to not be able to "read" an Aspie. Even from one to another, we can be closed books. My late husband and I had to be very frank with each other; otherwise, we ran the risk of confusing each other.

What do you mean that you two "VERY much kept (your) distance" prior to her transferring schools? Were you purposefully keeping a distance from her?

Since she's already gone, it's probably best to wait until she visits home. Make a point of asking her out to lunch (less formal than dinner). Take her someplace where you can chat. Try to be upfront about your interest in her as a person. Ask her about her life and her interests. Just see where that takes you, and if it seems promising, maybe ask how she feels about you.

 

[theblitz6794]

Well we never hung out outside of school except once to study, although it degenerated (for the good) into a very long 3 hour life talk. And after that, we sort of had this dynamic where we kept everything surface level and came up with excuses (or legitimate reasons...I don't actually know) and went some periods of not really talking. But behind this, from my perspective, were snippets of us going deeper and expressing interest in vague, plausibly deniable ways. It's hard to describe because our interactions, from my perspective, are littered with subtleties.

I'm not looking for a plan or algorithm. I'm looking for a general outline of what I'm supposed to do. I require structure in everything, albeit vague bendable structure.

 

[Wimmera]

Hi Blitz, Here is a link to an article about aspie-aspie relationships. See if you recognize anything familiar there. The article was pretty much a spot-on description of me and a close friend on the spectrum.

Aspie to Aspie: Relationships | Everyday Asperger's

 

[tree]

This is a list of characteristics the same person wrote
describing aspie female (aka, herself, as well as others).
https://aspiewomenspeak.wordpress.c...-an-unofficial-checklist-from-samantha-craft/

I found the Aspie to Aspie article plausible, but
overly angst-y. Rather depressing, actually.
Accentuates the negative.
With an 'oh how daring are we to consider
interacting with each other' sort of flair.
(Link in Post #5.)

 

[On the Inside]

I'm glad this thread popped up again for the links to the articles. I found myself feeling a bit of envy with the post on Aspie/Aspie relationships, it exposed a strong sense of longing in me. Something to ponder.

The checklist is great, and not necessarily specific to women. This Aspie male checked off most all of them. I think the executive function part was a little weak, but maybe she doesn't have much of a problem with that.

 

[tree]

I'm glad this thread popped up again for the links to the articles. I found myself feeling a bit of envy with the post on Aspie/Aspie relationships, it exposed a strong sense of longing in me. Something to ponder.

The checklist is great, and not necessarily specific to women. This Aspie male checked off most all of them. I think the executive function part was a little weak, but maybe she doesn't have much of a problem with that.

I got the impression she just didn't have
much information about it.