Advice on expressing my opinions?

[SilverAbsol21]

Hello,
I'm a 21 year old with ASD and I'm currently roommates with my older sister who's moving out in August.
In the past, I've felt I wanted a cat as a companion/friend. But a year ago, I tried to adopt a cat while my sister adopted a dog (we were roommates then as well). The cat was sweet but far more energetic and talkative than the shelter realized, and I ended up having several meltdowns and had a hard time getting him to relax. After he scratched me a few times, I had to take him back to the shelter. I felt horrible afterwards and wished I had a better time dealing with energetic animals (I was glad to hear that my cat did get adopted after). My sister's dog was also a stress for me (not as much now though since my sister and I aren't as close since she dislikes me partly for not feeling as comfortable around her dog at times)
Despite loving animals, I decided that I couldn't handle having one, but I like to volunteer at shelters though.
But now, my sister's friend's mom was unable to keep her cat and my sister wanted me to take it in. I know that I can't handle a cat now but she told me that she wanted me to take her. She's staying with me now, but I was not told that she isn't spayed or has shot records (she's 7yrs). I also don't know when her last check-up was, and she loops very underweight and maybe sick. She lets me pet her, but, other than that, she sleeps and meows whenever she's awake. My sister's dog also barks, growls and whines at her which makes her get agitated and hiss, so I have her in my room. I feel horrible that I took her in when I thought I couldn't handle it but my sister's persuasion and guilting me made me overlook my feelings. I want to take her to a shelter to see if they can give her shots and find her a home with someone who is around more to spend time with her, but I'm afraid to tell my sister since she always tells me that I need to deal with my pain and stop trying to change things. She sees my sensory and other problems as excuses i make when I don't get my way, but that's not how I am. I hate that I got myself into this mess but I feel horrible and can't due to my stress. And I haven't told my mom and I'm stressing about that and have been to depressed to do almost anything today.
I know I'll have to tell her but I've been having bad thoughts since I blame myself for how I am.
I'm sorry for the vent- I just don't know how to better a dress my weaknesses and explain them before I get myself into these situations that make me meltdown so much.
Thank you for reading.

 

[garnetflower13]

I would definitely take the cat to the shelter in order for them to try to find it a new home. Your sister will just have to deal with that! You have to look after yourself, and if your sister can't or won't understand your sensory issues, then it is for you to decide if you can take in a pet at this time. The cat will probably be happier where a dog isn't growling at it and stressing it, plus the cat can feel your stress which makes it more upset. You are over twenty so your sister should let you make your own decisions.
So sorry that you are going through this stress!

 

[Suzanne]

It is only now, in my 40's that I am able to express my opinion and so, have been trodden on many times, because of being too shy or feeling I did not have a right to express what I thought.

As for this cat, the answer is, of course, to take her or him to the shelter home.

I like animals, but cannot cope with them. We have two little dogs and although I do love them and would not wish them any harm, I cannot cope with them very much. Might be able to cope with one, and that is the worst of it; wondering how long the other one will stay alive! Horrible feeling to have!

 

[ChurchTheArtist]

I hate that I got myself into this mess but I feel horrible and can't due to my stress. And I haven't told my mom and I'm stressing about that and have been to depressed to do almost anything today.
I know I'll have to tell her but I've been having bad thoughts since I blame myself for how I am.
I'm sorry for the vent- I just don't know how to better a dress my weaknesses and explain them before I get myself into these situations that make me meltdown so much.
Thank you for reading.

Hehehe, I don't mind the rant but I think the last part is worth addressing if that is, in fact what you posted for.

My sister is much like your sister in this regard. I've also known many other people who have that whole "it's just in your head, it's not real" idealism making interacting with various people rather taxing and difficult.

First off: Gain perspective. No one can force you to take a pet. They shouldn't try and shame on them for using guilt and pointing fingers at your personal business. It seems like you had the right idea but your sister changed your mind and now you regret that. Gain perspective so that you may always look onto a problem both in close inspection and broad scale. People can sway you with a few well placed details but if you can keep a good view on the ultimate "no" of the matter, it will help.

Second: Learn to share less with those people. You have to learn to spot the people who don't believe you have an issue and/or won't respect it. Once you spot them, learn to adapt to them. The pushy ones are especially tricky. Remember the first point about perspective? You don't owe anyone an explanation as to why you won't take their dog or cat. If you say "no" that should be enough. What you are seeing is the result of sharing something personal to you that others do not understand and ultimately, they don't really need to know at this point. If they have a problem about it, let them go onto their own forums about being pushy people and vent about how someone didn't get successfully pushed today.

Third: You will always come off rude until you perfect it. Forget people who think of you so short-term like. You can tell them "I don't mean to be rude but I can't do that and I don't want to discuss it either" and they may react poorly but that's not really your problem. If it IS a problem because of some way you are connected to them, then you have bigger issues that are addressed later.

Tone, facial features, verbal speed and word choice are all skills to be learned, practiced and mastered. I rarely just drop scripture on public forums for good reason but I have a simple proverb that says it well. You don't have to be religious to see the wisdom here:
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
If you remember this, turn it into a mental mantra and repeat it when talking to people, you will start to get better. I can't tell you how many times I've seen this work, even with the most rowdy and hateful white-trash rednecks in the south. Stay calm, stay kind and keep perspective.

I know that sometimes it's hard to open up to family and I hate that not all family is suited to support one of us. But you are doing well to come and ask questions here. There are plenty of people here who will listen and encourage you and help you. It's a great place to try and find a friend or two.

I hope this helps; let me know if you want more tips.

 

[Cali Cat]

Let's talk about the cat for a moment ...

You need to make sure you contact a no kill shelter.

I can understand getting yourself in too deep and needing to get out of it, but the cat deserves the chance for a good home too. From what you say, it doesn't sound like the poor thing came from a good home.

Get on the Internet and make a list of no kill shelters in your area and call them until you find someone willing to help. Explain your situation, and be prepared that you may have to invest some money in getting the cat sterilized and given shots, or pay the shelter a surrender fee. Think of it as an expensive learning experience.

It is also a possibility that the cat does have health issues if the previous owners didn't give it proper vet care. He/she could have feline AIDS or leukemia. It's not contagious to humans or dogs, but a shelter may require you to have it tested before accepting it.

Older cats are harder to adopt out, so tell the shelter that he/she is only 5 years old. Hopefully, its health won't indicate otherwise.

I have a real problem with the kind of people who guilted you into taking this poor creature. They didn't care for it properly, and then when it became inconvenient, they dumped the responsibility on someone else. If I knew them, I'd give them a piece of my mind ... and probably a piece of my boot up their arse as well.

It's not an easy task rehoming a cat, but hopefully, you will find a no kill shelter willing to help. If it doesn't work out, and you have to surrender it to a regular shelter, at least you can feel you did the best you could for this innocent life.

Good luck!