autism-and-autotune
A musical mind with recent revelations
I'm unsure if this is even the right place to ask for this sort of advice. Maybe it's not advice I need, but...just a place to part with my thoughts. Thank you in advance for bearing with me.
It...well, I don't know how to begin. A person with whom I once had a past has somehow managed to reappear into my life, but as far as interactions go there has been no contact between us. Honestly at one point in my life, I figured that they were dead (this was in the utmost pits of despair, falling into escapism). At first I figured my eyes were playing tricks on me, but as mask mandates have been lifted in my area of the country I knew it was them. At my realization I felt all kinds of sensations and emotions: shame, nervousness, guilt; intense hatred for myself and who I used to be, and more annoyingly thoughts of what could've been. In my area of work, this individual is a recurring customer.
I worry many things, and worry most of all that by writing my anxieties they will manifest into existence. Of course, I know that part of my mind is being irrational, but to every irration there must also be ration. I have not seen this individual in nearly a decade, and our parting was abrupt and jarring and I over-reacted poorly due to my unknown autism. But I never ever imagined that there may once be a day where we cross paths; what was once my greatest hope and end-goal has now become a nightmare; a thing to be cautious about. But why?
Maybe I'm just over-thinking things...but I don't know. What not to do is obviously walk up to them and say "Ah hello, glad you're not dead!" Would they think me angry at them, or insane? Oh, the alternatives and angles...I really know what not to do but I don't know what to do.
It...well, I don't know how to begin. A person with whom I once had a past has somehow managed to reappear into my life, but as far as interactions go there has been no contact between us. Honestly at one point in my life, I figured that they were dead (this was in the utmost pits of despair, falling into escapism). At first I figured my eyes were playing tricks on me, but as mask mandates have been lifted in my area of the country I knew it was them. At my realization I felt all kinds of sensations and emotions: shame, nervousness, guilt; intense hatred for myself and who I used to be, and more annoyingly thoughts of what could've been. In my area of work, this individual is a recurring customer.
I worry many things, and worry most of all that by writing my anxieties they will manifest into existence. Of course, I know that part of my mind is being irrational, but to every irration there must also be ration. I have not seen this individual in nearly a decade, and our parting was abrupt and jarring and I over-reacted poorly due to my unknown autism. But I never ever imagined that there may once be a day where we cross paths; what was once my greatest hope and end-goal has now become a nightmare; a thing to be cautious about. But why?
Maybe I'm just over-thinking things...but I don't know. What not to do is obviously walk up to them and say "Ah hello, glad you're not dead!" Would they think me angry at them, or insane? Oh, the alternatives and angles...I really know what not to do but I don't know what to do.