I do not like being alone.

[Metalhead]

I should spend some money going to see some live music this weekend instead of sitting in my house feeling bad that all of my friends are way too busy for even a simple phone call this weekend.

I do not feel comfortable in my own skin at all.

This is the root of my alcohol problems, the root of my shopping addictions, the root of my overeating issues.

I despise how I have allowed so many people to walk all over me.

I hate how I have lived in the past.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

If concerts make you feel connected to the world, I think that's a great idea. Being home too much can be hard, and the internet is also a very lonely place. I find myself happiest when feeling I'm in the world, and then I can accept what happens instead of worrying about expectation.

I hope you find what you want, whatever it is.

 

[Rodafina]

Do it! Share your experience here! We will be “with” you.

Any promising performances this weekend?

 

[Metalhead]

Do it! Share your experience here! We will be “with” you.

Any promising performances this weekend?

There is a jazz bar nearby with a great house band, so as long as I get a non alcoholic drink and an appetizer, I can enjoy that for a while.

 

[Rodafina]

I admire your ability to enjoy yourself in public places. Seeing a show sounds fun, but I get too overwhelmed in such a setting to focus on the fun parts. If I lived near you, I would get the courage to go with you and hide behind you when the world got too scary!

 

[Metalhead]

I admire your ability to enjoy yourself in public places. Seeing a show sounds fun, but I get too overwhelmed in such a setting to focus on the fun parts. If I lived near you, I would get the courage to go with you and hide behind you when the world got too scary!

The jazz bar is a pretty mellow place. The biggest problem is that everything there is expensive and getting in requires a bit of luck due to its popularity and the fact they take no reservations.

I saw a couple of tribute bands a couple of weeks ago at another local venue, that was a very fun time. A $20 ticket for three hours of live music and free refills on the Diet Coke.

 

[Metalhead]

I grew up under the shadow of extreme abuse, at the hands of parents who did not want me, at the hands of military doctors who pumped me full of Lithium at the tender young age of 9, at the hands of doctors who thought the best way to deal with my reactions to being brutally bullied was to lock me in a dark padded room for several hours and forgetting about me for a while, to another doctor in that same hospital who molested me while playing it off as a usual examination, to an aunt and uncle who thought it was funny to sexually humiliate me in a variety of ways shortly after that, to parents who tell me to this very day that I remember things differently than they actually happened.

I wish I could take a pill, forget about all of that, and focus on how I should take care of myself today instead.

 

[1ofakind]

Just wanted to thank you for having the courage to share your experiences. I don't know exactly what you are going through, but I do know what it feels like to be thought of as the unwanted accident in a narcissistic family system (Not just emotional abuse!). I went through a lot of severe abuse and invalidation, too - not just as a child, but as an adult.

It is hard enough to deal with the interpersonal challenges and bullying/abuse from being on the autism spectrum, but it is a double whammy when the people who are supposed to love and support you make your life even more difficult.

I, too, wish that I could just put it behind me ("Take a pill" to stop the negative impact). But research now shows how trauma lives in our bodies and takes time & support to undo the damage.

So, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone! More importantly, your bravery in facing and sharing your challenges helps validate and heal some of my experiences. It helps others feel connected that may not be possible otherwise. From afar, I am wishing you the best and cheering you on to be the best you can be.

 

[AdamG]

I also like getting out. Not often, and not to be social, but to be in a crowd. Like a restaurant, or a show, or a lake beach or something. Not expected to talk, but I can absorb it all.
.
I think it normalizes me. Since I'm always alone (with my wife, and she is more anti-social than I am) I find it good to see what the masses are actually saying to each other. Brush myself up on "if I ever have to talk to someone".
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It also energizes me a little, as I'm pretty sensitive, and seeing all the diversity of personalities is uplifting. For a while.
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Of course, I have to have an escape route available when I need ... or I'll go from "nicely social" to "jittery" to "not quite rational" within 45 minutes or so. And then I'll need alone time for a bit, and ignore even my wife.
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Anyway, I do yearn it. And I need it. If I had a real life friend, it would be easier to do more often (my wife joins me sometimes, but it isn't the same, I see her all the time).

 

[Wolfnox]

Small cafe.