"You use autism as an excuse."

[Underdawg]

having autism really isn't an excuse. we all have the capability to learn, right? we can even learn, intellectually, what to do when something happens that a person is completely unable to do otherwise.

i believe, we all have the capability to be perfectly NT, in social situations. even if only for a short time. people who say they cant... i don't really believe them, because i tend to assume that people are more intelligent and/or more capable in general than i am. ergo, if i could do it, someone smarter or better than me definitely can.

I can’t agree with this because ASD is a spectrum, meaning that because one person can learn to “be perfectly NT” , that does not mean we all can do that. I am 68 and no matter how much I intellectualize the correct way to handle something, I mess it all up by misreading what the other person is really trying to say. I can’t get it, no matter how hard I work at it. Or perhaps I will burst into tears unexpectedly if the other person confuses me. It is just too, too hard!

There is also the problem that not every person with autism has the exact same way their brain functions. When my testing was done, they told me that my brain shunts stuff all over my brain because some of the parts that should handle it don’t, so it gets sent from point A to point D to point C to point F and sometimes back to point A and I burst into tears.

Some of us just CAN’T! I have a gifted level IQ, which only helps if I am away from distractions and noise and lights and people. Otherwise all those things overwhelm the rest. So how is it that autism is not an excuse?

 

[Mathalamus]

when faced with a complete inability, one can approach it from a different way. compensate for it in a different way. and if you cant do that or dont know how, i suppose you have to live with it, or work with it.

 

[Tre` Wilson]

Well, after the day I've had today it's a miracle that I can even type this without a waterfall of tears pouring from my eyes.

I thought I was having a genuine conversation with someone that I cared about today, but evidently I was wrong, and because of this incident I have distanced myself from said person.

Apparently not being able to read facial expressions or being able to truly contribute my feelings to a conversation without having to stop and think about it for a second means that I'm using my autism as an "excuse."

"You're old enough to know by now when someone is upset or something you said offended them. I'm tired of you constantly repeating the fact that you have autism immediately after something awkward happens. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE! YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE UNLESS YOU DO!"

I have an extremely hard time describing the way I feel about things (people especially) because in my head I'm always correcting myself like "Don't say it that way, it could come across wrong to the other person."

When someone is crying for example, I don't just immediately run up to them and console them, because I know I wouldn't be able to say anything helpful, and it's not like my presence matters to anyone anyway. I usually just stand there with all these thoughts swarming in my head while I try to figure out what to do.

I don't know how someone could think I'm ever faking my autism.. why would I cause myself constant mental headaches and other awkward issues?

It's a part of who I am, and it's not going anywhere.

I just wish people were more patient and understanding about this.

I understand how you feel because my boss told me the same thing at work. When I told her I had just been diagnosed with autism she said "How do you not know that at birth?" and "Nothing's wrong with you just need to be more social and stop being a loner." All this despite documented evidence that shows those things are challenging for me. I realized that you have to ignore some people who choose to stay ignorant and if they're friends or family cut them off because they obviously don't care about your health or well-being.

 

[Gnomienomnom]

Well, after the day I've had today it's a miracle that I can even type this without a waterfall of tears pouring from my eyes.

I thought I was having a genuine conversation with someone that I cared about today, but evidently I was wrong, and because of this incident I have distanced myself from said person.

Apparently not being able to read facial expressions or being able to truly contribute my feelings to a conversation without having to stop and think about it for a second means that I'm using my autism as an "excuse."

"You're old enough to know by now when someone is upset or something you said offended them. I'm tired of you constantly repeating the fact that you have autism immediately after something awkward happens. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE! YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE UNLESS YOU DO!"

I have an extremely hard time describing the way I feel about things (people especially) because in my head I'm always correcting myself like "Don't say it that way, it could come across wrong to the other person."

When someone is crying for example, I don't just immediately run up to them and console them, because I know I wouldn't be able to say anything helpful, and it's not like my presence matters to anyone anyway. I usually just stand there with all these thoughts swarming in my head while I try to figure out what to do.

I don't know how someone could think I'm ever faking my autism.. why would I cause myself constant mental headaches and other awkward issues?

It's a part of who I am, and it's not going anywhere.

I just wish people were more patient and understanding about this.

HI, yes, well just start thinking logically. This is what i do. I study their words and ask questions and analyze... Somethings i get somethings i dont.. I usually like hugs, as my family raised me on hugs. So, i just hug when i see an emotional response. Sometimes i use logic and reason and that doesnt work to well.

 

[Ming of Mongo]

Some people are just never going to get it. Even people you like. That won't change. You just need to make peace with that and get on the best you can.

There are some simple things you can learn about eye contact and how close to stand to people, but when it comes to more complex things, you don't have that circuitry, and faking it is a lifelong battle that isn't really a good use of your time.

Be as careful as you can about who you let close to you, and know that sometimes they just won't get you.

 

[Esa]

Well, after the day I've had today it's a miracle that I can even type this without a waterfall of tears pouring from my eyes.

I thought I was having a genuine conversation with someone that I cared about today, but evidently I was wrong, and because of this incident I have distanced myself from said person.

Apparently not being able to read facial expressions or being able to truly contribute my feelings to a conversation without having to stop and think about it for a second means that I'm using my autism as an "excuse."

"You're old enough to know by now when someone is upset or something you said offended them. I'm tired of you constantly repeating the fact that you have autism immediately after something awkward happens. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE! YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE UNLESS YOU DO!"

I have an extremely hard time describing the way I feel about things (people especially) because in my head I'm always correcting myself like "Don't say it that way, it could come across wrong to the other person."

When someone is crying for example, I don't just immediately run up to them and console them, because I know I wouldn't be able to say anything helpful, and it's not like my presence matters to anyone anyway. I usually just stand there with all these thoughts swarming in my head while I try to figure out what to do.

I don't know how someone could think I'm ever faking my autism.. why would I cause myself constant mental headaches and other awkward issues?

It's a part of who I am, and it's not going anywhere.

I just wish people were more patient and understanding about this.

I also often feel like I don’t matter. I think it’s because people matter to me too much, yet I’ve seen that it’s not mutual and i don’t have the same impact on their lives as they have on mine. I get mad when they’re impatient and insensitive. But I display examples of impatient and insensitive behaviour, so I end up getting mad at myself more. Sure, it’s disappointing to feel irrelevant to the people who matter to you. But my greatest struggle is my inability to cope with the fact that our emotions do not seem to have the same intensity. Some days I’m just indifferent to whatever’s happening to other people because I don’t feel anything. I feel like that overwhelming despair of feeling useless or being a misfit has worn me out. I have no interest in comforting people. I see so much stupidity around me that I can no longer tolerate. I distance myself from people, too. Even those who were once very dear to me. I feel nothing about it. It’s sad but it is what it is. I’m not sure what else to say on this. I don’t know yet whether this is a curse or a gift. All I know is it takes much less energy to just stay away from such people than trying relentlessly to make them see from where you stand. It’s not giving up, it’s accepting. Sometimes we need to accept that people who are being mean to us do not deserve our compassion.

 

[Streetwise]

Welcome

I also often feel like I don’t matter. I think it’s because people matter to me too much, yet I’ve seen that it’s not mutual and i don’t have the same impact on their lives as they have on mine. I get mad when they’re impatient and insensitive. But I display examples of impatient and insensitive behaviour, so I end up getting mad at myself more. Sure, it’s disappointing to feel irrelevant to the people who matter to you. But my greatest struggle is my inability to cope with the fact that our emotions do not seem to have the same intensity. Some days I’m just indifferent to whatever’s happening to other people because I don’t feel anything. I feel like that overwhelming despair of feeling useless or being a misfit has worn me out. I have no interest in comforting people. I see so much stupidity around me that I can no longer tolerate. I distance myself from people, too. Even those who were once very dear to me. I feel nothing about it. It’s sad but it is what it is. I’m not sure what else to say on this. I don’t know yet whether this is a curse or a gift. All I know is it takes much less energy to just stay away from such people than trying relentlessly to make them see from where you stand. It’s not giving up, it’s accepting. Sometimes we need to accept that people who are being mean to us do not deserve our compassion.

 

[Esa]

Well, after the day I've had today it's a miracle that I can even type this without a waterfall of tears pouring from my eyes.

I thought I was having a genuine conversation with someone that I cared about today, but evidently I was wrong, and because of this incident I have distanced myself from said person.

Apparently not being able to read facial expressions or being able to truly contribute my feelings to a conversation without having to stop and think about it for a second means that I'm using my autism as an "excuse."

"You're old enough to know by now when someone is upset or something you said offended them. I'm tired of you constantly repeating the fact that you have autism immediately after something awkward happens. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE! YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE UNLESS YOU DO!"

I have an extremely hard time describing the way I feel about things (people especially) because in my head I'm always correcting myself like "Don't say it that way, it could come across wrong to the other person."

When someone is crying for example, I don't just immediately run up to them and console them, because I know I wouldn't be able to say anything helpful, and it's not like my presence matters to anyone anyway. I usually just stand there with all these thoughts swarming in my head while I try to figure out what to do.

I don't know how someone could think I'm ever faking my autism.. why would I cause myself constant mental headaches and other awkward issues?

It's a part of who I am, and it's not going anywhere.

I just wish people were more patient and understanding about this.

Reading people means more than reading facial gestures and such. Your friend seems to have failed to see your sincerity.

 

[Esa]

View attachment 39690 Welcome

I love sleep for the very same reason

 

[Esa]

And thank you

 

[Abe1]

I also often feel like I don’t matter. I think it’s because people matter to me too much, yet I’ve seen that it’s not mutual and i don’t have the same impact on their lives as they have on mine. I get mad when they’re impatient and insensitive. But I display examples of impatient and insensitive behaviour, so I end up getting mad at myself more. Sure, it’s disappointing to feel irrelevant to the people who matter to you. But my greatest struggle is my inability to cope with the fact that our emotions do not seem to have the same intensity. Some days I’m just indifferent to whatever’s happening to other people because I don’t feel anything. I feel like that overwhelming despair of feeling useless or being a misfit has worn me out. I have no interest in comforting people. I see so much stupidity around me that I can no longer tolerate. I distance myself from people, too. Even those who were once very dear to me. I feel nothing about it. It’s sad but it is what it is. I’m not sure what else to say on this. I don’t know yet whether this is a curse or a gift. All I know is it takes much less energy to just stay away from such people than trying relentlessly to make them see from where you stand. It’s not giving up, it’s accepting. Sometimes we need to accept that people who are being mean to us do not deserve our compassion.

I can totally see where you are coming from and can relate to much of that. However it appears to me that you are being too hard on yourself and try to eliminate bitterness as the only person it ends up destroying is yourself.
You can only do your best, don't forget that.

 

[Esa]

I can totally see where you are coming from and can relate to much of that. However it appears to me that you are being too hard on yourself and try to eliminate bitterness as the only person it ends up destroying is yourself.
You can only do your best, don't forget that.

I'm actually trying to be less easy on people since it usually leads to disappointment. But then of course I end up being too hard on myself. I find it difficult to balance things. I used open up way too fast and way too much but now I tend to see the worst in people. And let's face it, the fact that we all need a forum like this shows how cruel people can be, and how difficult they are making each other's lives. It's true that some (actually most) people are uneducated, but i don't think that it's the only reason why they act the way they act when they come across people who show symptoms of autism. My biggest problem about humans in general is how dishonest they can be. It is exhausting to live in doubt all the time. I don't understand why people want other people in their lives if they cannot accept or like each other. What is the point of faking relationships? Well, in my experience, it often involves satisfying one's needs whatever they may be. I'm a one-strike kind of person. I'm not interested in any drama. Most of all, I'm very intolerant. I'm bitter, yes, I try to be logical. Since we live in a society, we kinda have to interact with people but I'm just trying to avoid unnecessary problems. When I think about my relationships (with friends, family members or boyfriends), I guess I'm healing much faster when I cut ties with someone (compared to before). Each time something like that happens, it takes me less time to get over it.

But I appreciate anyone who is genuine. And that's rare.

 

[Streetwise]

I'm actually trying to be less easy on people since it usually leads to disappointment. But then of course I end up being too hard on myself. I find it difficult to balance things. I used open up way too fast and way too much but now I tend to see the worst in people. And let's face it, the fact that we all need a forum like this shows how cruel people can be, and how difficult they are making each other's lives. It's true that some (actually most) people are uneducated, but i don't think that it's the only reason why they act the way they act when they come across people who show symptoms of autism. My biggest problem about humans in general is how dishonest they can be. It is exhausting to live in doubt all the time. I don't understand why people want other people in their lives if they cannot accept or like each other. What is the point of faking relationships? Well, in my experience, it often involves satisfying one's needs whatever they may be. I'm a one-strike kind of person. I'm not interested in any drama. Most of all, I'm very intolerant. I'm bitter, yes, I try to be logical. Since we live in a society, we kinda have to interact with people but I'm just trying to avoid unnecessary problems. When I think about my relationships (with friends, family members or boyfriends), I guess I'm healing much faster when I cut ties with someone (compared to before). Each time something like that happens, it takes me less time to get over it.

But I appreciate anyone who is genuine. And that's rare.

May I ask have you tried to forgive anybody ,if you knew me you would know I was a lot like you ,still am ,I forgive people now because it is shattering not to ,they still make me angry
But I did it the first time and had the strangest feeling ,it was a good feeling ,never had it like that again !but I keep on doing it , im still very cautious about people and things ,for instance this iPad , I thought today should I throw it against the wall would it work better?

 

[tw3]

A few thoughts from an old guy:
I’ve found it counter productive to mention Aspergers, autism, or any related information.
If confronted, I will tell, quite truthfully, that I didn’t learn these skills when I was a child. I’ve been trying to catch up ever since. I apologize. Please forgive me.
Then I can say something like, “I really value your friendship and maybe you could help me. If I’m acting stupid somehow just give a stern look, or the death stare, or you could even give me an elbow in the ribs. Anyway, while my face may be saying the wrong thing, my heart is right. Again, please forgive me.”

The reason for all this is because most if not all NT’s really cannot understand what we go through. This explanation spoken with humility gives them something they can absorb and accept. Psychologically you will have enlisted them to assist you which gives them a greater feeling of self worth.
You will have affirmed their value to you as a friend and increased their value by getting their help.

We all get frustrated because we are not accepted as we are. This process can help the NT kind of meet us half way. By swallowing our pride a little bit, we have good chance of ending our loneliness.

I’m 73 years old so I know this really works.

 

[Esa]

May I ask have you tried to forgive anybody ,if you knew me you would know I was a lot like you ,still am ,I forgive people now because it is shattering not to ,they still make me angry
But I did it the first time and had the strangest feeling ,it was a good feeling ,never had it like that again !but I keep on doing it , im still very cautious about people and things ,for instance this iPad , I thought today should I throw it against the wall would it work better?

I have forgiven people before. They failed me over and over. I don’t expect different results from the same mistakes (Mistakes being a certain type of people). Can you actually trust people who have failed you at least once? Would it ever be the same with them? Wouldn’t it drive you crazy? I really don’t mind having less people in my life. I’d rather be alone than annoyed by anyone. But I’m not saying I’m entirely alone.

Are you angry with the iPad ?

 

[Streetwise]

I have forgiven people before. They failed me over and over. I don’t expect different results from the same mistakes (Mistakes being a certain type of people). Can you actually trust people who have failed you at least once? Would it ever be the same with them? Wouldn’t it drive you crazy? I really don’t mind having less people in my life. I’d rather be alone than annoyed by anyone. But I’m not saying I’m entirely alone.

Are you angry with the iPad ?

Yes I am angry,I use the speak to text facility ,but I have to talk like an Android as it won't recognise my accent and it replaces words I don't want replacing .
Forgiveness is for you As it's toxic to hold Unforgiveness inside,the pressure is phenomenal The human body is made to hold that kind of pressure .

 

[Esa]

Yes I am angry,I use the speak to text facility ,but I have to talk like an Android as it won't recognise my accent and it replaces words I don't want replacing .
Forgiveness is for you As it's toxic to hold Unforgiveness inside,the pressure is phenomenal The human body is made to hold that kind of pressure .

I just don’t use that facility because I don’t like it when it doesn’t get what I say. Like with people, I stop trying when they don’t get what I say
As for forgiveness, it gets easier to tell the difference between who might not really be worthy of it. To me, it’s the grudge not the unforgiveness that causes pressure. I’d rather “forget” about people than forgiving them if forgiveness means the offence might be repeated. That’s what I choose to do for the time being.

 

[Streetwise]

I just don’t use that facility because I don’t like it when it doesn’t get what I say. Like with people, I stop trying when they don’t get what I say
As for forgiveness, it gets easier to tell the difference between who might not really be worthy of it. To me, it’s the grudge not the unforgiveness that causes pressure. I’d rather “forget” about people than forgiving them if forgiveness means the offence might be repeated. That’s what I choose to do for the time being.

Don't have a choice it's too painful to type all the time ,probably the same for forgiveness that's me though

 

[Esa]

Well, after the day I've had today it's a miracle that I can even type this without a waterfall of tears pouring from my eyes.

I thought I was having a genuine conversation with someone that I cared about today, but evidently I was wrong, and because of this incident I have distanced myself from said person.

Apparently not being able to read facial expressions or being able to truly contribute my feelings to a conversation without having to stop and think about it for a second means that I'm using my autism as an "excuse."

"You're old enough to know by now when someone is upset or something you said offended them. I'm tired of you constantly repeating the fact that you have autism immediately after something awkward happens. LEARN TO READ PEOPLE! YOU'LL NEVER GET ANYWHERE IN LIFE UNLESS YOU DO!"

I have an extremely hard time describing the way I feel about things (people especially) because in my head I'm always correcting myself like "Don't say it that way, it could come across wrong to the other person."

When someone is crying for example, I don't just immediately run up to them and console them, because I know I wouldn't be able to say anything helpful, and it's not like my presence matters to anyone anyway. I usually just stand there with all these thoughts swarming in my head while I try to figure out what to do.

I don't know how someone could think I'm ever faking my autism.. why would I cause myself constant mental headaches and other awkward issues?

It's a part of who I am, and it's not going anywhere.

I just wish people were more patient and understanding about this.

Does music help? Lyrics or no lyrics, sometimes I find pieces of music which interprets how I’m feeling at the time being. It’s like getting naturally high when I find that one song that just sounds exactly like the way I feel. It’s so incredibly beautiful and liberating. The problem is I still can’t explain how I feel to other people even if I find something that explains “me” to myself.

 

[Esa]

Don't have a choice it's too painful to type all the time ,probably the same for forgiveness that's me though

Disappointment is more painful for me. And that’s me