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Why have I been single too long?

Markymarkh

Markymarkh

Member
Hi all, the last time I was in a relationship was in 1996 so it's almost twenty years being single in my adulthood. I had a bad break up with the last girlfriend and knocked my confidence for years, had mental health issues, suffering social anxiety in later years I've not been near women for a long time. I was put on psyche MEDs to control my anxieties but don't really work, I sometimes wonder if my MEDs was messing with my pheromones to stop ladies being attracted to me and has put the weight on. I hardly go out and don't really have any friends I get lonely. Any body else going through what I'm going through? Why am I single?
 
You answered your own question Markymarkh.

First, for anxiety, which is my middle name, I take SEDITIFPC which is an natural one and it works amazingly well for me. Instant results and for a long time and no side effects. But mostly these days, I rely on prayer to get me through an anxiety attack.

Weight could be an issue, but actually it has to do with personality. The fact that you experienced a bad relationship, which must have been awful for you to be single for 20 years, it tends to give off an aura that puts the opposite sex off.

You have joined the best forum, to my mind, in the world of internet and soon enough, you should feel that you are not so lonely any more.

Looking actually doesn't work! Concentrating on one's own personality is what works and in no time at all, a woman will suddenly come into your life and wham!
 
I'm simplifying, but at least part is because you didn't get back on the horse after the last fall. If you want to ride you have to accept you may fall at times.
 
I have to agree with others here. You didn't stay in the game for the past 20 years and that's why you're single "too long".

Granted, any mental (or physical for that matter) issues you have going on at certain periods in your life might put dating on hold for a while or at least make you slow down considerably. But if you end up doing that for 20 years and feel crippled by it... I don't know; what's different now? No anxiety anymore? Better meds?
 
Suzanne's advice is spot on.

I went through something similar (it can't be the same) but similar.

I decided to hell with it. I'm just going to enjoy myself and not even look for another girl friend.

I was totally about, being someone who was not at all looking. I was just wanting to enjoy the company of my friends and let whatever happens, we'll, let it happen.

I was married soon after.

Of course it helps to be incredibly good looking and have the personality of a ... Can't think of what ... But a good one whatever it is.

I jest, but the point is learn to love yourself.

It's learned (not like a stuck up a-hole) but like someone who knows who they are and someone who is comfortable with being themselves.

It's a learned thing.

You are worthy of love.

We all are.

You are in your space; just made for you and there is someone for everyone.

I'm living proof of that ... I'm secretly butt ugly!

Don't be picky; just be sure the person you're interested in is worthy of you.

This sounds so trite but man, it works.

We are here for you; your very own personal rah rah team!

You rock according to us and we're here for you just like we're here for each other,

Oh and don't forget, you rock!
 
Markymarkh said:
Hi all, the last time I was in a relationship was in 1996 so it's almost twenty years being single in my adulthood. I had a bad break up with the last girlfriend and knocked my confidence for years, had mental health issues, suffering social anxiety in later years I've not been near women for a long time. I was put on psyche MEDs to control my anxieties but don't really work, I sometimes wonder if my MEDs was messing with my pheromones to stop ladies being attracted to me and has put the weight on. I hardly go out and don't really have any friends I get lonely. Any body else going through what I'm going through? Why am I single?
Click to expand...

Welcome. Think your on the right forum. You are not the only single here. Heard romours that there's some people here who aint single, but think it's only an Urban Legend :D

It's probably the best forum to get help though. Gotta be many people here who knows what your going through, and can give you some help.
 
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Women don't magically appear, you need to get out & meet them. That's a huge problem for a lot of us, myself included. Also, your standards in another thread... Too high, I'd say. Sure, you can say they exist, and they do, but where? How many? And why should they pick you? Work on being valuable to others.
 
Slothra said:
Women don't magically appear, you need to get out & meet them. That's a huge problem for a lot of us, myself included. Also, your standards in another thread... Too high, I'd say. Sure, you can say they exist, and they do, but where? How many? And why should they pick you? Work on being valuable to others.
Click to expand...

I agree.

When I decided to try dating again it wasn't near as difficult as I'd made it out to be in my head. The biggest thing getting in my way was me, once I put my fears. Insecurities and anxiety aside for a few minutes I met a girl.
 
I agree with all of this. I didn't date anyone until I was 23. I'd just ignored the whole scene and engaged in my interests, but then felt it was time. I dated 3 women in the span of 6 months or so, it was hard to do at first, but I learned to look past my anxiety. I wound up marrying one of those women and I was happy for 7 years until she decided marriage wasn't for her and we divorced amicably.

I was pretty shook up and confused by it, and went back to ignoring the relationship scene once again, explored some new interests very intensely, went places and experienced things that I still remember quite vividly some 13 years later. It was sometimes hard to not feel drawn to being in a relationship, or at least dating, but I just couldn't cross the line.

After about six years, I started to feel like I wanted to share some experiences with someone. It wasn't easy, but I opened myself up to the possibility, took a few chances and went on a couple of dates. After a few months, I met my current partner, and we've been together for almost 13 years.

It has been hard being in a relationship, things come up that I never ever thought about, and nearly every week it seems the whole thing is hanging by a thread. But we manage to work through it. If it were to end, I vacillate between thinking that I'll never get into another relationship (most likely), and thinking that I'd jump right into dating after a brief period of centering myself (not so realistic).

I do wish you good luck and happiness.
 
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