What is more important - to say what you think or be heard?

[epath13]

What is more important - to say what you think or be heard? To express you opinion just to get it out of your system (like blogging, writing articles etc, in these cases no one might even read what you express) or actually talk to someone about it? Even though sometimes even when you think that people hear you, they actually don't....b​ut anyway, which one?

I asked this question on Facebook, then I thought it would be interesting to hear answers of people on this forum. Anyone wants to share?

 

[Geordie]

Personally, both are equally important, though sometimes I am more inclined to say what's needed even when no one seems to know.

 

[King_Oni]

I generally don't see the use in speaking but not being heard. Nor do I see the use in being heard and not getting your point across.

The question might be rephrased to "would you rather have one person listen good or rather have thousands listen barely decent?".

 

[epath13]

The question might be rephrased to "would you rather have one person listen good or rather have thousands listen barely decent?".

I guess it could have been rephrased, it does make sense

 

[Spinning Compass]

R. Buckminster Fuller said something very similar about being understood. He said he would prefer not being understood to being misunderstood. The reason is that if a person does not understand, he or she will ask questions. But if a person misunderstands, he or she will go ahead and act on that misunderstanding.

I think it depends very much on the situation. Ideally I would like people to hear what I have to say, but I also know that I will not always be heard in all contexts or that people will even want to hear. I am quite a bit freer in my blogs on Aspies Central than I am in real life. I figure, those that want to read my blogs will and those that won't, won't. So I am not forcing myself on anyone.

 

[Geordie]

It's hard to listen well unless we really find resonance in what the other party says. So I do my best to know what the other party likes.

 

[BruceCM]

R. Buckminster Fuller said something very similar about being understood. He said he would prefer not being understood to being misunderstood. The reason is that if a person does not understand, he or she will ask questions. But if a person misunderstands, he or she will go ahead and act on that misunderstanding.

I think it depends very much on the situation. Ideally I would like people to hear what I have to say, but I also know that I will not always be heard in all contexts or that people will even want to hear. I am quite a bit freer in my blogs on Aspies Central than I am in real life. I figure, those that want to read my blogs will and those that won't, won't. So I am not forcing myself on anyone.

Definitely, about the misunderstandings bit! A reasonably simple point I'd have thought most people could understand but they sure don't seem to, when I'm making it. I'd rather one person actually listened properly than millions half listened, for the original questions.

 

[kasmanaft08]

I don't think its necessarily important to be heard by the masses, just by important people in your life. I really don't bother with "convincing" most people over most things, which probably makes me terrible in debates/sales situations, but I'd rather put the energy into a few select people just to make sure they understand me, I suppose.

But to twist the question, a bit:
I would rather a few people understand me well than a lot of people understand me sort of well, or just assume they do. I'd rather be quiet and honest and have a few people accept me, than fake and have many people accept me as well.

 

[epath13]

I've just realized that I actually like stating my opinion publicly and I don't always need or expect a reaction or understanding. If someone agrees they might say something if not it's fine. It's like I can't keep my thoughts, ideas, etc for myself I just need to get them out. It feels almost like an obligation or obsession... Not sure. Thanksfully I don't have a perfect memory otherwise I would be one of those people who would never shut up about everything they know

 

[King_Oni]

The problem I see with expressing everything publicly is that people will misinterpret it and don't have the decency to ask it, if they understood it wrong and just go with "well, I think he means this, therefore he means this". While that might get people that agree with you, you might also have enemies, due to misunderstanding. That's my main beef I have with expressing something and just have people have their way with it. And in this current day and age people aren't just like "oh, well let's forget it"... people nowadays, due to misunderstanding are more physical to actually beat sense into you, even though they are the ones that are clearly misunderstanding what you claim.

And actually I had my share of (near) physical arguments with people who were really to ignorant to just think outside of the box instead of hiding behind the "no, it's wrong, you are not allowed to think that way" kinda deal... if you don't have the flexibility to read, listen and reflect to something, you know it and therefore you have to get physical with someone... don't bother me. Yet those are, to my information, a majority... which actually makes me thing, do I actually need to pick up on martial arts to beat my opinion into people (or at least make sure they don't beat my own opinion, which I express for whatever reason, out of me)

 

[kasmanaft08]

The problem I see with expressing everything publicly is that people will misinterpret it and don't have the decency to ask it, if they understood it wrong and just go with "well, I think he means this, therefore he means this". While that might get people that agree with you, you might also have enemies, due to misunderstanding. That's my main beef I have with expressing something and just have people have their way with it. And in this current day and age people aren't just like "oh, well let's forget it"...

This. Oh My God...Is what pisses me off with 98% of communication problems. It absolutely drives me insane, I hate it when people just assume or are too lazy to clarify something. I would never fault anyone for misunderstanding something and would be much more comfortable with people just asking questions, rather than just assuming or shrugging it off. Or worse yet, if we do explain it, just assume we are wrong (this drives me crazy, in particular when they are questions about me, or how I feel or felt about something).

Or that something as abstract as my perception, or even little things about me that generally don't have any effect on anyone else, are somehow just, incorrect or ridiculous. This may sound cocky, but I'm well aware and will fully admit the things about me that are silly, faulty or irrational, and that I'm well aware of the differences between my weaknesses and faults, and just my eccentricities. Although I will communicate and sincerely listen to what people have to say (if they're being mature about it and serious), it may sound ****ed up , I really don't see it as particuarly my problem or responsibility to change my entire personality and give up my personal happiness just to maybe suit someone else*.

Rrrr!

*also, generally why my last relationship failed

 

[ziggification]

What is more important - to say what you think or be heard?

I see how everyone else interpreted that as having a few people understand what you are saying, or have the masses sort of understand...I would tend to agree that having a few understand is better.

But originally, I read the original post a different way and am not sure that it is remotely related to what you meant to ask, epath...I see that Kasman did the same, so I feel okay about it....

The question seems to presuppose that the two things are mutually exclusive. If you say what you think you are not being heard. If you are being heard you must not be saying what you really think. So I came out with "Is it better to be forthright/honest and have people ignore you or to fake it so that people will "hear" you."

In which case, I would say it depends on the situation. Honesty in personal relationships is always paramount. But at work or out on the street, not everyone has to know everything you think exactly how you think it...sometimes just thinking it is enough. That way you don't have to pretend to be someone you aren't, nor are you being ostracized for being outspoken. If that makes sense.

And as far as just expressing yourself for YOUR sake without consideration for the behaviors or others...that sounds like the mentality of an artist or author. You can give it as much meaning as you want, but as soon as you release it into the ether, it will be taken over by the masses. If you aren't cool with that then you're just asking for trouble sharing all your precious thoughts.

Like...there is a reason that art museums don't post entire diatribes about each piece along with the name...As each person looks at it, it is THEIR art...their thoughts on canvas. Then you discuss your thoughts with someone else, and share ideas. Change your interpretation, or don't! No one else can tell you what something means to you...but in interpersonal relationships when you are talking to an individual about something that is personal to them, it is often best to share your interpretation in a gentle manner using the "active listening method".

Them: I ate a snail.
Me: I heard you say that you consumed a live snail. Is that right?
Them: No. It was a dead snail. Cooked and served in a sanitary manner at a French restuarant.
Me: Oh..I ...think that's gross.
Them: You're entitled. But it wasn't gross for me.
Me: Not gross for you?
Them: Nope.
Me: Ok...let's not talk about it anymore. I'm getting sick.
Them: How 'bout them Giants? etc. etc.