Went from being friends to a relationship...NT/AS would appreciate advice!

[GoldStars]

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[Harrison]

Welcome to AC,

As a starter you might want to consider the following

22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man With Asperger's Syndrome | AspiesCentral.com

and this may be useful

Alone Together: Making an Asperger Marriage Work | AspiesCentral.com

Check out other help in our Resource section.

Enjoy your stay

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Second to Harrison54, above. Strongly recommend the resources.

I'm not a guy. There were a couple of points that former NT SOs had made to me in the past, though. Use what's useful, throw out the rest.

I asked him to come over when he was finished but he didn't want to because he was too tired.

Happens a lot. It is absolutely exhausting being around other people. And when an aspie is absorbed in work, it's not unusual to work to exhaustion in solitude. This is not gender-limited.

I want to see him more and explained that I miss him and i totally understand the film is important but I want us to spend time together as well. I'm shifting my work schedule around so I can meet up with friends but he can't seem to do the same...

His tolerance for togetherness is likely lower than yours. You're shifting something you have to do (work) to be with someone you like. You're asking the person you like to give up something he loves, needs, and is personally validated by...to spend time with someone he likes and doesn't entirely understand although the emotions are intense. You may find it helpful to ponder that. Getting along with NTs is work, even if the aspie does love them.

It worries me because I start to doubt the relationship when we're apart

Yes, but that is you expecting him to be like you. He isn't. He's focused on his own specialties and obsessions. You may be one of them, and valuable--aspies do get lonely!--but we don't crave the partner in the way a neurotypical does.

Maybe I just need to accept his faults...lord knows I have my own as well!

There's a very, very important difference between a persistent failing to be the best you can be, and failing to meet an expectation that is unreasonable. Aspies often are perfectionists, but we aren't NTs and we aren't trying to be NTs. That is a lethal error, in my experience. What you call a "fault" may only be an expectation that isn't met consistently (or possibly, even frequently). There is guaranteed misery in trying to change people even when their brains match. Imagine how it ends when brains don't match but hearts want to beat as one.

EDIT: I can't emphasize this last point enough. You might also read through this thread...with the same caveat as below:

I am only human and all of the above is subject to error, since I'm commenting to a stranger, about a stranger. Take with a grain of salt...but do consider it.