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Unexpected change is the worst

selfhatetoselflove

selfhatetoselflove

Active Member
I was supposed to go to a riding lesson this morning, but the barn is 1-2 hours away by trains without a car. I have a big anxiety about this commute every time I visit there, but as I heard that it would rain later today, the anxiety got HUGE. I couldn't go to a riding lesson. I am very very upset and I feel my day is already gone although I woke up very early being excited to see horses today. I feel worst among these past few weeks. I couldn't help hitting my legs with my fist very hard with the upsetting feelings that I cannot do anything with.

Does anyone relate to me? Does anyone have advice? (I know I should get a car although I have a huge anxiety in driving as well, I have a license...)
 
Made me thing of the story of the little aspie girl that wanted a dog for Christmas. On Christmas morning she opened her present. It wasn't a puppy, instead the box contained books. She said thank you, thank you mommy and daddy. Why wasn't she sad or upset that she didn't get the puppy she wanted? They were books about puppies.
 
Frankly that sounds pretty basic for most Aspies. That disappointment hits us hard. Especially if it involves a lot of anticipation beforehand. I've always been like that.

And as in the case of so many of my traits and behaviors, at least now I know why.
 
I don't have advice about getting a car - but if you stay in and can't deal with the disappointment, I would try to switch to a different special interest - if it's still horses, some other form of activity related to horses - movies, collectibles, etc. Then the day is still enjoyable! But I agree with Judge that disappointment hits us hard.

About the commute - commutes give me anxiety, too, until I know that there is a definite, predictable pattern to it (i.e. I know exactly which roads to take, even which lanes to be in). Then if I don't have to veer off, it can become okay. If I were on a train, I would take books to read. In the car, I always have an audiobook that I am really interested in.

But yes, I relate to the unexpected throwing us off and having a lot of disappointment. I actually missed a flight this way once! And then a second time, I nearly voluntarily missed a flight because I was freaking out about a major trip - SO glad a friend talked me through that one and that I went anyway. Maybe you can have a friend to call if anxiety is going to rob you of your plans?
 
I'm so glad I don't have this fear of such "minute" things to most NTs that they might not even realize they could be factors. This would not bode well for city driving, and I do a lot of that.
 
Ambi said:
But yes, I relate to the unexpected throwing us off and having a lot of disappointment. I actually missed a flight this way once! And then a second time, I nearly voluntarily missed a flight because I was freaking out about a major trip - SO glad a friend talked me through that one and that I went anyway. Maybe you can have a friend to call if anxiety is going to rob you of your plans?
Click to expand...

That's one of my worst case scenarios. Reminds me of when I had a 60 minute layover in Chicago that turned out to be about 12 minutes. I barely made it from one plane to another in time, in an airport I was unfamiliar with at the time. I remember nearly passing out once I got on board my connecting flight to Philadelphia. High stakes as it was an unwelcome and unwanted business trip.
 
I was thinking since riding is a form of exercis (in addition to other good things) it may make you feel a little better if you do some sort of at home exercise.

I say this because sometimes it helps my anxiety.
 
This happens a lot to me. I had a good friend who canceled on our night outs sometimes half an hour before we were supposed to go. It would be something like her son has a runny nose or pms. She did this a little more than half of the time, so I would always be devastated after waiting around all dressed up ready to go. I got more distant with her and she didn't understand how hurtful it was. Anyway, overall, I don't do well with disappointment, especially sudden disappointment.
 
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