There's a lot I can relate to

[Lyrielle]

Hello, I recently stumbled upon a youtube channel about autism which sparked my interest in learning more, and as I've looked further there is a lot I can relate to although I don't think I would fit the official diagnosis requirements. I just feel a lot of understanding and good will towards others who have felt like they don't belong in society or who struggle with similar issues that I do and I want to learn more about others experiences and offer whatever encouragement and understanding I can. It is such a relief when you discover you're not the only person who does something seen as peculiar, or who experiences something in what seems to be a different way.

I'm sure I'm "Highly Sensitive", and I'm definitely an introvert, it's likely I'm ADD, although I haven't pursued diagnoses, I certainly relate to so much about that as well. I also found myself really relating to a video about 'pathological demand avoidance'. And I nearly cried when I heard someone else ask 'what in the world are you supposed to do with your hands' because all my life I've felt super self conscious about my hands in social situations. While I feel like I am very perceptive of people's emotions and non-verbal cues, I do find it very hard and exhausting to socialize with most people and have always felt like a 'changeling' or 'alien'. I know a big part of my trouble is simply being so very out of touch with popular culture, I'm so uninterested in being a part of it. I have long had a great interest in personality theories because it's always been so clear how diferent people can be and that there seem to be patterns of different characteristics that often go together. People are so fascinating, but also baffling sometimes.

Anyway, I guess I just want to say I'm here to share in that wonderful experience of 'wow I can actually relate!' with others in various ways, whether or not I'm actually autistic. I have an aunt and cousins who recently mentioned being on the spectrum and someone suggested my daughter might be. Who knows, maybe I am too, and maybe I'm not, but I want to learn more and be an encouragement wherever I can.

 

[Aspychata]

Great to make your acquaintance. I actually came here to understand someone l was seeing. And then realized that l recognized alot of things discussed here. Special interests, stimming, sensory issues, saying the wrong things, not always interested in pursuing relationships, wondering why everybody didn't think with pure logic most of the time, and so on. Do you have any special interests you wish to share?

 

[Xinyta]

Glad to have you with us, @Lyrielle

Pathalogical Demand Avoidance(PDA) is definitely something that a good percentage have. Though in truth. Everyone that's autistic, has some sort of Demand Avoidance. Even if it's not PDA.

But yes. Feeling strange, like an alien, like you are not from this earth, or other sayings we all say. This is a very common trait among us for our issues with executive funtioning, and general misunderstanding of cues of the socail world. Socail interaction is a huge issue. Not so much with speaking itself, as much as understanding and reacting to rhetorical questions, sarcasm, jokes, and turns of phrase. We take these too literally, instead of thier intention.

It's like having a glass wall between you and the world. You can see, but not truly interact the same way everyone else does.

Though selective mutisum and mutisum can occur with autistics too. Making the communication gap wider.

I am glad you are making this journey. It is freeing to know it's because of something neurological and not because you have a screw loose. And I hope you stick around and read up on posts and the resources of the site. You most certainly are not alone in this.

 

[tree]

 

[Lyrielle]

Great to make your acquaintance. I actually came here to understand someone l was seeing. And then realized that l recognized alot of things discussed here. Special interests, stimming, sensory issues, saying the wrong things, not always interested in pursuing relationships, wondering why everybody didn't think with pure logic most of the time, and so on. Do you have any special interests you wish to share?

I'm very interested in personality theories, especially Myers-Briggs and Cognitive Functions. The first time I read a description of the INFP type I laughed and cried at how much I could relate. It was so lovely to finally feel understood. I'm always up for taking personality quizzes and I enjoy comparing different ones, reading about them, contemplating my own observations, posting on a forum, etc.

I've always been interested in fantasy, like fairies and unicorns and castles, which lead to an interest in historical culture and life from the middle ages up through the 1800s. I feel like my internal world is so full of things like talking trees and dresses with hoop skirts that the real world feels jarring and foreign. I really enjoy reading fantasy novels and enjoy imagining my own worlds and stories. I love learning about what people wore and ate and played with and made in the past and visiting old buildings or ruins. As an extention of my interest in fantasy I've also been very into the elder scrolls online game for several years.

Classical music is another big interest of mine. It's so interesting to see how it has changed through different eras all the way up to modern movie scores. I really enjoy learning about historical instruments that have fallen out of use, or instruments that have been developed in other parts of the world. I love all the different layers to orchestral music that work together to make a complex soundscape.

Before watching some videos about autism I'd never really thought about how much I twirl the ends of my hair in social situations, or compulsively scratch at my finger tips, or pull at my lower lip whenever I'm contemplating.

It was also nice to hear others talk about sensory issues like I've always experienced. For me it's especially smells that trouble me, like I can't use public bathroom soap because I won't be able to ignore the smell for hours afterwards, like a little neon sign flashing in my brain 'soap!' 'soap!' 'soap!'. I also have a super sensitivity to slightly sour things like jaw seizing up and painful headaches. I can't stand bright lights or the subtle flicker of many LED lights, it's so hard to find incandescant bulbs these days. The one people really don't understand though is my sensitivity to air movement on my skin. While other people love open windows, fans, and the beach, I find even a slight movement of air on my arm hairs distracting and prefer to wear long sleves and stay indoors (despite loving nature).

 

[Aspychata]

You have a variety of great interests. I really love the Victorian times, and will watch anything representing that bleak time frame.

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome, @Lyrielle. I hope you enjoy it here. Let us know if you need any help figuring things out.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome. Sounds like you'll fit in just fine here.

 

[SusanLR]

Welcome @Lyrielle.

I found this forum after a late in life diagnosis.
The feeling was the same. Wow, I can really relate with what others are saying here.
If one phrase could sum up my feelings it would be:

It's like having a glass wall between you and the world. You can see, but not truly interact the same way everyone else does.