the new shy kid in town, on abandonment.

[acuteobtuse]

hello everyone.

i'm new here, so just trying to get a foot in the door and start talking to people again. (especially people that will actually understand me and appreciate me for a change.)

without disclosing so much for a newcomer and in the event of keeping things succinct and to the point - one year ago i was "dumped" by my entire (small) circle of friends with whom i had maintained a close connection for 10 years. about 6 people, including my best friend, decided to completely abandon me after the introduction (by me!) of a new girl into the group. this new girl was also my apartment roommate, close friend and co-worker. we did everything together. i helped her and one of my male friends in the group get together into a romantic relationship. about 2 months in, she claims i said something horrible to her that "destroyed our friendship forever" and managed to turn my entire 10 year group of friends against me in the process. to this day, i have no idea what i could have said to one of my closest friends that she would consider "friendship ending." regardless, i have been completely alone since that time with the exception of my mom, who i am very close with, my cat, who is my son, and my boyfriend, who lives 600 miles away.
the age group of the people in question is 28 to 36, for perspective's sake.

the point i am getting to here is that i have spent my entire life being rejected, as i am sure many if not most of you here have; but how many people here have maintained a closeness with one or several people only to have it destroyed later, and you blamed for it without having any idea what you could have done wrong?



-a/o

 

[nowwhat]

hello everyone.

i'm new here, so just trying to get a foot in the door and start talking to people again. (especially people that will actually understand me and appreciate me for a change.)

without disclosing so much for a newcomer and in the event of keeping things succinct and to the point - one year ago i was "dumped" by my entire (small) circle of friends with whom i had maintained a close connection for 10 years. about 6 people, including my best friend, decided to completely abandon me after the introduction (by me!) of a new girl into the group. this new girl was also my apartment roommate, close friend and co-worker. we did everything together. i helped her and one of my male friends in the group get together into a romantic relationship. about 2 months in, she claims i said something horrible to her that "destroyed our friendship forever" and managed to turn my entire 10 year group of friends against me in the process. to this day, i have no idea what i could have said to one of my closest friends that she would consider "friendship ending." regardless, i have been completely alone since that time with the exception of my mom, who i am very close with, my cat, who is my son, and my boyfriend, who lives 600 miles away.
the age group of the people in question is 28 to 36, for perspective's sake.

the point i am getting to here is that i have spent my entire life being rejected, as i am sure many if not most of you here have; but how many people here have maintained a closeness with one or several people only to have it destroyed later, and you blamed for it without having any idea what you could have done wrong?



-a/o

Oh, I'm pretty sure that's a very common experience here. I can certainly relate. Many misfits here. Read around. You'll relate. Welcome.

 

[Explosition_Rooster]

No, I haven't experienced any of that before. But I've also never had a close group of friends before and I was mostly alone until I've managed to get a computer.

 

[Ereth]

I've definitely been there, Acute. I won't get into the details, but I've been there.

Welcome. You won't be neglected here.

 

[Gulas]

I have no idea how to feel abandoned by friends. I know how is to be abandoned by member of my own family, the ones who are supposed to protect me cause a lot of pain.

Anyway, I'd say do not lose hope, maybe your situation is "fixable". I don't know what happened, but it might end well. If you don't mind to share the details, we would glad to help. If you do mind, it's ok. We're here for you!

Welcome! If anything bothers, please write it down here.

See ya!!! :laugh:

 

[Judge]

Welcome Acuteobtuse.

It's happened to me before as well. A lot of initial hurt, but in time I came to realize in the long run not being around such toxic personalities was likely in my best interest. It's likely you deserve better, more understanding friends.

 

[Ereth]

Acute does deserve better friends.

And anyone who isn't willing to explain what the hell happened to you, Acute, isn't worth your time, especially if your friends are willing to throw away ten years of friendship based on one incident.

I won't tell you what to do. It might be possible to try to salvage your friendships through slow and patient conversations. But if they're all shutting you out, it might be better to move on and find people who care enough about you to take the time to explain a possible miscommunication.

I'm glad you still have your mom, your cat, and your boyfriend.

 

[Explosition_Rooster]

I will totally be your friend, acute. In fact, I just sent you a request right now.

 

[Peace]

These people you describe do not meet the definition of "Friends".
I have had this same thing happen over and over again my whole life. I thought I was the only one. I now understand that people find me unique and are intrigued. After a while, they discover that I am different, and may require some understanding, and do not always agree with them. Then they leave. Some with excuses, some without.
I am lonely, but got used to not having friends. Like some people get used to not being able to see.
Friends are people who accept you, and that you can rely on. I am sure you will be accepted here, and I'm sure that many of us would consider ourselves lucky to be your friend.

 

[MoCoffee]

Acute does deserve better friends.

And anyone who isn't willing to explain what the hell happened to you, Acute, isn't worth your time, especially if your friends are willing to throw away ten years of friendship based on one incident.

I won't tell you what to do. It might be possible to try to salvage your friendships through slow and patient conversations. But if they're all shutting you out, it might be better to move on and find people who care enough about you to take the time to explain a possible miscommunication.

I'm glad you still have your mom, your cat, and your boyfriend.

And us!

 

[Tiini]

I have been rejected so many times that I've now decided to change. Therefore my new year resolution is to believe: I no longer need anyone to show me they appreciate me for me to feel valuable and worth. I don't need anyone to like me. I am my best friend and will always appreciate, love and care deeply for myself. I guess it's nice to have someone to go out and do (!) stuff with, like swimming and go to spa, but I really don't need more of that person. I believe that'll function better, and everyone is happy. Please get out there, do stuff that'll make you happy (don't ever stop by the thought that only your friend will make you happy because that is down the wrong path, I've learned) and then suddenly you will realize that you're actually is making a new friend

 

[Ravkrat]

In the words of one,not so awake texan, f'em if they're going to jump ship over some words..not much of a friend(s).
With that said i never really had any friends nor do i plan on having any. Why you ask? Dont really care to trust people with that title.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I've never been abandoned by others. But I have abandoned people in the past.
For a good reason. Those people would try to get me to do stuff that I didn't want to do. So I left them. :/

I wanted true friendships. Ones where I could be myself and not be judged.

That meant I was alone for a few years, but I eventually found the friends I've been searching for.

 

[faithmclaine]

Hello my name is faith I have never had any real friends do you are lucky in this respect I dont have a very close relationship with my mum not interested in boys I am a girl by the way not interested in girls obviously I would like to have a friend but what I dont understand is most of us is intelligent how come human social interaction is too complex

 

[Nitro]

True friends never throw their friends under the bus.
Welcome to AC

You will fit in here and gain friendships with others who do understand you.

 

[xNIGHTPAINx]

I've experienced this many many times. And it's why I struggle so hard making friends again. Middle school, high school and college where all horrible years. College was the most painful though bc it was those years my family decided to turn on me as well.

I think you'll find lots of people with similar stories here. Which is very comforting.

Welcome.

 

[paloftoon]

I will jump on the "bandwagon" on here. That is intense acuteobtuse. Be as honest as you want to be on here. If you can think of any specifics that you want to mention, any detail might be helpful to allow us to help you. You can't really have too much on a forum per se, because if it's too much text for a fellow poster, then we would just skim or not read it. Good luck with the rest of the journey we call life.