royinpink
Well-Known Member
This year has been rough for me. Like (I gather) many aspies under stress, I've had a lot harder time 'pretending to be normal' and more of the negative stuff--reduced ability to handle executive functioning, having meltdowns, going nonverbal, needing to stim or cover my ears in public. I've always been verbal and 'passed' as merely eccentric, so that's been a tough one for me to explain. Like 'No, I am not making excuses because I have a diagnosis--I really cannot handle this right now.' I'm not sure it's severe enough to call 'autistic regression' but it's still frustrating.
One thing I noticed is that the tension I've always kept in my shoulders has, over the past few years, gotten worse due to joint problems. When I get overloaded, this means I'm out for 2 days or so with a headache/shoulder-ache. Sometimes I watch TV or go online. Sometimes I do yoga or stretch. I don't talk much. Mostly, I sleep. Right now, that's happening just about every weekend.
My recent discovery, though, is that while I was attempting to relax and not tighten my shoulders, I reacted to a tense scene immediately by rocking. Normally I would automatically suppress that without even knowing (seriously, even my own mother didn't notice I rock, although any partner I've had could tell you I do ). I conclude from this that a lot of what is building up in my body is tension I'm not letting out by stimming or otherwise being myself.
It's frustrating to finally realize what's causing me so much pain while at the same time knowing I still can't change my presentation/behavior in the workplace to suit myself.
Anyone have similar experiences? Ways to release tension so it doesn't build up like that? Ways to reconnect with what feels natural to you after so many years of wearing an NT mask?
One thing I noticed is that the tension I've always kept in my shoulders has, over the past few years, gotten worse due to joint problems. When I get overloaded, this means I'm out for 2 days or so with a headache/shoulder-ache. Sometimes I watch TV or go online. Sometimes I do yoga or stretch. I don't talk much. Mostly, I sleep. Right now, that's happening just about every weekend.
My recent discovery, though, is that while I was attempting to relax and not tighten my shoulders, I reacted to a tense scene immediately by rocking. Normally I would automatically suppress that without even knowing (seriously, even my own mother didn't notice I rock, although any partner I've had could tell you I do ). I conclude from this that a lot of what is building up in my body is tension I'm not letting out by stimming or otherwise being myself.
It's frustrating to finally realize what's causing me so much pain while at the same time knowing I still can't change my presentation/behavior in the workplace to suit myself.
Anyone have similar experiences? Ways to release tension so it doesn't build up like that? Ways to reconnect with what feels natural to you after so many years of wearing an NT mask?