SELF-MEDICATION

[jacinto]

I learn a lot about myself from reading people's posts on this site, people that have articulated things I have simply quietly lived with my whole life without even attempting to express to anyone else.
And now I'm curious about something & was wondering if we could start a dialog about it:

Have any of you struggled, as I have, with substance abuse? I've used for many reasons, not the least of
which is as a social crutch, to "even things up" so to speak. And they have greatly affected my life in
mostly disastrous ways. I've been down every sordid road associated with addiction - jail, rehabs, NA
groups, abstinence, relapse, state hospitals, emergency rooms, associating with criminals...all this and more. Thankfully these things are now in the distant & remote past.

I used to browse the Physician's Desk Reference like it was a catalog of things that could fix me. When I'd
see doctors (and I've been to so many I can't even remember them all), I would attempt to manipulate
them into giving me what I thought I needed since their hit-and-miss opinions had lost all credibility in
my eyes long ago. When I see doctors now, even if I'm not asking for a prescription, it's difficult to keep
the discussion from degrading into an all-out argument as I listen to their condescending suggestions
to "drink more water," or some other nonsense. The fact is, they have no answers other than a
prescription for whatever new drug they're currently being paid to promote by Pharm companies. (This is also, incidentally, why I haven't bothered to get an official Asperger's diagnosis: I know all I'd have to do is walk in & say I suspect I have HFA, mention a few symptoms as listed in the MSDS V or whatever it's called and voila - I can add another diagnosis to the list. I don't need anyone to tell me what I already know.)

These days I don't use any street drugs, not even weed. And I don't drink. The narcotics I do take are
legally prescribed, and they DEFINITELY help me, but I also abuse them. I can finish a month's worth of
Xanax within a few days. I am an addict, so I cannot take them responsibly (just not over-using is not a
choice I can make - trust me I know by now), but I also can't see the logic in refusing to take them at all
because of their undeniable benefits & efficacy in treating my extreme anxiety, insomnia, depression,
and discomfort in being around people. Not to get high, not to "party" for goodness sake, but to feel &
act the way other people do, which I admit to being greatly covetous of sometimes.

Note that I'm not actually taking Xanax at this point in my life - it's just an example.

Has anyone else had to take drugs that simultaneously hurt and helped you at the same time? Have any
of you resorted to narcotics or alcohol as self-medication - legal or otherwise? Or is this like so many other things in my life - problems nobody else has ever had so there's no precedence from which I might draw quantifiable guidance from.

I'm sorry if this is too personal or it's a taboo topic. I'll delete this if I've made a mistake, or move it if I've posted in the wrong place. I suspect I'm oversharing here, but I think honest and open discussion about each of our struggles is one of the most helpful things about our little group.

 

[Major Tom]

Been there, done that, wish I could go back, but won't allow myself.

 

[jacinto]

I like your nick. "Major Tom" - that's very cool & original

 

[Major Tom]

I do have a drink here and there, but alcohol never hit me like other things did. I also moved myself away from all the drugs. I don't know if there would have been any other way than a dirt nap.

 

[Progster]

I use to drink alcohol to self-medicate. I was never a heavy drinker, but I had a serious medical issue and it was definitely something that I needed to cut right down on, so now I restrict it to one glass of wine with a meal (if I have it) and no more, to stay within 'safe' limits, if such a thing really exists with alcohol.

I took Xanax and antidepressants for a while, but don't use them now.

I haven't tried any other kind of drug, or even tobacco or weed, never wanted to, I keep well away from things like that. The potential side effects and harm far outweigh the potential benefits IMO.

 

[Bolletje]

I’ve had substance abuse issues in the past. These days all that remains is a problematic relationship with alcohol.
If you use the search function on these forums you’ll come across a few more topics dealing with self-medicating and substance abuse.

 

[jacinto]

I’ve had substance abuse issues in the past. These days all that remains is a problematic relationship with alcohol.
If you use the search function on these forums you’ll come across a few more topics dealing with self-medicating and substance abuse.

I'll do that. I've probably posted something that has already been done to death & now I wanna delete it. I said too damn much anyway

 

[Starfire]

I'll do that. I've probably posted something that has already been done to death & now I wanna delete it. I said too damn much anyway

It hasn’t been done to death but it has come up before. Don’t worry about having said too much. A lot of your story is like mine and I can identify with you. I’ve written about it at length on other threads as have others, you’re certainly not alone being on the spectrum and self medicating with drugs now or in the past.

 

[pamelaperejil]

Yes. I drink too much. In the past, and when stressed, far too much. Other drugs, no.

 

[Mary Anne]

I was a SERIOUS 24/7 substance abuser for 28 years. I quit all that finally, after repeated failures...18 years ago.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

I have struggled with substance abuse most of my life and still have the occasional relapse. I very rarely drink and have likely cut out any binge drinking forever as I don't ever get the urge. I never enjoyed drinking and only tried to use it as a social crutch........often failing miserably but going to excess.

Other drugs on the hand, like cocaine, MDMA and weed (among others) I really do enjoy and need to remind myself the reasons not to take them.

Actually marijuana is likely a thing of the past as I haven't smoked in years. It was also the most damaging of any that I have mentioned. Became a "I need this to function" habit. I'd smoke it in the car on the way to work in the morning. Made the morning more bearable. Then of course I would just need more as the day wore on. It's the biggest regret of my life and it has some pretty stiff competition so that is really saying something.

As for coke or MDMA, when given the opportunity I still will get into either. MDMA is truly wicked stuff that nobody should use more than a few times. You stop getting the magical feeling and instead just feel mashed and the hangover you may have thought never existed can go on for a week after prolonged usage.

As for coke, I never really had a bad experience with it. I'd never get enough to do any serious damage and never felt any sort of addiction once it's out of the system, but during a binge I can feel the psychosis of fiending and remind myself not to get anymore once the last of it's gone.

I should note, in an open discussion, that I don't really do these drugs with "friends" anymore if I have a binge. MDMA and to a lesser extent cocaine did start as social drugs, but like I said it loses that magic. Now, it's a personal retreat and likely extremely unhealthy in every sense of the word and not something I would recommend to anyone. That said, in moments I have had some of the best experiences of my life while using these drugs. I know you're not supposed to say that, but it's the truth.

 

[I love roses]

None of the medical drugs prescribed ever “fixed me” or helped. So I usually ditched them quickly. Xanax just made me feel “flat”. I don’t like all those fake feelings. Most prescribed psych drugs made me less able to cope, not better. I had seen other addicts and that is one thing I had a strong desire to never be. I was married to an alcoholic and my alcohol use was way up when with him. I realized he was a destructive force and he was violent. So since I know being around a barrage of alcohol can affect me, I married a teetotaler. I back away from socializing with those I know are alcoholic because I don’t want them twisting my arm. They think drinking makes them fun. But if you are sober watching them, they are just simply drunk and obnoxious. There are a few who are fun drinking, but they are a little buzzed not drunk.
If i’m with people who drink responsibly it is less of a problem. They know not to buy me drinks I don’t want, etc. I limit socials with alcohol to no more than twice a month max. Christmas can be a problem because my community goes nuts with booze and it is at my church celebrations a few times. Free all-you-can-drink events are everywhere. My community is odd because everyone drinks here openly, even the Baptists. For the self conscious we have local restaurants with booth curtains or doors for drinking privacy.

One reasons addicts can’t get clean is sober people won’t be around them so their only friends are the criminals and users. Many I know move to another location to start fresh if they really have serious problems and want a permanent change.

I medicate more with internet, and interest obsessions, which sometimes wastes too much valuable time.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

One reasons addicts can’t get clean is sober people won’t be around them so their only friends are the criminals and users.

Or students.

I've also known users who manage their lives in an amazingly partitioned manner, to the point where almost nobody would know they were users unless they told them.

In fact, I would bet that everybody knows someone like this but just don't know it. It's not something people announce in mixed company and some people drink without showing the symptoms of a hoboism and some people use other drugs without ending up in a crack house. In fact, they go to work and live among you.

 

[DCA]

I very rarely drink and have likely cut out any binge drinking forever as I don't ever get the urge. I never enjoyed drinking and only tried to use it as a social crutch........often failing miserably but going to excess.

I never had substance abuse issues, but I definitely did the above. Once I left college & especially once I realized that it doesn't help, I pretty much quit completely. Now I don't drink at all. If there are any young aspies reading this, booze does not turn you into a social butterfly.

I was on antidepressants for a short while, but I didn't like the way they made me feel or what they did to my body, so those are out too. Only meds I take now are to control my diabetes & cholesterol (a co-morbid with diabetes), & occasionally Ibuprofen.

 

[clg114]

When I was a young fellow, I drank to much. I did this because when I was drinking, I socialized just fine. Once I met my wife, that stopped. I guess you could say that she saved me. These days a six pack lasts me a couple of months.

 

[LearnedCoward]

I've been lucky that drinking or drugs never had any appeal for me, so I never developed a problem.

Actually marijuana is likely a thing of the past as I haven't smoked in years. It was also the most damaging of any that I have mentioned. Became a "I need this to function" habit.

Hmm. I didn't think that would be the case, but what I've heard from others on this forum, this may be fairly common.

Cannabis helps me with anxiety and depression, but I don't ever want it to be something that I need to have in order to function. I have never used it to extremes like others here have mentioned, but I will cut back if it ever gets to that point. Hopefully long before it gets to that point.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

but I will cut back if it ever gets to that point. Hopefully long before it gets to that point.

It really does, usually, creep on you. I used to think it was helping me too and that it was all under control. It's a highly addictive substance to some people and it stays in your fat cells for a very long time.

Quitting was absolute hell. Soaking the sheets with sweat each night and feeling cold all the time with all feelings of anxiety multiplied to a degree I don't even like to think about.

And yes, I was one of those who would have said it wasn't addictive (need any proof that it is just type marijuana withdrawal into google. These people are not lying)............until the day I realized that it is. It takes a lot of usage to get to that point. I hope you don't get there either.

 

[Tom]

Self medication for anything more serious then a mosquito bite is generally a bad idea.

 

[Streetwise]

I learn a lot about myself from reading people's posts on this site, people that have articulated things I have simply quietly lived with my whole life without even attempting to express to anyone else.
And now I'm curious about something & was wondering if we could start a dialog about it:

Have any of you struggled, as I have, with substance abuse? I've used for many reasons, not the least of
which is as a social crutch, to "even things up" so to speak. And they have greatly affected my life in
mostly disastrous ways. I've been down every sordid road associated with addiction - jail, rehabs, NA
groups, abstinence, relapse, state hospitals, emergency rooms, associating with criminals...all this and more. Thankfully these things are now in the distant & remote past.

I used to browse the Physician's Desk Reference like it was a catalog of things that could fix me. When I'd
see doctors (and I've been to so many I can't even remember them all), I would attempt to manipulate
them into giving me what I thought I needed since their hit-and-miss opinions had lost all credibility in
my eyes long ago. When I see doctors now, even if I'm not asking for a prescription, it's difficult to keep
the discussion from degrading into an all-out argument as I listen to their condescending suggestions
to "drink more water," or some other nonsense. The fact is, they have no answers other than a
prescription for whatever new drug they're currently being paid to promote by Pharm companies. (This is also, incidentally, why I haven't bothered to get an official Asperger's diagnosis: I know all I'd have to do is walk in & say I suspect I have HFA, mention a few symptoms as listed in the MSDS V or whatever it's called and voila - I can add another diagnosis to the list. I don't need anyone to tell me what I already know.)

These days I don't use any street drugs, not even weed. And I don't drink. The narcotics I do take are
legally prescribed, and they DEFINITELY help me, but I also abuse them. I can finish a month's worth of
Xanax within a few days. I am an addict, so I cannot take them responsibly (just not over-using is not a
choice I can make - trust me I know by now), but I also can't see the logic in refusing to take them at all
because of their undeniable benefits & efficacy in treating my extreme anxiety, insomnia, depression,
and discomfort in being around people. Not to get high, not to "party" for goodness sake, but to feel &
act the way other people do, which I admit to being greatly covetous of sometimes.

Note that I'm not actually taking Xanax at this point in my life - it's just an example.

Has anyone else had to take drugs that simultaneously hurt and helped you at the same time? Have any
of you resorted to narcotics or alcohol as self-medication - legal or otherwise? Or is this like so many other things in my life - problems nobody else has ever had so there's no precedence from which I might draw quantifiable guidance from.

I'm sorry if this is too personal or it's a taboo topic. I'll delete this if I've made a mistake, or move it if I've posted in the wrong place. I suspect I'm oversharing here, but I think honest and open discussion about each of our struggles is one of the most helpful things about our little group.

It may not be relevant but I use food mainly chocolate I don't know how much damage it's done it's definitely caused me very bad stomach upsets
It's definitely cyclical, I eat it get a bad !!!!!!!!!stomach upset, I panic !!!!!!!!,stay off it ,eat it again -Get a bad stomach.
Most British chocolate has a lot of milk in it ,dark chocolate has a lot of sugar in it.
And I basically might as well mainline it .
I think I'm slowly learning that it's a waste of time .

 

[Mia]

It's tough baring your soul and feeling as if you exposed too much of yourself. I do it all the time online, and regret it for a short time and then don't care.

And the self-soothing behaviors that we all have. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, eating or not eating, gambling, shopping, exercise, to hold our demons at bay. It's the human condition, I've never known of anyone who doesn't do one or many of those self-soothing things.

Wonder sometimes if there is anyone in the world, who has no difficulties, problems, habits, obsessions and the like? If they exist I'd like to meet them, although I suspect that they would be incredibly dull.