Recently Discovered.

[FreeStone]

Hello,
I'm a twenty year old transwoman whose life has been fundamentally changed forever.
I recently had a emotionally devastating life event involving a falling out with people who I thought were my closest friends collectively cutting me off after I discovered they were lying in order to avoid spending time with me.
They claimed I have been insensitive, hurtful, inappropriate, crossed many boundaries etc. and I did not have a single clue I was being out of line whatsoever.
I got to a point where I had to call a suicide hotline and nearly went to a crisis.
However I managed to ground myself enough to where I started talking extensively talking with a social worker I know, started studying resources, and started reading personal accounts of people who she thought I might share a condition with.
I have Asperger's Syndrome and there is no longer any doubt.
I have impaired cognitive empathy, never naturally developed social skills, unable to read body language, Have been overtly arguementive and impulsive to a strong degree, and has struggled to even read between the lines when it comes to verbal communication.
An epiphany moment was when reading personal accounts where aspies talked about the inappropriate things they have done in their lives and I was repeatedly confused as to why those actions were wrong.
I'm still profoundly wrecked with guilt, pain, and regret for what I've done to others.
My family is now working on getting me to a neuropsychologist for an assessment.
I'm still figuring out my next steps.

 

[nowwhat]

Don't beat yourself up over it. Others will This horrible feeling is something we all live with. And though other's have been hurt by your actions, remember that offense can never be given, only taken. It does count for something, in reality, if not to these other people, that you truly intended no harm. They chose not to be upfront, which makes them crappy friends. (shallow, programmed neurotypical ritual-monkeys) We might not be able to help, but I'm not the only one here who knows EXACTLY what you mean. We have lived, and continue to live this same conflict out.

 

[DanR]

I had to do some grieving over the gaffs I've had in the past, but you cannot "un-ring the bell" as they say. After a while, I came to realize it's just the way I am. My Dad has one leg shorter than the other because of a car wreck; it's just the way he is. I have personality quirks and inadvertently put people off because of Aspergers; it's just the way I am.
So my wife says my diagnosis is my permanent "Get out of Jail Free" card. Somebody over at ChristianForums called it an "Autistic License." I like that. Not that I take liberties with it, but I decided to not beat myself up any more. I do the best I can and that's all I can do. There's a quote I like: "One thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead..."

 

[toothless]

hi freestone,welcome to the forum! i am trans to [transmale] so i understand how difficult you have it with both going through a trans journey and having aspergers.
theres a few groups on facebook for people who are both trans and on the spectrum or neuro diverse,if you want i will get the names for you?
i use them often but i never look at the names and my memory for names is terrible.
i attend a physical support group for people who are trans [or LGB] and who have intellectual disability,its run by an independant org who used to be mencap manchester, you might find something like that in your area specifically for ASD if you look into your local gay area,thats what i did,and i find it incredibly helpful but im not HF so dont find people a social threat like many aspies do,i simply see people as objects or part of the background because of the way i process and understand things.

are you still on your trans journey or have you completed it?

 

[FreeStone]

hi freestone,welcome to the forum! i am trans to [transmale] so i understand how difficult you have it with both going through a trans journey and having aspergers.
theres a few groups on facebook for people who are both trans and on the spectrum or neuro diverse,if you want i will get the names for you?
i use them often but i never look at the names and my memory for names is terrible.
i attend a physical support group for people who are trans [or LGB] and who have intellectual disability,its run by an independant org who used to be mencap manchester, you might find something like that in your area specifically for ASD if you look into your local gay area,thats what i did,and i find it incredibly helpful but im not HF so dont find people a social threat like many aspies do,i simply see people as objects or part of the background because of the way i process and understand things.

are you still on your trans journey or have you completed it?

Being a transwoman never brought me any issue so i'm fine there.
I would love the links to those facebook groups.

 

[Mia]

Welcome to Aspie Central @freestone٩(˘◡˘)۶