Questioning if I understand the consequences of my actions

[Oz67]

As a person with Autism Spectrum Disorder, I am afraid that I could commit petty sexual crime without mens rea, because I don't understand some body languages very well, specifically body languages that are supposed to be simple to understand, and I don't understand mixed messages very well, even though it's obvious.

I get scared that I can't agree or disagree if I am being inappropriate, even when my friends say that I am a good friend to them.

I know that studies say that people with Autism Spectrum Disorder are more likely to be victims than being perpetrators, but the problem is crime is a very broad term, and you need social skills to follow specific laws. Lacking social skills can highten the risk for petty criminal behavior, specifically related to invading boundaries.

I sometimes become violent and very stressed when I am in a completely different environment, and at the moment, I don't feel safe, but to others, I am seen as a criminal. It's embarrassing!

 

[VictorR]

Communication goes both ways.

Just as one may misunderstand various forms of communication, be they spoken, gestures / body language or otherwise, someone may also inadvertently convey a message they didn't intend.

In other words, keep your hands and eyes to yourself unless specifically invited, and if you think that someone is hinting at something, ask them to clearly and directly explain what they mean. It may not be romantic, but it keeps things safe for everyone. I hope this helps.

 

[Oz67]

Communication goes both ways.

Just as one may misunderstand various forms of communication, be they spoken, gestures / body language or otherwise, someone may also inadvertently convey a message they didn't intend.

In other words, keep your hands and eyes to yourself unless specifically invited, and if you think that someone is hinting at something, ask them to clearly and directly explain what they mean. It may not be romantic, but it keeps things safe for everyone. I hope this helps.

I am sorry that I ask myself if I understand the consequences of my actions. My core symptom of ASD makes it hard, that is why I keep hands to myself, and sometimes ask others if what I am doing is okay.

 

[Luca]

I have had to tell a lot of men that "No means no."
Don't put your hands on anyone without their consent or permission.

 

[Oz67]

I have had to tell a lot of men that "No means no."
Don't put your hands on anyone without their consent or permission.

I agree. I was just afraid if there was mixed messages and body languages that I could misinterpreted as giving me consent. That is why I ask questions to make sure if what I am doing is appropriate or not.

 

[Luca]

I agree. I was just afraid if there was mixed messages and body languages that I could misinterpreted as giving me consent. That is why I ask questions to make sure if what I am doing is appropriate or not.

Yes, asking questions to make sure you're not overstepping boundaries is a very good idea
I always ask people before I hug them, for example.

 

[VictorR]

I am sorry that I ask myself if I understand the consequences of my actions. My core symptom of ASD makes it hard, that is why I keep hands to myself, and sometimes ask others if what I am doing is okay.

It's good that you have friends who you can ask for guidance on how to approach things or interpret situations. Many people on the spectrum, including myself, find such guidance to be very valuable.

 

[Slim Jim]

Don't put your hands on anyone without their consent or permission.

Right. I was just about to say that. Just don't touch anyone without their permission. Simple.

I feel there's slight double standard though. Women can be more 'touchy feely.' And get away with it.

I told a woman recently in mock outrage, "you're assaulting me.! you're assaulting me." After she kept touching my arm.


AN intentional overeaction. I don't/didn't mind being touched (If it's a woman that is... )but I was talking to somebody else at the time, and I found it annoying.



I'm probably not one to speak on this, as I think little of the consequences of my actions. This has got me into trouble in past (NON- sexual trouble.). I go with the flow. And sometimes take things too far, with people.

 

[Oz67]

Yes, asking questions to make sure you're not overstepping boundaries is a very good idea
I always ask people before I hug them, for example.

Thank you!

 

[Luca]

Right. I was just about to say that. Just don't touch anyone without their permission. Simple.

I feel there's slight double standard though. Women can be more 'touchy feely.' And get away with it.

I told a woman recently in mock outrage, "you're assaulting me.! you're assaulting me." After she kept touching my arm.


AN intentional overeaction. I don't/didn't mind being touched, appropriately , inappropriately, whatever, (If it's a woman that is... )but I was talking to somebody else at the time, and I found it annoying.



I'm probably not one to speak on this, as I think little of the consequences of my actions. This has got me into trouble in past (NON- sexual trouble.). I go with the flow. And sometimes take things too far, with people.

A woman touching a man inappropriately without his consent is still not okay.
I know that a lot of your posts are meant in a "tongue in cheek" way, so I wasn't offended or anything
I do have a good understanding of humor and sarcasm, for the most part.

 

[Slim Jim]

A woman touching a man inappropriately without his consent is still not okay.

I agree, it is not okay.

 

[Nitro]

@Slim Jim
A little FYI:
If I can't see what is posted in tiny fonts, I will generally ignore the posts.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

These thoughts are real. The consequences are real. I am of an age where I lived though the huge social and political transitions of the past 50+ years. Especially into the 2000's, social media, the rise of cable and internet news, op-ed shows, modern feminism movements, LGTBQ community gaining legal and social support, "Me too" movement,...as an autistic, "older" white male,...it has been difficult to keep up on all these "socially acceptable" behaviors that seem to be changing month-to-month. The generational gap is becoming larger between myself and my co-workers. It seems I am always in this state of mind where I grew up and have incorporated some behaviors,...which, at the time, were intended as friendly, socially acceptable, or even respectful,...now, may be seen as "personally invasive", clearly not acceptable, and even offensive.

I am constantly trying to think before I say or do anything,...especially in today's world. In some social situations, it causes me to be somewhat hesitant to interact. So many people find "being offended" as "trauma" and are willing to complain, even seek legal action.

 

[Oz67]

These thoughts are real. The consequences are real. I am of an age where I lived though the huge social and political transitions of the past 50+ years. Especially into the 2000's, social media, the rise of cable and internet news, op-ed shows, modern feminism movements, LGTBQ community gaining legal and social support, "Me too" movement,...as an autistic, "older" white male,...it has been difficult to keep up on all these "socially acceptable" behaviors that seem to be changing month-to-month. The generational gap is becoming larger between myself and my co-workers. It seems I am always in this state of mind where I grew up and have incorporated some behaviors,...which, at the time, were intended as friendly, socially acceptable, or even respectful,...now, may be seen as "personally invasive", clearly not acceptable, and even offensive.

I am constantly trying to think before I say or do anything,...especially in today's world. In some social situations, it causes me to be somewhat hesitant to interact. So many people find "being offended" as "trauma" and are willing to complain, even seek legal action.

There are situations where Autism Spectrum Disorder should be used as a legal defense, especially in this situation you described.

I know that studies say that people with ASD are more likely to be victims than being perpetrators. But rules constantly changes, and because our social skills is not that good, we might do something at least petty that people see as criminal, and sometimes violence is common when we are scared after routine changed.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

There are situations where Autism Spectrum Disorder should be used as a legal defense, especially in this situation you described.

...and have been used as part of a legal defense.

This is context where it is imperative that the autistic have their "little piece of paper" from the psychologist prior to all of these proceedings. Whether you are in trouble at work for certain behaviors and are looking at termination from your job,...or are looking at sitting in a jail cell,...having been professionally diagnosed and the records available may be in your favor. I understand the many reasons for not being professionally diagnosed,...but a "self-diagnosis" is literally inadmissible in these situations. Several countries have laws that include the diagnosis of autism as part of their "people with disabilities protection acts",...but like I said, in order to take advantage of them yourself, you've got to have records of a professional diagnosis.

 

[Oz67]

...and have been used as part of a legal defense.

This is context where it is imperative that the autistic have their "little piece of paper" from the psychologist prior to all of these proceedings. Whether you are in trouble at work for certain behaviors and are looking at termination from your job,...or are looking at sitting in a jail cell,...having been professionally diagnosed and the records available may be in your favor. I understand the many reasons for not being professionally diagnosed,...but a "self-diagnosis" is literally inadmissible in these situations. Several countries have laws that include the diagnosis of autism as part of their "people with disabilities protection acts",...but like I said, in order to take advantage of them yourself, you've got to have records of a professional diagnosis.

That makes sense.

There are people who have undiagnosed ASD and have to deal with those situations. That situation is very scary.

I have a medical and IEP records of my diagnosis and symptoms of ASD that I experienced, and some symptoms that I still experience.

 

[Aspychata]

Ouch. These conversations triggered me. Yes, please ask if touching is acceptable. I had a lady place her hands on my shoulders and l jumped out of my body. When l complained about it, l was the bad person. I will allow certain people to touch me but they know that's okay. It was said it was due to her culture. But at work, it's not appropriate. Yes, l did put up with it at the private club, but l usually cringed everytime it happened. You need consent, and ask a second time if the person seems not sure. You could say that certain things should only happen in your place with the consenting person. Anywhere outside of that may make you liable for some type of charge. (Your word against their word)

 

[Oz67]

Ouch. These conversations triggered me. Yes, please ask if touching is acceptable. I had a lady place her hands on my shoulders and l jumped out of my body. When l complained about it, l was the bad person. I will allow certain people to touch me but they know that's okay. It was said it was due to her culture. But at work, it's not appropriate. Yes, l did put up with it at the private club, but l usually cringed everytime it happened. You need consent, and ask a second time if the person seems not sure. You could say that certain things should only happen in your place with the consenting person. Anywhere outside of that may make you liable for some type of charge. (Your word against their word)

I definitely agree, and if I am not sure if what I am doing is appropriate or not, I try my best to change my behavior or I ask people if I am doing anything wrong.

Sometimes, it's hard, because my social skills is not that great, but I should be very careful with what I do, and ask for consent and make sure that we are on the same page before doing anything.

 

[Aspychata]

You are asking. That's important and shows responsibility for your actions. Another idea- if doing something might create a issue then don't do it. This keeps you on the right side of the law and out of jail.

So maybe you are in line, you see a bug on a lady's back, your first impulse is to brush it off. Nope, physical touch is not appropriate with strangers, you can tell her, l think l saw a bug crawling on your back. She might ask you to swipe it off. You should refuse if the bug is on her butt or some other private area on woman. Or tell her, you don't feel comfortable touching her.

There are people who save other people in serious situations and still get sued for some ridiculous reason.

Remember, just keep intimate things only in your place. But touching others is usually off limits.

Americans are generally careful about personal space and strangers touching them. In Europe, people are less strict, hugs, pats on the back, cheek kisses can be the norm.

 

[Oz67]

You are asking. That's important and shows responsibility for your actions. Another idea- if doing something might create a issue then don't do it. This keeps you on the right side of the law and out of jail.

So maybe you are in line, you see a bug on a lady's back, your first impulse is to brush it off. Nope, physical touch is not appropriate with strangers, you can tell her, l think l saw a bug crawling on your back. She might ask you to swipe it off. You should refuse if the bug is on her butt or some other private area on woman. Or tell her, you don't feel comfortable touching her.

There are people who save other people in serious situations and still get sued for some ridiculous reason.

Remember, just keep intimate things only in your place. But touching others is usually off limits.

Americans are generally careful about personal space and strangers touching them. In Europe, people are less strict, hugs, pats on the back, cheek kisses can be the norm.

Thank you! I agree.