Primary Way of Expressing Yourself?

[LucyPurrs]

You should make your intentions clear and without any subtext whatsoever. I think it's safe to say that many people on the spectrum prefer absolute unfiltered candor. Sit them down and give them your full undivided attention and ask the person something along the lines of: "How are you doing, really? I'm not asking just to ask. I'm asking because I care about you and I genuinely want to know. And if there's anything you need, I'm here for you." It's not guaranteed to work, but it's worth a try, and makes your odds of getting a sincere and candid response more likely.

Thanks Pondering! Only problem is none of my aspie friends are in person contacts but I can virtually sit them down and a say that so thanks, it's very helpful!

Choose a topic Lucy.

“How are you?” Is massive.
Personalise it, specify, choose a subject given what you know about the person you’re asking.

If you would like a specific answer, ask a specific question.

Nobody doubts you care, of course you do
To get focus, ask about something specific.
(There’s likely a lot of things going on in a mind all at once)

Narrow it down, - painful body parts, organ function, mood, progress on a project or self help and so on.

Does the above help at all?

Yes it does Gracey, you're wonderful, thanks!

 

[Gracey]

You’re welcome.
It was thoughtful of you to ask that question.

 

[Sozdatelniza]

Primary drawing and developing stories sometimes (doing it in my head).

 

[Chance]

So, don't be a talking statue, animate your world with pantomiming!

Pantomime + furrsuit = interesting... : )
(just teasing you.., I couldn't resist)

I found this and I really like the song anyway...

 

[Gritches]

Pantomime + furrsuit = interesting... : )
(just teasing you.., I couldn't resist)

I found this and I really like the song anyway...

-snip-

It is! Imagine how...average that dance would be if not done in fursuits. Consider that those things are hot as hell to wear, let alone be physically active while wearing. Hmm...now you got me thinking about fursuits

 

[Chance]

It is! Imagine how...average that dance would be if not done in fursuits. Consider that those things are hot as hell to wear, let alone be physically active while wearing. Hmm...now you got me thinking about fursuits

I think they are really cool but I could never war one most likely... I really have problems with hot clothes and the thought of all that material rubbing on me already has my skin crawling... but man to wear that, and no one know who I was, and cut loose... It would be fun. : )

 

[Chance]

Need help here (being an NT). If I genuinely want to know how someone is doing, feeling, things are going for them, how can I ask this in a way that doesn't throw aspies into a tizzy or solicit "I'm fine" when things are not, as a response. I don't usually do small talk either but I do ask good friends how they are and really want to know, otherwise I wouldn't ask. So many of the comments above kind of leave me perplexed as to how to proceed to show caring about what's going on with someone. I don't like to ask specific questions because that does feel intrusive to me- as Fridge says, it may be none of my business. But if your my friend, and I care about you and want to be there for you, then how do I ask in a comprehensible way that also allows you to give as little or as much information as you wish? Maybe I just have to not ask?

In my response... I was basically explaining a few of the thousand things that can go through my head from being asked a simple VERY NORMAL question...

It’s not your fault in any way... That right there is the very difference in how we think so differently just one one tiny cheerful gesture.

It’s not you... its me (us)... Please never feel ashamed or afraid to say HOW ARE YOU? It’s not rude... It’s sometimes just a lot of work for us (in a very in your face situation) to answer something that we really want to think through before answering...

I KNOW the answer... I smile and say fine : ) ... but in my head there is no telling what might really be going on...

Please don’t let how you speak be throttled by a population of basically less than 1% of the population. We have to adapt and we do, but given the chance some of us will share some starting truths about how we really think at times...

You care and that alone equals things I cant even put in words right now. JUST BE YOU, and we will be us mostly and we will always figure it out... : )

 

[Gritches]

Need help here (being an NT). If I genuinely want to know how someone is doing, feeling, things are going for them, how can I ask this in a way that doesn't throw aspies into a tizzy or solicit "I'm fine" when things are not, as a response. I don't usually do small talk either but I do ask good friends how they are and really want to know, otherwise I wouldn't ask. So many of the comments above kind of leave me perplexed as to how to proceed to show caring about what's going on with someone. I don't like to ask specific questions because that does feel intrusive to me- as Fridge says, it may be none of my business. But if your my friend, and I care about you and want to be there for you, then how do I ask in a comprehensible way that also allows you to give as little or as much information as you wish? Maybe I just have to not ask?

Chance put it best. If I'd add anything, something that might apply universally, it's to remember that we can't read minds like NTs can. If somethings implied, we might miss it. Personally, if I know someone might speak in a non-literal sense I might question whether anything and everything they say is passive-aggressive.

What causes a lot of social "confusion" between NTs and Aspies is that, in the normal course of interaction, NTs seem to use passive-aggressiveness to gently and somewhat politely "tell" someone (without actually telling them) that they need to modify their behavior. An Aspie misses that implication and the NT, thinking they were being crystal-clear in what they were actually saying, doesn't understand why the Aspie won't modify their behavior like they were just "told" to (not the NTs fault, not anybody's fault, because 99% of people speak the language of implications perfectly. It's our problem, like it or not). That's where the wires get crossed - not at "hello", but after "hello", does that make any sense?

 

[LucyPurrs]

Yes it does and I tend to be pretty concrete and also direct I think but if you or anyone else catches me being passive -aggressive or otherwise implying something in an obscure way, please call me on it because I won't do it intentionally. Thank you everyone for your help in this.

 

[pax]

Interpretive dance - but only after a couple of drinks.

Seriously, I don't like talking, but it becomes necessary. I prefer to write, text, draw, paint, ( or add a an illustrative video or photo )

 

[onlything]

Overall, isn't 'how are you' just a synonym of 'hello'? The expected answer is always generic - you say 'i'm fine, how're you?' and you both go your own way. It seems to me as more of a 'yeah, I heard you, hello' than 'how are you feeling today'. Maybe I'm repeating myself and others concerning this but it is confusing enough that even a knowledge of proper answer in this instance doesn't make it less muddled and tiring.

As many of us, I'm more of an 'action' person than 'talking' and it tends to be more hurtful than helpful for anyone. If there was only a way of dealing with these misunderstandings. Every time I end up talking without these muddled innuendos to people that I should be close to, it's like walking into a lamp post. Sudden understanding, confusion and even more misunderstandings afterwards. Sometimes I even wonder if it is possible to communicate for us at all. Good that you're here @LucyPurrs or I would not bother trying with NTs around me anymore.

 

[Progster]

Overall, isn't 'how are you' just a synonym of 'hello'? The expected answer is always generic - you say 'i'm fine, how're you?' and you both go your own way. It seems to me as more of a 'yeah, I heard you, hello' than 'how are you feeling today'.

I've heard people using it instead of 'hello' without really expecting an answer. I don't really see the point of this - if you want to greet someone, then why not just say 'hello'?

Next time someone says 'how are you?' to me instead of 'hello', I might just shock them by actually answering the question.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Analogies. For some reason, the more in-depth I want to explain something, the more I resort to analogies.

A recent one I've used:
For NTs, emotions are an automatic. For me, it's a manual.

 

[Sabrina]

Writing, reading, swimming, ice skating, walking, hiking, biking.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Chance put it best

No he didnt. It was me.

Only I didn't say it out loud or write or down.

Also.i didn't read the question.

Next time someone says 'how are you?' to me instead of 'hello', I might just shock them by actually answering the question

God no. We haven't got all day.

 

[Misery]

Cosplay, in my case.

Though... I dont take it as far as I'd really like to.

Out of, uh, fear... let's go with fear. It's rather frustrating.

 

[ksheehan88]

There are many forms of art, and they each have various ways of conveying what words cannot. So what is your primary way of expressing yourself? And by expressing yourself, I don't mean communicating. I mean the way you feel emotionally, creatively, and/or artistically free.

1. Speaking
2. Dancing
3. Singing
4. Writing
5. Playing an instrument
6. Drawing and/or sketching
7. Painting
8. Kulning
9. Acting/Theatre or musical theatre
10. Pantomiming
11. Sign language
12. Other???

Writing, drawing and painting.

 

[ksheehan88]

No he didnt. It was me.

Only I didn't say it out loud or write or down.

Also.i didn't read the question.



God no. We haven't got all day.

Sligtly offtopic... Just seeing one of your little quips has etched a smile on my face, I haven't smiled in days. Thank you Fridge.

 

[Lichi]

I've heard people using it instead of 'hello' without really expecting an answer. I don't really see the point of this - if you want to greet someone, then why not just say 'hello'?

Next time someone says 'how are you?' to me instead of 'hello', I might just shock them by actually answering the question.

I noticed this too. I don’t understand how you can ask a question and not expect a response. I do understand but I don’t. I do awkwardly sometimes ignore the question and people call me rude.

 

[Appleslime]

There are many forms of art, and they each have various ways of conveying what words cannot. So what is your primary way of expressing yourself? And by expressing yourself, I don't mean communicating. I mean the way you feel emotionally, creatively, and/or artistically free.

1. Speaking
2. Dancing
3. Singing
4. Writing
5. Playing an instrument
6. Drawing and/or sketching
7. Painting
8. Kulning
9. Acting/Theatre or musical theatre
10. Pantomiming
11. Sign language
12. Other???

There are many forms of art, and they each have various ways of conveying what words cannot. So what is your primary way of expressing yourself? And by expressing yourself, I don't mean communicating. I mean the way you feel emotionally, creatively, and/or artistically free.

1. Speaking
2. Dancing
3. Singing
4. Writing
5. Playing an instrument
6. Drawing and/or sketching
7. Painting
8. Kulning
9. Acting/Theatre or musical theatre
10. Pantomiming
11. Sign language
12. Other???

I like to Wright, not anything particularly long but a few sentences of creative writing can help me express negative emotions into something creative