parents

[newgirl]

Did any of you guys have a sibling in which your parents favoured? If so, how did you handle it?

 

[Adder1234]

I have a sister who has an eating disorder and a variety of learning disorders. She and I are as different as two people can get and I always used to get angry when she got away with stealing food and throwing tantrums. It was only later that I realised that she had a completely set of problems to me, and instead of just getting angry at her for not being able to control herself, I should encourage her to be a better person.

 

[Bolletje]

Hard to say. As it is often with sibling rivalry, my sister always felt like I was the favorite child while I felt she was. With age we've both come to realize that our parents treated us differently and have different relationships with both of us, because we're vastly different personalities that required a different type of parenting at the time. But even 20 years later I can still recall my outrage at the perceived favoritism.

Which is not to say it isn't real in your case

 

[xudo]

My younger sister is the favourite. She could get away with anything, whereas I was always held to a much stricter standard. I just ignore it, and occasionally b***h to my husband.

 

[Bolletje]

My younger sister is the favourite. She could get away with anything, whereas I was always held to a much stricter standard. I just ignore it, and occasionally b***h to my husband.

*hiss* younger sisters....

 

[xudo]

*hiss* younger sisters....

We HATED each other when we were growing up. We get along really well now, and I think when I moved out we definitely got on a lot better. She's still the favourite though.

 

[toothless]

yes!!
my aspie sister is 4 years older than me and my parents,more so my dad showed preference for her from when i was able to move independantly-she never once got hit for all her childish behavior while i was getting beaten with belts,fists,hard back bibles and slippers for my ID and autism behaviors and difficulties, they talked about putting me in a childrens home when i was around 10 but they were discouraged from doing so and spent the rest of the years up until i was 20; regretting me.
my dad once said outloud; why cant you be more like your sister? my mum often said out loud to herself 'i wish she had never been born'.
an academic aspie,ill never be like that.perhaps it should be the other way,why cant my family see my qualities-why cant my sister be more like me? caring, sympathetic,friendly and 'down to earth',id rather be that than the way she is.

 

[LittleLemon]

I was the favorite because I was quiet, never rebelled, read all day, and did well in school. I didn't like being the favorite. My siblings were much older, so they never bullied me, but I could tell they resented it. Also, it didn't help when my mom was dying from cancer, she wrote my brother out of her will (my sister isn't hers biologically, so she didn't have to worry about that) and left everything to me with strict instructions to not give a single cent to either of them. Yeah, that was a horrible situation to be in. Against her orders, I divided the money up evenly and never got a proper thank you. My family was dysfunctional.

 

[Suzanne]

Yes, my sister of two year's my junior was put on a pedistal and it was very difficult for me, because in fact, despite her being my junior, she looked older and has a very confident personality and has no issue with making and keeping friends. She is a very talented drawing artist and excellent at gymnastics. Her awards were put on the wall.

Oh I received award's too, for good behaviour at school and the best reader and other things, but my awards, I found on the floor trodden on and only when I mentioned it, was a small attempt to hang them up and very sloppy!

Some people who came to visit us, would comment on my awards, but parents always pushed their attention on their wonderful other daughter, who could do no wrong.

Ironically, I was the one who kept quiet and preferred reading over tv watching and never smoked etc, but my sister who did all the things that should make parents cry; seemed to get them very proud of her.

Other things too, happened, that caused me to have a contineous jealousy towards my sister, but no more!

 

[WittyAspie]

Growing up I always felt like my mom favored my brother. It was never a big deal to me because she didn't treatme poorly; I just felt like she treated him better.

Now that I am a parent I can better understand my mom's relationship with us. My oldest daughter is extremely difficult. She is punished far more than her siblings, because her behavior is unacceptable. She often complains that we don't love her as much, which isn't true. She gets punished more because she misbehaves more.

I also get along really well with my younger daughter. (I have 2 girls and 2 boys.) Due to outside circumstances I spent more time with her as a baby than I did with her siblings and our personalities match. I try my best to treat my children fairly, but I naturally get along better with my younger daughter.

Being a parent is very challenging. Each child is different and therefore requires a unique approach. This can make some children feel like life isn't fair, but it is unavoidable. Life really is not fair. I just do the best I can to raise each child in a way that works for that child.

 

[paloftoon]

I was the favorite in my family because I was naturally more inclined to be super obedient like a puppet or a robot. I had to deal with so much stress in my life that I had a hard time thinking for myself. I had my outlets which I used, but things were quite mundane besides those outlets. As I grew up more independently on my own as much as possible, I have slowly gained so much self-awareness that I feel like a completely different person now than I was even 5 years ago.


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Addendum details to being a "favorite":

5 years ago, I was probably still a favorite, even though I never tried to be. Even being a "favorite", I was still yelled at even if I was trying my best and never meant any harm, and even if it was for something that wasn't a big deal.
I "took it" cause I was used to it and because I knew that person cared about me despite all that. After digging deep recently, I know why she is like that. Instead of simply taking the yelling, I try to redirect once and not start a useless argument. I know that I need to take these opportunities to learn as much as I can now because no one else is likely to give me these kind of opportunities. So, I will still need to deal with the unnecessary yelling and anger, just that I need to deal with it differently.

I had become so brain washed to accept this behavior as part of my life because that person's actions still showed she cared about me, but just couldn't control her attitude. Until more recently, I didn't really have a set of close friends I could talk to or hang out with at all. So, I had to create my own identity by building up my independence. I did this by focusing on my job and going to interest groups through meetup.com where I did not have to socialize before joining the group because I would already be part of the group by just having some kind of interest in the interest of the group itself, lol.

I don't regret my decisions in life, but I wish I was smarter and didn't accidentally scare some people off due to my insecurities and bad experiences from many events in my past life and work experiences as well as having randomly weird, inappropriate thoughts and misunderstandings. I wish I had stood up for myself more during my high school and college years than I did sometimes. All I can do now it look at the present and the future.

 

[Mia]

Did any of you guys have a sibling in which your parents favoured? If so, how did you handle it?

Good question, I did, my older sister was the 'golden child.' Don't know if I handled it all that well, but I knew from early on in my life that she was a bully.

When I was your age I became pretty competitive with her, in my own way. It helped that I was more attractive than she was, more intelligent, and better able to compromise as a later child, had some of the skills that she didn't have.

Things that she was terrible at, I was good at. I won lots of drawing awards, and writing prizes at school, was in school musicals as I could sing and dance. Focusing on things I liked to do including sports. My way of coping, was to become involved in activities away from the family.

 

[LittleLemon]

I was the favorite in my family because I was naturally more inclined to be super obedient like a puppet or a robot. I had to deal with so much stress in my life that I had a hard time thinking for myself. I had my outlets which I used, but things were quite mundane besides those outlets. As I grew up more independently on my own as much as possible, I have slowly gained so much self-awareness that I feel like a completely different person now than I was even 5 years ago.


===============
Addendum details to being a "favorite":

5 years ago, I was probably still a favorite, even though I never tried to be. Even being a "favorite", I was still yelled at even if I was trying my best and never meant any harm, and even if it was for something that wasn't a big deal.
I "took it" cause I was used to it and because I knew that person cared about me despite all that. After digging deep recently, I know why she is like that. Instead of simply taking the yelling, I try to redirect once and not start a useless argument. I know that I need to take these opportunities to learn as much as I can now because no one else is likely to give me these kind of opportunities. So, I will still need to deal with the unnecessary yelling and anger, just that I need to deal with it differently.

I had become so brain washed to accept this behavior as part of my life because that person's actions still showed she cared about me, but just couldn't control her attitude. Until more recently, I didn't really have a set of close friends I could talk to or hang out with at all. So, I had to create my own identity by building up my independence. I did this by focusing on my job and going to interest groups through meetup.com where I did not have to socialize before joining the group because I would already be part of the group by just having some kind of interest in the interest of the group itself, lol.

I don't regret my decisions in life, but I wish I was smarter and didn't accidentally scare some people off due to my insecurities and bad experiences from many events in my past life and work experiences as well as having randomly weird, inappropriate thoughts and misunderstandings. I wish I had stood up for myself more during my high school and college years than I did sometimes. All I can do now it look at the present and the future.

It's posts like these that make me so happy to have found this community. Your post really resonates with me because I can relate to a lot of this. I especially like your last paragraph. Thanks!

 

[Judge]

Quite the opposite, actually. My sibling while being NT, regularly revolted against our father, a professional military man.

While not particularly helpful to autism I was unaware of at the time, it did encourage me not to challenge my father so easily, and avoid the ass-kicking my brother frequently got.

A bit sad, as when we both reflect about Dad, we have two rather different perspectives.

 

[Mia]

regularly revolted against our father,

That was me, I challenged him every day. Although he was never in any way abusive, he found my 'disrespect' difficult to deal with.

He mentioned in later years, that I was very much like him. My siblings experiences were entirely the opposite.