Obscene resentment based echolalia.

[Metalhead]

I want it to end. I want to be able to sit for a few minutes by myself and not be reminded that it is still there. It is my personal Hell. It is my personal obsessive insanity. It is getting me nowhere. And I do not know how to make it stop.

 

[Aspychata]

https://www.osmosis.org/answers/echolalia

I needed to look it up. This has to be difficult.

 

[tree]

@Metalhead

What does your therapist have to say?
You have mentioned this to your therapist, right?

 

[Metalhead]

@Metalhead

What does your therapist have to say?
You have mentioned this to your therapist, right?

My therapist is suggesting a round of cognitive behavioral therapy. I am going to go with that for now.

 

[Metalhead]

I wish I could drown myself in a nonstop sea of movies and video games so I can forever distract myself, but as others here have said, that is not really living.

 

[Metalhead]

My aunt put me through some sexually based humiliations as a child that even today I am unwilling to talk about outside of therapy.

And her words still echo in my brain today.

And she did all of this just so she could laugh at me.

I wish I could shut her voice up in my mind and forget about that worthless woman. I just now hesitated typing in an obscene insult to refer to her as due to the forum rules.

 

[Metalhead]

While my parents are telling me that my aunt is seriously unhappy and that I should not be angry at her, my therapist is telling me that my aunt is a felon and that if the statute of limitations were not a thing, she would be in a women’s prison right now.

 

[Metalhead]

OK, I will not repeat what my aunt did here because that would require some serious trigger warnings.

My aunt is a monster.

My aunt deserves to be treated like a Level III sex offender.

My aunt deserves to be placed in the state’s civil commitment center for unrepentant Level III sexual offenders.

My mother seriously believes this monster deserves nothing but empathy.

Sexual abuse is so normalized in my bloodline that this is the normal response to that.

Bloody hell.

 

[Metalhead]

death seems preferable than living with these memories.

 

[Metalhead]

Komm Susser Tod.

 

[Metalhead]

Hell, my sister had an abortion at 14 and my aunt told me about it at the time because then I was a conservative Christian. My aunt told me my sister was raped and had an abortion against my family’s wishes just because she wanted to point and laugh at my reaction to it. And I was 15 and totally into the anti-gay anti-woman Christian thing at the time because they were the only people I knew who were not bullying me.

I regret buying into what they were selling at the time.

 

[Shevek]

Maybe try imagining me and a chorus of others chanting "You're a Hero for breaking the cycle!"
My ex had been abused by her family, and she was trying hard to recover, but she was completely oblivious about sending her daughter to visit an abuser, and kept taking her frustrations out on innocent people.

 

[tree]

Komm Susser Tod.

Spoiler

 

[tree]

While my parents are telling me that my aunt is seriously unhappy and that I should not be angry at her, my therapist is telling me that my aunt is a felon and that if the statute of limitations were not a thing, she would be in a women’s prison right now.

What have your parents done as far as getting your *poor suffering unhappy aunt*
the help she needs? Surely since they agree that her situation is so sad, they must
be doing all they can to ensure she receives professional attention of some sort?

 

[Rodafina]

Maybe try imagining me and a chorus of others chanting "You're a Hero for breaking the cycle!"

I think this is a great idea.

Metalhead, my situation is different, but when I've had terrible trouble with repeating intrusive thoughts, it was helpful to sometimes "respond" to them. When my brain would just keep hearing the same phrases, I would talk back to it. Maybe for awhile, you could trying hearing Shevek's and many other voices here supporting and defending you when the echolalia strikes. It could feel silly, but silly can be good sometimes. Maybe our voices could be louder than the torment from your past.

 

[Misty Avich]

I wish I could drown myself in a nonstop sea of movies and video games so I can forever distract myself, but as others here have said, that is not really living.

It's living if you want to do it and enjoy it. That's what life is about, doing what you want and enjoying it (within reason of course).