Noticing asd traits in others

[undertheradar]

So I have a question... I have noticed a friend of mine has an 18-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old son that exhibit a lot of autistic traits

It's especially noticeable with the son... Things like hand flapping and other things that really just remind me of my kids when they were younger not to mention myself

The 18-year-old daughter it was a little less obvious... But there's big issues with eye contact and just a general awkwardness... In fact when I came over to help with a project that he was doing, I noticed that his daughter did a lot of the same things that I did, one of the big ones that jumped out at me was that she covers all sorts of light in her bedroom... Even including things like alarm clocks and other things like that... Something that I'm very familiar with

Part of me thinks about just casually mentioning what I've been studying up on autism... And just mentioning some of the traits I've been reading about, without actually mentioning to my friend that I see a lot of these traits in these two kids

The other part of me thinks, it's really none of my business

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

There is a lot of asd's in the general population undiagnosed, JUST realized my wifes cousin husband is on the spectrum. known him for years explains a lot.

 

[Misty Avich]

I can seem to see ASD, or some other disorder, in men more than women. If an ASD is obvious in a man (such as monotone voice, lack of eye contact, or visibly stimming) then I can tell straight away. If it's less obvious then I can still notice some quirks but it could be anything besides ASD.

If an ASD is obvious in a woman, I still can't tell if she has ASD or just some other disorder. If an ASD is less obvious in a woman then it can be difficult to tell at all if she has any disorder.

Yes, you might be asking "but how can you say a person has non-obvious autism if you don't know?" but I can't think of the right words to explain. Psychology can be so complex. But hopefully you'll know what I mean. (Please know what I mean).

 

[marc_101]

That's a tough one. Perhaps wait until the family mentions concerns about their social interactions or their well-being? It also depends on your relationship with the family. Or perhaps you could use your judgement: do you think they could benefit from help? If the answer is yes, then you can be honest with them and emphasize that it's just a hunch based on your experience and let them make a decision.

 

[Nitro]

Let me put it to you another way.

Sometimes people may be on the spectrum and don't want the stigma that often comes attached to it.

I'm on the spectrum and don't wear a blue star telling everyone I am because that is personal and only offered on a need to know basis.

 

[vergil96]

Part of me thinks about just casually mentioning what I've been studying up on autism... And just mentioning some of the traits I've been reading about, without actually mentioning to my friend that I see a lot of these traits in these two kids

The other part of me thinks, it's really none of my business

In my opinion it depends on how close your relationship is and how blunt you are with each other. They also might already know or suspect but aren't talking about it, because they don't see the need to

Also autism is quite common, 1 in 50 people have it, so it's quite likely to meet someone who is on the spectrum

 

[Fino]

Covering all lights is a common recommendation for helping with insomnia. As for other signs, I think it depends on what sort of people they are. You know them best. If you think casually mentioning it would not bring offense, then I would do so. But if they seem like the type to reject any sort of label or any sort of thinking like that, then I wouldn't intrude.

 

[Tom]

Telling others or in this case telling them about their loved ones is a bit of a minefield. People often have a very negative initial reaction, and there is no real way to predict what it will be.

I think indirect is better then direct in general. But it shouldn't be too obvious nor forced. I would be more likely to wait till the opportunity naturally arises and then include pertinent examples (in relation to yourself).

There are exceptions, such as when believing it may be true with a spouse/partner, but even that is predicated on there being a close and trusting communication between you. If communication or the relationship is strained then again great care is needed.

Basically it seems to go best if you do not shine a light on it but instead work towards the light going on in their own head.

 

[Aspychata]

I do now notice others on the spectrum now.

 

[Fino]

And if it's not causing distress or disability in their life, there may not be any benefit to being aware of it.

 

[Rodafina]

The other part of me thinks, it's really none of my business

This is where my mind always goes. It's none of my business. Especially with other people's children.

If anyone ever comes to you and asks you about autism, though, time to unload!

Spoiler

Something I try to keep in mind is that if I really want to help someone (like a child in the family who appears to be struggling), I can always focus on specific symptoms (e.g. "I notice you seem really bothered by loud sounds...") as opposed to bringing up autism directly.

 

[Aneka]

So I have a question... I have noticed a friend of mine has an 18-year-old daughter and an 8-year-old son that exhibit a lot of autistic traits

It's especially noticeable with the son... Things like hand flapping and other things that really just remind me of my kids when they were younger not to mention myself

The 18-year-old daughter it was a little less obvious... But there's big issues with eye contact and just a general awkwardness... In fact when I came over to help with a project that he was doing, I noticed that his daughter did a lot of the same things that I did, one of the big ones that jumped out at me was that she covers all sorts of light in her bedroom... Even including things like alarm clocks and other things like that... Something that I'm very familiar with

Part of me thinks about just casually mentioning what I've been studying up on autism... And just mentioning some of the traits I've been reading about, without actually mentioning to my friend that I see a lot of these traits in these two kids

The other part of me thinks, it's really none of my business

I feel like I have a special software in my brain just for recognizing autism
It's different in boys and girls.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My wife's cousin husband anxiety about retiring tipped me off he loves reading got really excited when found out I had a private library, he has been a frequent guest. Never noticed.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I think you really have to know the person you're dealing with. These situations are highly individualized. For some time, I knew I had some autistic traits, but always had other explanations, dismissed it, but I didn't know about so-called "high-functioning" autism/Asperger's/ASD-1. I had always envisioned and associated autism with dysfunctional children. I wasn't educated on this topic.

So, it was actually a co-worker, a parent of a teenage son who was autistic, that noticed some similarities in myself with her son. Conversation ensued. I was introduced to the on-line autism tests, and that was how the journey started.

If it were not for her, I might still be struggling as an uninformed, undiagnosed adult.

 

[GypsyMoth]

A friend recognized traits I have. Our conversation went more like this:

Me: it's come to my attention that I might have certain behaviors that...
Friend: I know.

 

[GypsyMoth]

I had some fun last year having an aunt while reading the questions to those online tests. She is agreed that neither I nor anyone else in the family has autism, only, her kids sure tick off all the boxes. I don't talk about it anymore with her.

 

[MNAus]

There's another consideration other than whether it's appropriate: you might be dead wrong. Tread carefully.

 

[Ghostinthemachine]

I find sometimes it's best to let others come to you as offering advice maybe wrong or may cause unintentional offence.plus everyone has a right to a private life and family life and its not up to anyone to interfere unless a child is at risk of harm then safeguarding is there

 

[undertheradar]

A friend recognized traits I have. Our conversation went more like this:

Me: it's come to my attention that I might have certain behaviors that...
Friend: I know.

That's how mine went when I discovered my condition

 

[Hypnalis]

Part of me thinks about just casually mentioning what I've been studying up on autism... And just mentioning some of the traits I've been reading about, without actually mentioning to my friend that I see a lot of these traits in these two kids

The other part of me thinks, it's really none of my business

There's more than just the risk of giving offense, which is quite high, with multiple possible sources.

You might well be wrong, which opens up all the issues of a "false positive".

People "with" something like ASD (actually anything that sets them apart) learn about it. They (a) become much more likely to see signs of it than others do, and (b) are inclined to be "over sensitive, generating "false positives" (like assuming an NT introvert is "ASD but good at masking").

One (of quite many) possible sources of problems: "This must be due to my husband/wife having ASD genetics, because this has never happened in my family. They've been ASD all this time and never told me. I've been deliberately fooled and manipulated for decades. Immediate divorce is the only option".

I've seen this kind of thing (non-disclosure, even innocent non-disclosure, as motivation for divorce) here a few times a year, so it's not impossible, but it may not be likely. It's intended primarily to highlight a possible negative reaction that might not be obvious.

IMO the only reasonable thing to do, if you feel you must do something, is to describe yourself as ASD.
This is easily done if you have a suitable foible. Mine is "over-explaining". Usually they've noticed it already - I just need to find a moment to provide the reason.

From here you might get a question, Or you might get one later.

If not, don't follow up.