dancingdolphins
New Member
Hi!!!
I'm new to this forum and excited to be here.
I have just been writing about my fear of rejection and I wanted to share what I have written. Please let me know if you relate and if you have any advice to be able to not care so much, thank you!
I'm in a transparent case, all eyes on me. Yet I'm invisible all the same. My dreams envision me aborbed within the crowd, one of them. Belonging for some is a given, they do not understand how it feels to scourer every corner of the world and still not crack the code. I changed everything I could, I pushed myself to be in scenarios that my mind, body and soul screamed at me to leave. I nodded along to sentences I disagreed with and molded my voice to align with their narrative. I didn't exist. I am simply a mirror of the person who's acceptance I crave. To remove that layer and stand in front of them naked with nothing to cushion or fade my true self - well that's terrifying. If I am a mirror of them and they turn their back - they are rejecting themselves - they are not able to reject me in any real way. Is this manipulation or a survival tactic? In my darkest hours, I plead with God to tell me the way to be. Simply being myself opens the door for anyone to enter and shatter my world, is that the risk you take for an honest connection? People seem to be able to move on - forgive and forget. But for me, there is no forgetting and any rejection, however minor, continues to attack me and feel as fresh years down the road as it did yesterday.
I'm new to this forum and excited to be here.
I have just been writing about my fear of rejection and I wanted to share what I have written. Please let me know if you relate and if you have any advice to be able to not care so much, thank you!
I'm in a transparent case, all eyes on me. Yet I'm invisible all the same. My dreams envision me aborbed within the crowd, one of them. Belonging for some is a given, they do not understand how it feels to scourer every corner of the world and still not crack the code. I changed everything I could, I pushed myself to be in scenarios that my mind, body and soul screamed at me to leave. I nodded along to sentences I disagreed with and molded my voice to align with their narrative. I didn't exist. I am simply a mirror of the person who's acceptance I crave. To remove that layer and stand in front of them naked with nothing to cushion or fade my true self - well that's terrifying. If I am a mirror of them and they turn their back - they are rejecting themselves - they are not able to reject me in any real way. Is this manipulation or a survival tactic? In my darkest hours, I plead with God to tell me the way to be. Simply being myself opens the door for anyone to enter and shatter my world, is that the risk you take for an honest connection? People seem to be able to move on - forgive and forget. But for me, there is no forgetting and any rejection, however minor, continues to attack me and feel as fresh years down the road as it did yesterday.