Malignant Narcissism

[HelloDizzy]

I've been asked if I might be a psychopath (or sociopath, they're different), and I do have some traits. However, I don't know that I have this. I can love people. I've manipulated every therapist I've had to avoid the "dangerous" category.
My friend recently asked if I was going to kill him. WTF.

I feel secure when I'm okay with my "evilness" which to me is objectivity. Others see it as...bad. Maybe I just feel better showing anger to NT's than gooshy emotions.
I wrote a poem about it.

In the morning I change my colors
Awake or not
I love you, crush you
It's 2.a.m and I can't see your eyes
So I'm drinking a little harder
Turn off the lights
My pupils won't get larger
I understand your cracks
I just can't feel them
Look in my eyes
Are they in your mirror too?
I'm a narcissist malignant
And I never felt this calm
Kissing the ground and resenting the sky
This time I feel just fine
Firestarter, only smarter.

 

[Simply a Bibliophile]

I don't think I've ever been accused of being a psychopath by anyone besides myself. Obviously with Aspies, a lot of us have empathy issues and that can be mistaken for psychopathy on the surface. (Lots of differences, though! LOTS of differences.)

As far as I myself go, my mother does a lot of research in psychology (I think it's her proto-Aspie obsession, ha ha) and was once reading a book about psychopaths. I read excepts and immediately saw myself in some of the descriptions and promptly threw what I guess I could call an enormous tantrum where I cried for hours on end about how I didn't want to be a psychopath and how I didn't want to be different and I hated being me because I couldn't ever be close to people. My mother calmed me down by explaining that no psychopath would feel such strong aversion about being one, which snapped me out of it. It had been one of the worst meltdowns I'd had in ages (I was 12).

 

[HelloDizzy]

I'm also obsessed with psychology. And serial killers (I lived next door to Glen Rogers in Mississippi as a child and it messed me up.)
I'm just not normal. My brother and sister who are both way way way older are psychopaths. Stabbers, firestarters, liars.

 

[ravendragonwing]

I'm also obsessed with psychology. And serial killers (I lived next door to Glen Rogers in Mississippi as a child and it messed me up.)
I'm just not normal. My brother and sister who are both way way way older are psychopaths. Stabbers, firestarters, liars.

I am obsessed with serial killers too. An ex-coworker actually had a piece of Sharon Tate's house hanging on her wall and I collected the serial killer collectable cards. They are so interesting to study.......

 

[King_Oni]

Oh... I've been called that, and almost got a NPD diagnosis by a therapist. Sociopathic scores were kinda high with me, as was the a general score on psychopatholgy. And to be honest, I don't care. When at a therapist I do choose my words carefully to avoid both misunderstanding as well as steering clear from blurting out stuff that puts me in the red zone. I know that a label like that wont help me either. So in that way, I might be manipulative, but I do know that I'm quite often like that when with my back against the wall... feels like some kind of "survival instinct" if anything, rather than something I have a compulsion to do each and every time.

And as also mentioned in this thread; I am interested by serial killers, but it's not neccesarily an obsession for me. But if anything it's something I do read about. I'm more interested in sociology, values and cultural aspects rather than psychology. There surely is a tie in with psychology though.

I've actually had friends that were terrified of me for whatever reason, but I can manage my impulses and all. I don't really care to meet up with people a lot anyway, so that might be a way to manage some tendencies.

 

[HelloDizzy]

I don't think being diagnosed would be helpful at all seeing as there isn't a "cure" yet. So I'm not pursuing it.

 

[King_Oni]

I don't think being diagnosed would be helpful at all seeing as there isn't a "cure" yet. So I'm not pursuing it.

No cures, probably just therapy to have you deal with it and relate to others... and be less "about you".

But I don't know... I always feel that, whatever therapy one is having and as such "taking away" something, it has to fill the gap.

 

[HelloDizzy]

Ditto.
I don't need a big empty space in my already difficult to understand personality.