So, I've been here for a while and I've noticed that I'm (obviously) not the only one that often dreads social interaction while at the same time craving it.
What I'm interested in is how you maintain the balance between having enough alone time and making sure your social needs are met and your friends are happy. And how to deal with the dread of one-on-one interaction.
For me this is quite tricky. I get energy and positive feelings from some forms of social interaction, specifically when I can set the location and can leave whenever I want. For this reason most of my social interaction happens at my favorite local bar, where I'll just bump into my friends who show up regularly. Because I haven't made official plans with them I don't feel anxious about the interactions. The problem is mostly social interaction outside a bar.
I cherish my time alone, but when I spend too much time around the house I tend to slowly slide into depression. I don't feel like doing anything and I don't bother dressing up, cleaning up around the house or going outside at all (unless I need to buy groceries). I want to talk to friends, but choose to do so over WhatsApp instead of meeting them in person. When one of them wants to meet up I'll usually say yes, but the closer the appointment gets, the more I freak out and think of reasons to cancel. When I do cancel, I know I won't feel relieved but instead feel like a ****** friend and spend my night at home alone feeling like a failure. When I go ahead with the plans I will have fun but I'll have built up so much anxiety towards it that I'm emotionally exhausted and pretty much waiting for it to be over.
I'll feel like a ****** friend when I'm at someone else's house and glancing at the clock every five minutes to see whether I can leave yet. I'll also feel like a ****** friend when someone's at my place and I haven't cleaned it as much as I'd wanted to and I'm secretly hoping they'll leave early.
For instance, I have a friend coming over tonight whom I absolutely adore. While I'm looking forward to seeing her I feel like my house is way too messy to have someone over. I've known she's coming for two weeks now. I could've done something about the mess in the last few days, but instead I chose to watch Netflix in bed, hiding from the rising dread and thinking of excuses to cancel our plans. She wanted to have dinner together as well but I've made up some lame excuse so she'll come over later because I'm secretly scared we'll run out of things to talk about before the end of dinner.
What's the most annoying thing about all of this is that I know my friends love me and want to hang out with me without ulterior motives, and I know we get on pretty well, but I still dread every meeting that's not at my safe place (which is my bar). My boyfriend tries to be supportive by telling me to just go through with the plans because I'll have a good time. I know he's right, I just wish he could feel the absolute dread that fills me beforehand. I've been emotionally unstable all day because I've made plans to hang out with one of my best friends. How messed up is that?
What I'm interested in is how you maintain the balance between having enough alone time and making sure your social needs are met and your friends are happy. And how to deal with the dread of one-on-one interaction.
For me this is quite tricky. I get energy and positive feelings from some forms of social interaction, specifically when I can set the location and can leave whenever I want. For this reason most of my social interaction happens at my favorite local bar, where I'll just bump into my friends who show up regularly. Because I haven't made official plans with them I don't feel anxious about the interactions. The problem is mostly social interaction outside a bar.
I cherish my time alone, but when I spend too much time around the house I tend to slowly slide into depression. I don't feel like doing anything and I don't bother dressing up, cleaning up around the house or going outside at all (unless I need to buy groceries). I want to talk to friends, but choose to do so over WhatsApp instead of meeting them in person. When one of them wants to meet up I'll usually say yes, but the closer the appointment gets, the more I freak out and think of reasons to cancel. When I do cancel, I know I won't feel relieved but instead feel like a ****** friend and spend my night at home alone feeling like a failure. When I go ahead with the plans I will have fun but I'll have built up so much anxiety towards it that I'm emotionally exhausted and pretty much waiting for it to be over.
I'll feel like a ****** friend when I'm at someone else's house and glancing at the clock every five minutes to see whether I can leave yet. I'll also feel like a ****** friend when someone's at my place and I haven't cleaned it as much as I'd wanted to and I'm secretly hoping they'll leave early.
For instance, I have a friend coming over tonight whom I absolutely adore. While I'm looking forward to seeing her I feel like my house is way too messy to have someone over. I've known she's coming for two weeks now. I could've done something about the mess in the last few days, but instead I chose to watch Netflix in bed, hiding from the rising dread and thinking of excuses to cancel our plans. She wanted to have dinner together as well but I've made up some lame excuse so she'll come over later because I'm secretly scared we'll run out of things to talk about before the end of dinner.
What's the most annoying thing about all of this is that I know my friends love me and want to hang out with me without ulterior motives, and I know we get on pretty well, but I still dread every meeting that's not at my safe place (which is my bar). My boyfriend tries to be supportive by telling me to just go through with the plans because I'll have a good time. I know he's right, I just wish he could feel the absolute dread that fills me beforehand. I've been emotionally unstable all day because I've made plans to hang out with one of my best friends. How messed up is that?