is this normal

[Rainbowpride]

is this normal ?
when am out with my husband and am waiting for a bus i normally try to get into the bus before everyone else to get a seat that my husband can sit with me
every time i do my husband holds me back and lets others on before me
he says its rude not to let people on before me who been there before us
but i don't understand why its rude ...also when am out shopping with my husband and am pushing a trolley he says i cut people up all the time but i don't know when am doing it
he don't get that i don't understand why i cant do that
am i weird ???

 

[Adora]

I have done that unintentionally a few times myself,I once went to this self serve check out in a shop and didn't realise that there was a line behind me so I had this woman call me rude for cutting in but I didn't realise there was a lineup,also the train thing have been guilty of that I use to have my husband tell me to wait for people to come out first but now I'm a bit better I will try and wait for people to come out first but yeah your not the only one like this even though I'm a polite person I have my slip ups at times.

 

[Suzanne]

I am sorry but I agree with your husband! It IS rude to push in front!

I cannot say if it is normal or not, but I am an aspie, and would feel just awful pushing past people to get first place!

Perhaps you are unable to see that you would not like it if you have been standing there for a long time and someone comes along and gets on, totally ignoring you?

This world is rife with rude people; do we need to join in?

 

[Rainbowpride]

true , i wouldn't like it if it was done to me .
i dont mean to be rude am very nervous person when am out i cant go out on my own due to my mental health
( i hear voices and see things , my anxiety is really bad and i cant have money because ill buy bad things with it )
the reason i want to get on the bus first is so that i have my husband sitting next to me
i dont like strangers scared they might touch me with unclean hands

 

[Adora]

true , i wouldn't like it if it was done to me .
i dont mean to be rude am very nervous person when am out i cant go out on my own due to my mental health
( i hear voices and see things , my anxiety is really bad and i cant have money because ill buy bad things with it )
the reason i want to get on the bus first is so that i have my husband sitting next to me
i dont like strangers scared they might touch me with unclean hands

I sometimes like my husband with me too,it sounds like anxiety is really causing problems do you get overwhelmed with it because I know how bad it can get.

 

[Rainbowpride]

yes its gotten so bad that i cant leave the house without my husband or with an adult that i know very well
my mother calls it attention seeking ( my mother has no understanding of mental health)
i am transgender as well ( Am born female , am gender queer witch means am both male and female or am some times male some times female ), i recently came out to my mothers and she was ok about it witch was a surprise normally she would usually say its a phase

 

[Balkan1996]

Well, there's always some old lady waiting to take a seat. They'll sprint if they see a free seat, ironic...

And I guess the social norm is to help the population older than you. I don't see how it's rude for me to sit if I'm 20 and don't give a seat to a woman who's 40, but mehh... Complicated humans.

Just wait for 10 seconds and then take a seat if it's still free.

There's nothing rude about it if you didn't realize.

 

[Adora]

yes its gotten so bad that i cant leave the house without my husband or with an adult that i know very well
my mother calls it attention seeking ( my mother has no understanding of mental health)
i am transgender as well ( Am born female , am gender queer witch means am both male and female or am some times male some times female ), i recently came out to my mothers and she was ok about it witch was a surprise normally she would usually say its a phase

A lot on your plate at the moment it's also hard when your mum really doesn't understand your issues,had problems with my mum in the past about my anxiety problems she use to always turn the conversation back to herself but sounds like your mum doesn't understand mental health issues which can be extremely frustrating when dealing with family members who are clueless.

 

[Rainbowpride]

yes my family members have mental health problems too she keeps saying that she had it worse than everyone else and that her problems are real while the rest of us are faking ( some times she even says we are lying for attention ) my mothers is very narcissistic she like everyone should feel sorry for her and that she is suffering in this life worse than anyone else
she blames my sister for everything that when on in our family . they dont talk at all and say out of each others way

 

[Suzanne]

true , i wouldn't like it if it was done to me .
i dont mean to be rude am very nervous person when am out i cant go out on my own due to my mental health
( i hear voices and see things , my anxiety is really bad and i cant have money because ill buy bad things with it )
the reason i want to get on the bus first is so that i have my husband sitting next to me
i dont like strangers scared they might touch me with unclean hands

The best way to get around that, is to arrive as early as you can. If you frequent the same bus stop most times, then you and your husband should be able to get a pretty good picture with at one time, people are likely to be waiting.

I HATE going on a bus on my own. I would get my bus pass ready, gripped in my hand or my money and it would have to be the exact amount needed.

I can imagine how awful that is for you ie hearing voices. I mean: I hear my own subconscious voice all the time, but it must be just awful to hear a continuous whispering or getting louder.

I do get you about wanting your husband to sit next to you, for I am the same.

Me too a very nervous person and if you read my thread I posted yesterday about a bbq I was invited to, you will see that I get you very much!

 

[Adora]

yes my family members have mental health problems too she keeps saying that she had it worse than everyone else and that her problems are real while the rest of us are faking ( some times she even says we are lying for attention ) my mothers is very narcissistic she like everyone should feel sorry for her and that she is suffering in this life worse than anyone else
she blames my sister for everything that when on in our family . they dont talk at all and say out of each others way

My mum is exactly the same no one is sicker than she is and can be a bit narcissistic at times,I hardly talk to her been told by other people including my husband and aunt not to talk to her because I causes my anxiety to go up to 100,your mum sounds like she wants the spotlight on her and not anyone else

 

[NTgirl4276]

I can see where you're coming from, rainbowpride. whenever I ride public transportation, I like to plan ahead and know which side of the train I should stand on, which end of the train I want to be closer to, etc. For me, though, it's not a source of anxiety, it's simply a preference.

if you'll permit me, I can venture a guess as to why some people might perceive your insistence on entering first as rude. unless someone knows you, and knows you well, they might have no idea that you're legitimately anxious about being able to sit with your husband. but even if they did know that about you, they might wonder: how can this person be sure that no one else in line experiences the same anxiety? In other words, they might perceive your behavior as self-centered. what if someone else arrived particularly early so that they could be sure to be first, because they have similar anxiety issues, and then you arrive later and jump in front of them?

just a guess. I'm sorry to hear that you're dealing with so many difficult things right now. if boarding a train or bus first brings you some small measure of comfort or peace, go for it. because in all likelihood, even the people who think you are rude will forget about it two minutes later!

 

[Rainbowpride]

just back from going shopping there was this man that just starring at me weird
my husband and i are going to a LGBT group tonight ( normally about 10 - 12 people there so am a bit anxious)
there normally ok and are understanding of my mental health
it means i have to go on the bus at a busy time i will have with me my bag which has one dose of anti anxiety meds a note book with some CBT stuff in it to look at when am stressed or panicked so all is good
my husband has a car but we dont use it for in town as parking is very expensive so thats the reason we have to take the bus
we have had the car for about a year now , Before that we had to take the bus everywhere it made things hard had to travel on 2 buses there and 2 buses back just to see my mum who lives out of town it would get to the point of making me feel like not seeing my family my mum didnt understand we see me mums once every fortnight and my husband helps my mum with shopping but she think my husband is her personal taxi service and is pissy ( am i allowed to say that ?) when he cant do things for her ...

i mean i love my mum but sometimes she can be a pain in the ass

 

[Adora]

just back from going shopping there was this man that just starring at me weird
my husband and i are going to a LGBT group tonight ( normally about 10 - 12 people there so am a bit anxious)
there normally ok and are understanding of my mental health
it means i have to go on the bus at a busy time i will have with me my bag which has one dose of anti anxiety meds a note book with some CBT stuff in it to look at when am stressed or panicked so all is good
my husband has a car but we dont use it for in town as parking is very expensive so thats the reason we have to take the bus
we have had the car for about a year now , Before that we had to take the bus everywhere it made things hard had to travel on 2 buses there and 2 buses back just to see my mum who lives out of town it would get to the point of making me feel like not seeing my family my mum didnt understand we see me mums once every fortnight and my husband helps my mum with shopping but she think my husband is her personal taxi service and is pissy ( am i allowed to say that ?) when he cant do things for her ...

i mean i love my mum but sometimes she can be a pain in the ass

Yeah it would be hard on you and your husband especially your mum using your husband like a taxi service,it's stressful when people start taking advantage of you especially when it's your family.

 

[AsheSkyler]

It's impolite and selfish to break in line and make people wait even longer than they already have, but I understand being clingy to your mate. I would probably get to the bus stop early so I was one of the first ten on board so I'd have a good chance of sitting with my husband if we were in an area that required buses.

 

[Tom]

Just about everywhere there are social 'rules of the road' that people follow, and much is unwritten. You normally pick it up as a matter of course when growing up in an area. Although you may not know them if you moved to a different country, etc.

Some people ignor them because they just don't care, but it sounds like you are saying you don't understand them in the first place, which is a bit unusual I think. But its not enough to tell, or even guess what might be going on. If it is enough of a issue to cause you concern, you can do some investigation yourself online (ie, self tests) and/or mention this to your doctor. They might refer you to a psychologist for an evaluation.