Is it bad that I find some people on the spectrum annoying?

[Gritches]

I wouldn't have known they were on the spectrum without the social context, but yes. Actually, knowing they were on the spectrum made them more tolerable if anything because I kinda get it.

 

[Chance]

It sure does make some uncomfort feelings, so I get what you are saying.

As Chance says, we are still human and sadly, imperfect, which means that we are contradictory etc, even as aspies; but even knowing that,doesn't stop me. When I feel wound up with my husband, who is not an aspie, but twirls cap tops or makes annoying noises or puts things on his eyes, thinking he is funny. It REALLY winds me up and YET, I bounce my legs and twirl things in my hands; so major hypocritical thinking going on there, but doesn't make it any better for annoyance.

I hate it when people go on and on and on and do not even give you the courtesy of joining in, but I know that I go on and on when it is a subject that I am passionate about but I do wait to hear their thoughts.

And, there are occasions when my husband has taken something literal ( oh yes, nts do and as one nt said to me: we all have those traits, but I guess you aspies have them ten fold)? Anyway, I get annoyed and even think: are you stupid or something? I feel mortified to have that thought, since I virtually ALWAYS take things literal, which has got me to appreciate why nts may find me exhasperating to deal with.

I think what we are guilty of doing, is thinking that we are a superior race to nts and so, we act accordingly. Of course, it is understandable, since we have had to live in the nt world and deal with all their rubbish and then, find a group of people who think almost as we do, that suddenly we put ourselves in a box, which points the "fingers" at those nts, who really are shameful people.

For me, it helps maintain a bit of balance; seeing that I have no right demand something that I am not willing to give.

Wow... you threw it all out there...

You just made me think again... Geez my head is already full, but you said maybe we think we are the superior race... It stuck. (why I don't know?)

I dont consciously think that, but when they smell nasty, do stupid things that make no logic, and act ugly towards others or me when I have never done something to them... Maybe in some sick twisted way I do think that I am better than that... It makes me feel a little weird, because they always shove us down and make us seem insignificant.

What if we were the Superior race who doesn't destroy the planet, live on a greed addiction, feed off drama, but we also don't shove ourselves on others (that I know of)... I avoid people mostly, but IS IT because somewhere deep inside I think I am better than they are? While my conscious mind says the total opposite...

I haven't ever really seen you go deep before... I like it.

You got my head all twisted up, but in a good way. : )

 

[Amy Susan Rose]

Some had awful hygiene, would pick their noses and fart then laugh about it, some were know-it-alls who wouldn't shut up.

Growing up my brothers were like this and they are definitely not on the spectrum. I volunteered a few times for different activities at my kids' schools years ago and this was not unusual behavior for NT boys in general. Also, some of my son's friends who were NT's acted like this as boys (maybe they still do as adults ). Did you ever watch how many adults pick their noses while driving. Just observe sometime!

 

[Chance]

Being on the Spectrum is a bit like being left-handed, short, or having high arches. It's just one component of a person and it doesn't make someone immune to being annoying. My sister was once diagnosed with PDD-NOS (a diagnosis she choose to ignore and go with another diagnosis of just anxiety) and she's annoying, at least to me. Of course she's my sister so I suppose she's suppose to annoy me.The bad hygiene might be due to sensory issues but as kids it was their parents failing for not finding suitable way to clean the kid.

@Chance I know at least two guys who to me stink terribly but I seem to be the only one who smells it. And they are both appear to be extremely well groomed. But to me, yuk! So sorry about your truck getting funky smell in it.

Okay, maybe its me.... Instead of him so much... I'm a fair guy. You just said you are the only one who can smell it! Same here... I simply ask people when they get in (never to discuss this with others) if they smell a weird smell. Every time they say no, and I'm about to puke... It maybe he's in close proximity of me, and its just me picking up on it, but yes I smell it 2-3 days later even if he hasn't been in there...

He never looks unclean. He wears clean clothes and stuff, but I swear I smell rotten milk, or spoiled clothes, and after he is out, its even worse. Maybe its just bad overactive SPD on my part?

 

[Chance]

Growing up my brothers were like this and they are definitely not on the spectrum. I volunteered a few times for different activities at my kids' schools years ago and this was not unusual behavior for NT boys in general. Also, some of my son's friends who were NT's acted like this as boys (maybe they still do as adults ). Did you ever watch how many adults pick their noses while driving. Just observe sometime!

That's just wrong... as I shake laughing? gross, gross, gross...

 

[Suzanne]

Wow... you threw it all out there...

You just made me think again... Geez my head is already full, but you said maybe we think we are the superior race... It stuck. (why I don't know?)

I dont consciously think that, but when they smell nasty, do stupid things that make no logic, and act ugly towards others or me when I have never done something to them... Maybe in some sick twisted way I do think that I am better than that... It makes me feel a little weird, because they always shove us down and make us seem insignificant.

What if we were the Superior race who doesn't destroy the planet, live on a greed addiction, feed off drama, but we also don't shove ourselves on others (that I know of)... I avoid people mostly, but IS IT because somewhere deep inside I think I am better than they are? While my conscious mind says the total opposite...

I haven't ever really seen you go deep before... I like it.

You got my head all twisted up, but in a good way. : )

Sorry, I did not mean to say that about superiority regarding the smell of others, because generally if we smell bad, we are hardly going to notice if others smell bad.

Glad that I twisted you up in a good way

When I meant feeling superiority, it was really regards to intellect, because there are many nts who are very clever people.

 

[Ylva]

I find like 90% of people annoying anyway. I'm not going to discriminate against my own neurotribe. But I'm not going to keep tabs on it either.

As for superiority, I don't believe in it. I believe in diversity, which is far more useful in every way. While we're talking about things to believe in, I prefer to accept people over tolerating them.

 

[Ambi]

In my experience, kids (whether on the spectrum or not) with bad hygiene that pick their noses and fart and laugh about it are called boys. Some of them will grow out of it.

LOL - I think they're just kids. I recently spotted a little girl digging for gold in her butt crack - it was so, so gross. And then they want to come hold hands (thankfully that didn't happen to me that day, lol!)

 

[Ambi]

I have a more guilt-inducing situation. I was pressured into being the godparent of a special needs girl with lots of trauma issues. She was barely intelligible, had zero understanding of boundaries, and was completely and utterly obsessed with me. True obsession - I am always on her mind, she is constantly asking to be with me, for me to visit her, for her to visit me, she writes loads of letters and draws loads of pictures that her mother than occasionally sends to me in bulk. She used to literally cling to me while I tried to walk around, she would go through my belongings.

Everyone else thinks it's sweet. It is in fact due to her trauma and terrible fear of being abandoned. I find it extremely disturbing, and it's why I did not want to be her godparent - it triggered me in all kinds of ways since I hate when people cross my boundaries, I hate that she is always pressuring me to be with her, I hate that she tells everyone that she doesn't see me enough (it would never be enough), and then those people add additional pressure to me as to why I'm not visiting her more - so it's a group pressure and a group idea that I'm a terrible godparent - I think the obsession is very unhealthy and weird and what we really needed was distance, yet I naively let her mother manipulate me into accepting.

I first said no and explained why, then she asked again and I felt guilty about it and said yes. Lifelong regret so far. Most people would say I'm a monster, but nobody else has been the object of this bizarre obsession. She has always lived far away, now she is several hours away - and yet I am still considered the bad godparent because I don't go visit.

Even though I listed all of these reasons for why I didn't want to be her godparent - I could not guarantee that I could cope with her trauma, or that I could drive long distances to be with her, that I could be very involved with her (and certainly not enough for her to be happy about it), and most of all - no matter what I do, she is in the state of "abandonment" from "me" - really from all the terrible things that have happened to her, but now I got trapped into that trauma loop, but I can't just go live with her.

It would have all been solved had her mom taken seriously my warnings about how the godparent thing was a terrible idea, and if I had not been guilted into saying yes the second time I was asked. Her mom is manipulative, and I still feel angry about it. I send her gifts and cards several times a year, but that is where my comfort level is at now that she lives so far away. I'm not driving several hours each way to visit her, but I think others think I'm bad for not doing that once in a while. But I was upfront with the mom that I could not/would not do that, and that's why I didn't want to be godparent!

Whew! Sorry for hijacking this thread.

 

[Ylva]

I have a more guilt-inducing situation. I was pressured into being the godparent of a special needs girl with lots of trauma issues. She was barely intelligible, had zero understanding of boundaries, and was completely and utterly obsessed with me. True obsession - I am always on her mind, she is constantly asking to be with me, for me to visit her, for her to visit me, she writes loads of letters and draws loads of pictures that her mother than occasionally sends to me in bulk. She used to literally cling to me while I tried to walk around, she would go through my belongings. Everyone else thinks it's sweet. It is in fact due to her trauma and terrible fear of being abandoned. I find it extremely disturbing, and it's why I did not want to be her godparent - it triggered me in all kinds of ways since I hate when people cross my boundaries, I hate that she is always pressuring me to be with her, I hate that she tells everyone that she doesn't see me enough (it would never be enough), and then those people add additional pressure to me as to why I'm not visiting her more - so it's a group pressure and a group idea that I'm a terrible godparent - I think the obsession is very unhealthy and weird and what we really needed was distance, yet I naively let her mother manipulate me into accepting. I first said no and explained why, then she asked again and I felt guilty about it and said yes. Lifelong regret so far. Most people would say I'm a monster, but nobody else has been the object of this bizarre obsession. She has always lived far away, now she is several hours away - and yet I am still considered the bad godparent because I don't go visit. Even though I listed all of these reasons for why I didn't want to be her godparent - I could not guarantee that I could cope with her trauma, or that I could drive long distances to be with her, that I could be very involved with her (and certainly not enough for her to be happy about it), and most of all - no matter what I do, she is in the state of "abandonment" from "me" - really from all the terrible things that have happened to her, but now I got trapped into that trauma loop, but I can't just go live with her. It would have all been solved had her mom taken seriously my warnings about how the godparent thing was a terrible idea, and if I had not been guilted into saying yes the second time I was asked. Her mom is manipulative, and I still feel angry about it. I send her gifts and cards several times a year, but that is where my comfort level is at now that she lives so far away. I'm not driving several hours each way to visit her, but I think others think I"m bad for not doing that once in a while. But I was upfront with the mom that I could not/would not do that, and that's why I didn't want to be godparent! Whew! Sorry for hijacking this thread.

Wow, those are some toxic people. You might do well to cut them out of your life completely.

Maybe tell the mother to stop hyping you so much to the girl. It's not healthy for her. Hold the father accountable too, assuming he exists.

 

[Chance]

I have a more guilt-inducing situation. I was pressured into being the godparent of a special needs girl with lots of trauma issues. She was barely intelligible, had zero understanding of boundaries, and was completely and utterly obsessed with me. True obsession - I am always on her mind, she is constantly asking to be with me, for me to visit her, for her to visit me, she writes loads of letters and draws loads of pictures that her mother than occasionally sends to me in bulk. She used to literally cling to me while I tried to walk around, she would go through my belongings. Everyone else thinks it's sweet. It is in fact due to her trauma and terrible fear of being abandoned. I find it extremely disturbing, and it's why I did not want to be her godparent - it triggered me in all kinds of ways since I hate when people cross my boundaries, I hate that she is always pressuring me to be with her, I hate that she tells everyone that she doesn't see me enough (it would never be enough), and then those people add additional pressure to me as to why I'm not visiting her more - so it's a group pressure and a group idea that I'm a terrible godparent - I think the obsession is very unhealthy and weird and what we really needed was distance, yet I naively let her mother manipulate me into accepting. I first said no and explained why, then she asked again and I felt guilty about it and said yes. Lifelong regret so far. Most people would say I'm a monster, but nobody else has been the object of this bizarre obsession. She has always lived far away, now she is several hours away - and yet I am still considered the bad godparent because I don't go visit. Even though I listed all of these reasons for why I didn't want to be her godparent - I could not guarantee that I could cope with her trauma, or that I could drive long distances to be with her, that I could be very involved with her (and certainly not enough for her to be happy about it), and most of all - no matter what I do, she is in the state of "abandonment" from "me" - really from all the terrible things that have happened to her, but now I got trapped into that trauma loop, but I can't just go live with her. It would have all been solved had her mom taken seriously my warnings about how the godparent thing was a terrible idea, and if I had not been guilted into saying yes the second time I was asked. Her mom is manipulative, and I still feel angry about it. I send her gifts and cards several times a year, but that is where my comfort level is at now that she lives so far away. I'm not driving several hours each way to visit her, but I think others think I"m bad for not doing that once in a while. But I was upfront with the mom that I could not/would not do that, and that's why I didn't want to be godparent! Whew! Sorry for hijacking this thread.

Total nightmare... no way
I feel for the little one but I understand how that can mess you up in a bad way also...

 

[Ambi]

Wow, those are some toxic people. You might do well to cut them out of your life completely.

Maybe tell the mother to stop hyping you so much to the girl. It's not healthy for her. Hold the father accountable too, assuming he exists.

You are right - I think they are toxic in a way - well, I think they are unhealthy. The girl is unhealthy, but that is not her fault of course. She is adopted. It's just such a bad situation - I think if mom was truly being mom, she would have listened to my concerns and warnings rather than shoving them aside - I do think she created this toxic situation. It is nice to hear that someone else sees it as toxic rather than "What's the matter with you? That girl (now woman) is so sweet!" What is really sad is her mom won't take her to a a good therapist - they go to this kook who I tried out once before dropping him because his "therapy" was useless.

 

[SomeRandomAspie]

I used to go to a program that gave ABA social skill therapy for kids on the spectrum and I found many of those kids annoying. Some had awful hygiene, would pick their noses and fart then laugh about it, some were know-it-alls who wouldn't shut up. I do feel bad for feeling annoyed at them because I know they probably don't realize how annoying they're being and it also reminds me of how annoying I used to act before I bettered those things. Let me know your thoughts.

Yeah, I find a lot of people on the spectrum annoying.

 

[Fitzo]

Being more tolerant of others is probably a good thing to learn and act upon, but you can't like everybody regardless of whether they're on the spectrum or not. It's just a fact of life!

 

[Butterfly88]

I find some people in general, both neurotypical and neurodiverse annoying. I think some people are just annoying whether they have autism or not.

 

[SunnyDay16]

LOL - I think they're just kids. I recently spotted a little girl digging for gold in her butt crack - it was so, so gross. And then they want to come hold hands (thankfully that didn't happen to me that day, lol!)

Oh my god that's so gross.

 

[isthisreallife]

Nope. I sometimes annoy myself.

 

[OlLiE]

if you accept that being on the spectrum is not the same for everyone and that being on the spectrum is not the sole determinant of one's personality, then it is statistically impossible to not dislike some people that are on the spectrum

 

[pax]

Some of us are really annoying. That's just how it is.

Makes me remember a kid I knew growing up, who was in a wheelchair. I felt bad for thinking he was an asshole. But he was really an asshole.

How you feel about people is your own business, and you should never kick yourself about it.

Yeah, there was a kid in my class at primary(elementary) school who had haemophillia. He used to go around thumping people, knowing they weren't allowed to thump him back. One day someone retaliated and he was off school for a week. Being different doesn't make one immune from being annoying, or an arsehole.

 

[Ambi]

I could be quite annoying as a child, and I can still be just as annoying now - I'm trying to learn to control it.