Although I as a parent of two Autistic small children focus on the positives about them and Autism, and have learned to not only understand and accept many things that come with that, but to also appreciate and respect them and those on the Spectrum, too, there are certain things I see that I fault the caregivers of certain Austistic persons for not making better efforts, as certain things can be bettered.
Whenever I see either our sons do or say anything not nice to another, or if their generalization is not true or could harm others of that class that do not fit that stereotype, I make attempts to educate that child through words or some action, and to make sure they learn what they said or did was either not true, not polite, or saying how it could be harmful to another.
How do we know what cannot be changed if we do not try, as all on the Spectrum are different, too. We believe in the importance of manners, and trying to change what can be changed. My pet peeve is when anyone, including those on the spectrum, have the attitude, "accept me as I am." Life is about growth and change, and trying to be one's best, and so if wrongs occur, trying to better that. Not all traits or behaviors can be changed, obviously, but many can with better parental or ASD effort, and with open mindedness.
And that is were I fault those parents for not trying to early on stop those less proper routines, attitudes and generalizations coming from that one with ASD. Maybe those parents were too busy at work, did not communicate well enough or make as many efforts to change to healthier or more proper routine, or maybe they were bad parents and abusive, but clearly, bad hygiene or very inappropriate attitudes and behaviors, could have been changed in several of those cases, if that parent truly cared, as everyone with higher functioning can change some things. Otherwise, they would be seen as often lower functioning.
There are some here on this forum clearly I do not understand, or relate much to, like if they are repeatedly attacking all NTs, Aspie males, all children, or if they are not listening or supporting much, or seem not acting on reasonable advice and so forth. Whether it is their personality, bad upbringing, or a trait of their condition, or a combination, please understand you get out of this world what you put into it, and the more you criticiize others, show less care for others, or the less one try's other approaches, the more others will fairly criticize you, and the more problems in life you will have . It's never to late to change certain ways that are repelling others. Who knows what can or cannot be changed without trying.
For those who think higher functioning Autism is an excuse to not change anything, our oldest child when he was much younger used to generalize, have poor manners, not share, not take turns, not want to be social with others but parallel play, want things just his way all the time, etc. But, with his efforts after we discussed the importance of having certain behaviors, skills, and attitude, if able, explaining the importance for each one in a logical way, and after showing him how to do such, he developed healthier routines, has developed a better and more positive attitude, and he has great caring and other social skills that will last him a lifetime, resulting in less problems with others. For things he cannot change we embrace those, as being a part of his condition and we do not discourage those genetic traits.
As for our youngest, we realize for him his comorbid conditions with moderate Autism and severe ADHD makes changing anything about him very hard, and as we would never consider meds for him, at this age. That would be a personal decision for him, once he is older. But, if he acts up in public because of sensory issue or other, we will remove him from that environment, if he cannot calm down soon. Or if he does something very improper at home, we try to find some constructive way to not encourage that, and only through trial and error do we know what works and does not there. Some parents may make matters worse by their actions or inactions, shown usually if that child's meltdowns are many, long lasting or extreme.
So the moral of this story is, yes certain traits or behaviors in all people can be annoying, but if persons are either self-aware, have desires to change certain changeable ways to fit in better or to be healthier, or if they have someone caring in their life who knows things well and with desires to assist them, in the best ways for that person, then there would be less annoying persons in this world. However, if one wants to keep being negative or blaming others, wants to stay static in life, and wants to live life feeling more alone, then that is a decision, too. Having a condition is not a choice, but what you do in life with your condition often is.
