I have posted a while before about my situation.. Of my boyfriend who has aspergers..
I'm soon to be moving out of the flat due to the situation wich makes it really hard for me and I get a thousand anxieties again because we will be long distance for awhile again...
So to the situation.. Due to the living befor and the tension I decided to move out until we are able to get a biger place.. So i decided for a holiday with him since the last few month's became very absorbed by sadness and frustration on both sides wich made us forget who we were for each other.. So i planed a holiday on the seaside for 3 days wich were lovely, stressless and we seem to connect again and we're happy as we been before the situation tipped. . And So back to work now again after 3 days I thought we are quite OK now.. He seems more relaxed and happy. Despite working a lot.. Im in the uk now 2 more weeks until im heading back to my country.. Wich makes me kind of sad but i know its the best.
Than last night when I came home from my shift I did head straight into bed I was so tired he was already asleep.. In the morning when I woke up to make us coffee and i saw there was a drawing on the table with the pencil next to it.. So just to say he never draws because he says he is bad in it.. He once drawed something for me many years ago to make me laugh.. And normally he shares things with me.. It was a a4 paper folded with two sides. On the first was a picture of a woman's face. And a second time her face looking more weird.
I'm the second page was another picture of the same face again looking a bit crazy.. And on the bottom a full body shot drawn funny of the same lady with clowns shoes on and a weird pencil in her hand wich he did write something to it... I just took it and asked who he did draw that so specifically for.. He said.. Just a weird doodle.... He never draws. He toolk my paper and pencil to draw because I do..
I asked him again.. Who that was for.. He said no one specifically.. He than folded it.. Took other paper pieces with it and made a ball and pretend to throw it in the bin.. After he went to work.. I want to see it and it was not in.. Just the other pieces but it was gone..
I know it sounds weird but somehow in my mind it feels like he draw a certain woman and I feel like he is hiding something from me..
I can't get rid of this feeling since he tried to lie to me 2 this year about stuff so I'm. Very suspicious.. I'm just so scared that he likes someone else and feel like he is trapped with me or i hold him back. Or he's pretending to like or love me.. I don't know if he really loves me everything is very confusing.so many things happend broken trust his diagnosis and me being completely confused of who he is because he changed so much. Might as well just me be overreacting due to my fear and my anxiety of the comming move..
But I just don't know what to do or say..
I just want to leave with a good feeling and us beeing 100 honest for a fresh start..
Thank you all very much for reading..
I'm soon to be moving out of the flat due to the situation wich makes it really hard for me and I get a thousand anxieties again because we will be long distance for awhile again...
So to the situation.. Due to the living befor and the tension I decided to move out until we are able to get a biger place.. So i decided for a holiday with him since the last few month's became very absorbed by sadness and frustration on both sides wich made us forget who we were for each other.. So i planed a holiday on the seaside for 3 days wich were lovely, stressless and we seem to connect again and we're happy as we been before the situation tipped. . And So back to work now again after 3 days I thought we are quite OK now.. He seems more relaxed and happy. Despite working a lot.. Im in the uk now 2 more weeks until im heading back to my country.. Wich makes me kind of sad but i know its the best.
Than last night when I came home from my shift I did head straight into bed I was so tired he was already asleep.. In the morning when I woke up to make us coffee and i saw there was a drawing on the table with the pencil next to it.. So just to say he never draws because he says he is bad in it.. He once drawed something for me many years ago to make me laugh.. And normally he shares things with me.. It was a a4 paper folded with two sides. On the first was a picture of a woman's face. And a second time her face looking more weird.
I'm the second page was another picture of the same face again looking a bit crazy.. And on the bottom a full body shot drawn funny of the same lady with clowns shoes on and a weird pencil in her hand wich he did write something to it... I just took it and asked who he did draw that so specifically for.. He said.. Just a weird doodle.... He never draws. He toolk my paper and pencil to draw because I do..
I asked him again.. Who that was for.. He said no one specifically.. He than folded it.. Took other paper pieces with it and made a ball and pretend to throw it in the bin.. After he went to work.. I want to see it and it was not in.. Just the other pieces but it was gone..
I know it sounds weird but somehow in my mind it feels like he draw a certain woman and I feel like he is hiding something from me..
I can't get rid of this feeling since he tried to lie to me 2 this year about stuff so I'm. Very suspicious.. I'm just so scared that he likes someone else and feel like he is trapped with me or i hold him back. Or he's pretending to like or love me.. I don't know if he really loves me everything is very confusing.so many things happend broken trust his diagnosis and me being completely confused of who he is because he changed so much. Might as well just me be overreacting due to my fear and my anxiety of the comming move..
But I just don't know what to do or say..
I just want to leave with a good feeling and us beeing 100 honest for a fresh start..
Thank you all very much for reading..