I thought I was over this …

[Whattup]

When I got my first full time job at Home Depot, I made social mistakes, but over the course of almost 3 years, I also made a ton of friends. I gained confidence in my ability to make friends, and felt like a likable person.

Then I got a new job out of financial nessecity. I get the feeling that a lot of people at my new job are annoyed with me, that they don't want to talk to me and it's awful!

I thought I had overcome most of the social barriers that left me literally so alone all of my young life (I was diagnosed with Asperger's/HFA at 24). But this new job has left me depressed and feeling alone again.

Maybe the people at this new place are more snooty (it's a desk job as opposed to retail), and it's just a different atmosphere that makes them less tolerant of some quirk I might have. But seriously, I get people who don't Interact with me look at me with annoyance in their eyes, and I get emails from coworkers telling me that when I drag my feet accidentally, it irritates people. Both situations make me think that people are backstabbing me!

I'm just incredibly sad that I am back at a place where I am blue, alone, and not understanding why I am alone! Please post if you can relate or have advise. Thank you.

 

[The Penguin]

Maybe the people at this new place are more snooty (it's a desk job as opposed to retail),

I think it just part of the trade for desk people. I witness this many times. Partly why I don't talk to most of them.

 

[Whattup]

I think it just part of the trade for desk people. I witness this many times. Partly why I don't talk to most of them.

I think I need to rely less on work for friends. It's the only place I go and really interact with people, or have a reason to interact, so I naturally try to make friends there. Thank you for chiming in, I thought I was doing something wrong.

 

[Warmheart]

Your post highlights your impressive courage and resilience. My compassion for your current suffering. Corporate environments can be rough to break into. Patience will hopefully smooth things out for you, as in time you ease into a place of greater comfort among your coworkers. May you find your niche there, and I hope, a few friends who can see that you have so much to offer.

 

[The Penguin]

No problem.

 

[Whattup]

Your post highlights your impressive courage and resilience. My compassion for your current suffering. Corporate environments can be rough to break into. Patience will hopefully smooth things out for you, as in time you ease into a place of greater comfort among your coworkers. May you find your niche there, and I hope, a few friends who can see that you have so much to offer.

Thank you :') There a a couple who are kinder than most. I just need to stop expecting everyone to "like" me.

 

[Flinty]

I think it just part of the trade for desk people. I witness this many times. Partly why I don't talk to most of them.

As a desk person, I can tell you that The Penguin is essentially correct. Our department is ten really quiet people; that's just the way we are.

 

[Tia Maria]

I just posted this earlier tonight, & am copying & pasting it here for you because it's 'on topic' & I hope will be helpful for you. I'm not autistic. I joined this site recently to learn more about the subject to hopefully be able to assist our Autie nephew. I do not mean to be invading what I realize is a safe space, a wonderful community, for Auties & Aspies. I am learning SO MUCH, but truthfully there are many here - really it seems like almost everyone, that seem pretty "normal" to me. In any case, here goes about working in office environments:

".... probably due to the pace, stress & competition; people tend to try be DECENT, but do lean towards being more selfish & self centered. There are only so many hours in a day. People are trying to stay focused, accomplish something & then get home to their families ... leaving little leeway to extend themselves emotionally or otherwise to their work colleagues."

As Flinty mentioned, most offices are pretty quiet. Too much talking or chatting, fraternizing, is usually frowned upon. The environment can be pretty serious in tone depending on the industry.

Advances in technology & globalization has made almost every industry tremendously competitive. It's harder than ever to be profitable, aka stay in business, so companies are under a lot of pressure. As such, employees are also under increased pressure ... to produce, be effective, be efficient.

This explains some of the atmosphere in many office environments. I'm sure there are still some collegial places to be found, but even in those environments people everywhere are more aware today that there is "no free lunch" in the world, & work is not a place to socialize. Kind of like everyone must contribute so everyone can get paid ... which is the reason - earning a paycheck - everyone is there in the first place. So most people come in, focus on their work, & go home. They have families & friends outside of work.

Most people over age 30 have little to no real interest in making friends at work. It is a bonus if people are nice & can enjoy some camaraderie & laughs on occasion or over lunch. Sometimes you get lucky & make a connection.

I write all this so you can understand how most offices operate & realize it is not you. Hopefully your bosses & the majority of people around you are decent folk. They probably are. But for some reason there is often one - & that is all it takes, ONE - toxic or troublemaking type personality. One bad apple like that can spoil the entire environment. Especially if they are allowed to create dysfunction.

Don't stress or worry. And also don't worry about making friends or being liked. Be a decent, honest person & do the best job you can. Try not to let it bother you if people aren't too friendly or open. Do not discuss your own personal issues or problems at work, or with people there. To be frank, most people will not really care. (Plus they have their own issues & problems.) I was writing 'sadly', that sadly, they won't care, but then I omitted the word sadly .... because why should it really be considered sad? It's just a fact of life. In an extremely busy & competitive world, people no longer consider work a place where they have the time or luxury to get emotionally involved with others. (For the most part.) If you are there for a really long time some relationships will develop naturally. Then you will learn who you like & connect with, & who you can really trust.

Meanwhile, you've found this website which is a great resource & place where I think you will receive much friendship & support. Here you can be open, honest, share anything & trust. And I am confident that if a troll ever appears the admins would squash them like a bug in two seconds flat!

I wish my nephew could be here with you.

Best wishes to you.

 

[Suzanne]

Oh yes, I relate sooo much to this. Not the exact way, but how we are treated.

I too can see the look of disdain in some one's eyes and if truth be told, always my own sex.

Unfortunately, the invironment dictates how someone reacts. In your retail job, the atmosphere is more a togetherness, because you will have encountered all walks of life and so, in a way, your own personality would be buffered from those of the general public. But desk work is a different ball game and so, your qerks highlighted more and sadly snobbery is the order of the day.

There are two ways to handle this. Change your job, which is what I have always done. Or stick to it and learn. After all, you stayed for 3 years in your other job.

If I could go back, I would have stayed, because running away, has caused me, at 45 to be both, a very angry person and very timid; I do not like myself overly much. Oh I have achieved things to be proud of, but over all, running has served as noose for me.

However, if you find the situation gets worse, perhaps if you find yourself more professional by writing down your thoughts, you could do that and explain that there is discrimination going on there.

 

[Tia Maria]

Oh yes, I relate sooo much to this. Not the exact way, but how we are treated.

I too can see the look of disdain in some one's eyes and if truth be told, always my own sex.

Unfortunately, the invironment dictates how someone reacts. In your retail job, the atmosphere is more a togetherness, because you will have encountered all walks of life and so, in a way, your own personality would be buffered from those of the general public. But desk work is a different ball game and so, your qerks highlighted more and sadly snobbery is the order of the day.

There are two ways to handle this. Change your job, which is what I have always done. Or stick to it and learn. After all, you stayed for 3 years in your other job.

If I could go back, I would have stayed, because running away, has caused me, at 45 to be both, a very angry person and very timid; I do not like myself overly much. Oh I have achieved things to be proud of, but over all, running has served as noose for me.

However, if you find the situation gets worse, perhaps if you find yourself more professional by writing down your thoughts, you could do that and explain that there is discrimination going on there.

Suzanne, I hate to agree, because it seems sexist, & I'm a woman too, but women are the worst! Women can be very hard on other women in these environments. Unfortunate, huh?

 

[Suzanne]

expecting everyone to "like" me.

Oh how this has been me for years. It is now the opposite. I am amazed when I am like, but have gone overboard in that zeal, which leaves me drained

Suzanne, I hate to agree, because it seems sexist, & I'm a woman too, but women are the worst! Women can be very hard on other women in these environments. Unfortunate, huh?

I always thought a exists was related to the opposite sex, not ones own sex lol otherwise, I am the worst sexist. There is a certain type of female that I find difficult to cope with; one that believes herself better than others or looks down at one as if to say: you are not even worthy of cleaning my shoes and I have met too many of those type. Actually I am rather scared of my own sex.

 

[AsheSkyler]

There is a wee difference between blue-collar and white-collar workers. We desk jockeys tend to be a bit more irritable and high-strung than those who have to rely on their bodies more than their mental talents.

And women are totally harsher than men. Men are grabby, women are stabby. I'd rather work with a bunch of agender hermaphrodites.

 

[Tia Maria]

There is a wee difference between blue-collar and white-collar workers. We desk jockeys tend to be a bit more irritable and high-strung than those who have to rely on their bodies more than their mental talents.

And women are totally harsher than men. Men are grabby, women are stabby. I'd rather work with a bunch of agender hermaphrodites.

Agree, & funny!!

 

[MicroWeiss]

Offices are tough. I work with all men typically, and they play a lot of power games. It makes them feel good to never show appreciation and always criticize, other ones may spend all day chatting on the phone or with their buddies in order to show that they are above management, they can't be fired or disciplined. I take work too seriously to sit back and watch alot of guys cheat on their timecards, or if it isn't outright stealing time, they still come in Saturday for overtime and spend 6 out of 8 overtime hours chit chatting. I've only ever seen three guys get fired for directly stealing time by reporting hours on their timecard that they spent outside the office.

The ones who aren't lazy are jerks. Nah, there's actually a lot of good guys. The people around me get pissed off and quit as often as I do, so I don't feel that weird about it.

 

[JCPHN]

I can totally relate. I have made the mistake in the past of being way to social with my coworkers, and ended up feeling pretty disappointed when I realized the sort of games they play, like you mention. I still feel like I don't fit in there, but lately I've sort of learned to take a step back and appreciate the difference between myself and them that determines how they can be sort of socially abrasive. I figure I can have my job at least, and there's actual reasons I don't fit in, even if I think they're sort of trivial. Also, I've learned to realize that there are always other people who feel exactly like you do, at work, so there's no reason to single yourself out. I know it's not a solution of any kind, it's just how I've learned to cope with work environments. If you're a good worker and not a jerk to people, let them judge or backstab you, because that's their little way of doing things and not yours. It sucks, but just be grateful you're not having to keep that mentality up all the time, like most of them are.

 

[Ste11aeres]

There is a wee difference between blue-collar and white-collar workers. We desk jockeys tend to be a bit more irritable and high-strung than those who have to rely on their bodies more than their mental talents.

And women are totally harsher than men. Men are grabby, women are stabby. I'd rather work with a bunch of agender hermaphrodites.

I think lack of exercise makes people irritable and a little nasty.
VOlunteering in an animal shelter, I see all the time what a huge difference exercise makes in a dog's behavior. Human's aren't entirely different.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I think lack of exercise makes people irritable and a little nasty.
VOlunteering in an animal shelter, I see all the time what a huge difference exercise makes in a dog's behavior. Human's aren't entirely different.

Apparently not exercising zaps me entirely of energy and appetite. My husband knew almost the day I started back because I perked up a LOT.

 

[Ste11aeres]

Apparently not exercising zaps me entirely of energy and appetite. My husband knew almost the day I started back because I perked up a LOT.

Yeah, it has opposite effects in terms of energy level on most humans than it does on dogs. Most humans without exercise lose energy, dogs who don't have exercise get a build up of pent-up energy, and start acting crazy.

 

[watersprite]

When I got my first full time job at Home Depot, I made social mistakes, but over the course of almost 3 years, I also made a ton of friends. I gained confidence in my ability to make friends, and felt like a likable person.

Then I got a new job out of financial nessecity. I get the feeling that a lot of people at my new job are annoyed with me, that they don't want to talk to me and it's awful!

I thought I had overcome most of the social barriers that left me literally so alone all of my young life (I was diagnosed with Asperger's/HFA at 24). But this new job has left me depressed and feeling alone again.

Maybe the people at this new place are more snooty (it's a desk job as opposed to retail), and it's just a different atmosphere that makes them less tolerant of some quirk I might have. But seriously, I get people who don't Interact with me look at me with annoyance in their eyes, and I get emails from coworkers telling me that when I drag my feet accidentally, it irritates people. Both situations make me think that people are backstabbing me!

I'm just incredibly sad that I am back at a place where I am blue, alone, and not understanding why I am alone! Please post if you can relate or have advise. Thank you.

I drag my feet unintentionally too. So I relate to that. I've totally and spectacularly failed at office jobs, so I don't have any advice. I wish I did. (Doesn't Home Depot have a pretty good pay scale and retirement?)