I know this sounds weird but... I want to learn how to be more antisocial.

[Harpuia]

I'm tired of my heart breaking in two and having to cry out and act all hypersensitive. I really wish I knew how to be antisocial. Like, how the personality disorder develops so I could get it. It seems the antisocial people around me manage to have a leg up on the competition in life, whether it be the workplace... or even relationships. I've tried to be like the few that I know, but my brain is either too stupid to commit to the idea, or something.

So like, if you have some sort of APD, I was just wondering if it's born, developed. I'm still rather new to this psychological stuff and my appointment isn't until Monday, so I was wondering.

 

[cheetoe80]

It might not help. I'm pretty sure christian weston chandler is a psychopath and I don't think he will ever have sex with a woman who is not a prostitute.

 

[King_Oni]

A fair share of personality disorders develop. With me, they kinda labeled me with Avoidant Personality Disorder, which can be a result of a lot of things, including being picked on in school.

I know, Avoidant PD isn't neccesarily "antisocial"... but I guess at some extent can could be read the same way.

I do know that a so called Antisocial PD does develop early on already. If it doesn't you pretty much processed those events/triggers differently (at least, that's what I think, I'm no psychologist).

In the worst case, and that's what a lot of people do IMO, and more so if I look at the dutch equivalent of so called "white trash" (just to use a familiar stereotype), they're just ignorant, stupid and to some extent lazy. They live in their own trailerpark, they only care for themselves and the others in the park and just in general don't care about whatever rules, laws and stuff is going on anywhere. That's an indication of being antisocial. And to be honest, I can't see you be like that Harpuia, at least not from your posts and participation on this forum so far.

I think what's more important isn't that you need to be more antisocial, you just have to be more rational and not give in to your emotions each and every time. And even being more rational, and thus not really caring for "the people involved" marks you a bit more antisocial, but in fact you're not... you're just more calculated in what you do, why you do it, and when you do it.

But that's just my 2 cents.

 

[Harpuia]

A fair share of personality disorders develop. With me, they kinda labeled me with Avoidant Personality Disorder, which can be a result of a lot of things, including being picked on in school.

I know, Avoidant PD isn't neccesarily "antisocial"... but I guess at some extent can could be read the same way.

I do know that a so called Antisocial PD does develop early on already. If it doesn't you pretty much processed those events/triggers differently (at least, that's what I think, I'm no psychologist).

In the worst case, and that's what a lot of people do IMO, and more so if I look at the dutch equivalent of so called "white trash" (just to use a familiar stereotype), they're just ignorant, stupid and to some extent lazy. They live in their own trailerpark, they only care for themselves and the others in the park and just in general don't care about whatever rules, laws and stuff is going on anywhere. That's an indication of being antisocial. And to be honest, I can't see you be like that Harpuia, at least not from your posts and participation on this forum so far.

I think what's more important isn't that you need to be more antisocial, you just have to be more rational and not give in to your emotions each and every time. And even being more rational, and thus not really caring for "the people involved" marks you a bit more antisocial, but in fact you're not... you're just more calculated in what you do, why you do it, and when you do it.

But that's just my 2 cents.

My psych mentioned I have no emotional filter between certain people and words. Part of that is Aspie, part of this is how I was raised. My parents constantly (and still do) insult me. I'm constantly insulted by other people, just yesterday I was told to go kill myself by someone and I just went off. It seems like people with antisocial don't have to worry about that, but if what you're saying is true, I might never develop such a thing even if I want to try.

 

[arthurfakaya]

I really wish I knew how to be antisocial... It seems the antisocial people around me manage to have a leg up on the competition in life, whether it be the workplace... or even relationships.

I pretty much agree with King_Oni when he says you need to be "more rational and not give in to your emotions". Being antisocial isn't the answer in any shape or form. Anti-social people only appear to be immune to hurt, but I don't believe that is the reality at all. I think they are hurting a great deal, but put on a mask to hide the hurt. They may convince themselves at a conscious level, but subconsciously damage is being done to their psyche, resulting inevitably in neuroses and psychoses.

If I read you correctly, you are sick of putting yourself out there and having your heart/feelings trampled on. I'm not sure there is any such thing as immunity from hurt, however it might be possible to inoculate ourselves: The more times we are hurt, the more experience and strategies we gain to overcome and avoid future hurt.

I think it helps to view the experiencing of hurt as a positive learning experience, rather than as a wholly negative thing. We never experience spiritual growth until we extend ourselves by leaving our comfort zone and hence learn more appropriate strategies.

Whether you believe in it or not, karma still rules our lives. Hard-hearted, anti-social people inevitably bring upon themselves a great deal of suffering - Natures way of telling them that they are taking the wrong approach. Conversely, kind-hearted people will ultimately be rewarded. Listen to Nature and be patient.

 

[Soup]

King Oni made some very good points about getting a grip on runaway emotions. One can't just become anti-social if one isn't anti-social any more than an Aspie can become a NT through practise. What you can do is what I did: excise toxic people from your life. The person who told you to go kill yourself is a good example (please don't take that advice!). I don't care if that person is a sibling: you distance yourself from him. The effects of repeated verbal & emotional abuse are devastating over time & people who perpetuate this type of bullying behaviour select their targets carefully. They can smell your vulnerabilities as surely as a shark smells blood in the water.

Another thing you can do is cultivate yourself. Choose a few solitary pursuits that interest you & delve into them. Learn a new language, take up oil painting, read everything you can find about something that interests you. Knowledge builds confidence & with increased confidence, you'll find yourself less likely to be targeted by trollish people & you'll be better equipped to deflect the emotional abuse you do encounter.

 

[Loomis]

Something I have found to be very effective when someone is being a jerk, is to realize I have the option to respond in the most sincere way I can muster, words delivered in a very kind way. Note, not sarcasticly! For example, He says "Why don't you go and kill yourself." You respond kindly and sincerely: "Thank you for your suggestion, I will consider your advice." Then calmly leave. The NTs don't know what to make of it. A very good therapist taught me this many years ago and I have used it with great effect. Contrawise, if this person is a constant jerk to you: always respond to their jerkiness with sincere kindness and if they. at some point. are kind to you, then you become the jerk and say something with a negative presentation, anger, sarcasm, sternness whatever. What you are doing is an anti-social behavior to a person who needs to be treated this way because they are bullying you. You are f***ing with their mind and confusing them and this is good. They need to be taught you will not allow them to bully you.