How to know if an aspie guy is into you?

[redrose]

Hello, I'm interested in a guy who has AS and really like to know how can a girl tell if he is romantically interested too. We've been texting for about half a year now. In the beginning I felt sorry for him as he was bullied and can't seem to defend himself. He is very shy and quiet most of the time. I reached out to him just so he don't feel so alone and later found out he is on the autism spectrum. We often see each other and talk 5-6 times a week. I was surprise what a delightful person he turns out to be and we actually share some interests in video games, history and music.

For the first 3 weeks I had to start conversations first as he was very shy. Then later we took turns. He started to open up a bit and talks a lot about his family and daily routines. A few months back he seems to be the one initiating contact all the time, he seems to care for me in his own way & I feel a deep appreciation. For example he would held the door open for me, wait for my lunch to arrive before he eats his, even offers to car pool, he would asks me how was my day, did I have a good lunch, what I thought about certain things, would not hesitant to help me if I needed anything, he would even compliment me. And his compliments never fail to touch me deeply as most guys would be complimenting something on the surface like "dress looks good on you" or "you look pretty" "sweet girl".

Sometimes he does get carried away talking about tech/cars which I'm too interested but he always stops himself and asks if he is not being annoying/not talking my ear off. Even when he doesn't really know what to talk to about he still says hello. Usually he has difficulty making eye contact but he does try to look me in the eye for as long as he can. When I'm happy he would catch my eyes from across the room and smile with me as if he shares my happiness. I even caught him looking at me when he thought I wasn't looking and when I look back he would quickly look away.

It seems like he's into me and the feeling is mutual till he one day asked me a hypothetical question which goes something like "If in the near future a guy wants to ask this girl to be his girlfriend and he wants to get a gift for her what is the most suitable gift?" I was so curious I asked him why? He just said he wanted to know my honest answer. I picked one and asked him again to tell me the reason. Then he told me he wanted to ask another girl to be his girlfriend. I was so crushed but I wanted to know more like how come I never heard of this girl till now. He told me they have been texting 1-2 times a week for a year. And he knew 3-4 very general and basic things about her.

Seems very suspicious but I can't tell if he is lying as most of the time he has been a very open & honest person. He doesn't seem like he wants to go on talking about her, he changed the subject. What do you all think? I try looking for signs how to tell an aspie is into you. I don't want to ask him just yet as I'm afraid it may ruin our friendship right now.

Any feedback is much appreciated.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

What do you all think? I try looking for signs how to tell an aspie is into you

Does he like paragraphs?

 

[Bolletje]

Pretty much the same as with a non-Aspie: if you’re not sure whether they like you, you’ll either have to summon the courage to ask them, or quietly pine for them and hope they’ll profess their love for you spontaneously.

 

[DCA]

I think the best thing to do is to outright ask him if he is interested.

 

[Tom]

Sorry, there is no way to tell if he is lying. Aspies aren't completely alien species and do lie and share all the foibles of NTs (neurotypicals) though it may not present so clearly. Time will tell.

 

[Oodee]

It's always scary when you have feelings for someone and don't know how they feel about you. I think this is universal and it doesn't matter are the people in question auties on NTs, it's always as hard. My advice would be the same as some others, just ask him.
A while back I reconnected with the guy I'm now dating. We have known each other for few years and have hooked up before, but then we both dated other people and I had my daughter and we just said hi when we saw. One night we both were in a bar and then we went to my place and all of it was really nice. But then I didn't hear from him for few days even if he told me he would take contact. So of course I thought that he's just not into me. Then one night I saw a stray dog and put her photo on facebook, and what do you know, it was this guys fathers dog. So I thought that this must be fate and sended him a text asking what breed was the dog. And now we have dated for 3 months. I asked him why didn't he contact me and he said that he wanted to play things cool. I don't know who came up with that nonsense that a guy must wait x amount of days before they message a girl. I truly just thought that he wasn't interested.
He shows his feelings a lot by actions. If I understand correctly, this is pretty common with aspies. So if I were in your shoes I would totally think that he has feelings for you. Sorry my post is mostly off topic. I wish you can find the courage to ask him straight up about things and I also hope that the answer is the one you want it to be

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

there were a few girls from high school who seemed to have been into me.one just looked at me with her own eyes.prior to that,there was another after a few joke-arounds,we ended up hugging.then after that,she & my mother met on the day of my 15th birthday & again on my graduation day.and at my 4th high school,one girl calls me her boyfriend,another calls me her "best friend (potentially more than that,then i saw her on the news afterwards) & then another calls me cute (little did she know,i was into her friend).also prior to that one of two girls & two boys calls me "an alien" (not of this world/planet like every other aspie like me) & the rest was history.now i'm focusing on girls & women my age,while avoiding them like a ninja,based on how severely awkward i appear to them upon eye-contact & comparing them to "exchange deals" (potential encounters like these gone bad) like i would've done all the way back in high-school.i also do that to certain ones on a subway train & getting off of one.who knows what they would do or say to me upon eye-contact if that ever happened.i'd come prepared (use a vintage tape recorder with ninja stuff,along with fighting game music on it & put it on listening to it,while taking my eyes off of them.(sorry if the reply is this long).

 

[redrose]

Does he like paragraphs?

What do you mean? I'm not so sure.

 

[SusanLR]

If he likes talking about his personal experiences, interests, goals and opens up on special interests that
he admits he feels he can share with you. Good start.
If he says nice things and acts happy about it, not just polite, such as: we've got a connection.
You're the sweetest person on Earth. Compliments that especially an Aspie would not say to just anyone.
And touching. Even a good, long hug. Watch for little extras like a kiss on the cheek to start with and
leaning his head against yours as he hugs. More than just friendly.
Touching is a big deal with Aspies and has meaning.

Blunt, open honesty is too.
Asking what to give another girl he likes can be typical.
The one I'm seeing has another girlfriend and he calls her that.
She wants marriage, he doesn't. He then ask me if a no marriage relationship was OK.
Is he asking my advice or thinking about us? Don't really know.
I said yes. Big holding onto hug from him then.
Personally I don't mind if a guy I'm into is seeing other women as long as they are open about it.
I've done the same in the past. Dating several guys at the same time.
Most don't like it and will force a choice. Some are like me, as long as we both know how the other feels.

My guess is he's into you, but, not into the "There can be only ONE " stage.

 

[Joel's Hear]

Does he like paragraphs?

?????????????!!

 

[redrose]

If he likes talking about his personal experiences, interests, goals and opens up on special interests that
he admits he feels he can share with you. Good start.

Thank you. I think I agree with most of what you said. I do think he is into me but not quite ready yet to suggest any sort of commitment. Yes he shares a lot and consistently about his special interests, future/dreams and experiences. He doesn't share all these things with anyone and for him to do so with me means something. So far no touching but he's always nearby. For example when we're with other people he would sit next to me or stand some where close.

 

[redrose]

He shows his feelings a lot by actions. If I understand correctly, this is pretty common with aspies. So if I were in your shoes I would totally think that he has feelings for you. Sorry my post is mostly off topic. I wish you can find the courage to ask him straight up about things and I also hope that the answer is the one you want it to be

It's alright. Thank you for sharing your experience as well. I shall give some time maybe a month or two more to see how things progress.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

What do you mean? I'm not so sure.

You edited your original post to include paragraphs after I posted this.

So what is it you didn't understand?

 

[Mr Allen]

Sometimes, if he likes you, *ahem* like that, he'll bombard your inbox on Facebook with messages of adoration.

I once got into a bit of bother doing that, there was a girl at work I liked called Rachel, she was 22, I was 35, and she had a rather jealous, possessive Boyfriend who sent me threatening messages to "warn me off".

It would never have worked between us anyway, she was a Big Brother fan