Hi, new here, someone close to me as suggested I might be an Aspie?

[Sparky77]

Hello to all, up until recently I didn't have a clue what Aspergers was. My boyfriends father and boyfriend believe that I have Aspergers even though they do not know anyone with the condition, they have read about it and think it describes me. I am very unsure as to whether I do or don't, I have taken various tests online and would appreciate any input from anyone.

I have done IQ tests in the past and scored between 125 and 135, my EQ was low and suggested that Aspergers would be likely, I find it difficult to empathize with others and relate to people. I did the Aspie quiz and it said 'you seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits'. My neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 103 of 200
and my neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 99 of 200. I did some facial tests, I had a go at guessing celebrity faces and got 96 percent but in another test I scored 9 out of 20 with 4 possible answers as to guessing the emotions in a face.

I researched my family history and people were stunned when I could tell them off hand every single date of birth and date of marriage in the family tree which must have been closer to 1,000 dates. I have been told that I am a little clumsy. I am double jointed and read that is linked to Hypotonia which again is linked to Aspergers. I have so many Aspie traits but many that I do not have also. I am also often told that I can be very blunt, I often offend people and I do not understand why? I am not so interested in forming friendships and have few friends. I would say that often I will notice a pattern in something.

I do not suffer with sensory overload and I am not very sensitive, loud noise bothers me no more than the next person and I am not a fussy eater. I don't like bright lights but then neither do many people without any condition. Also I have good eye contact and also I have read that so many Aspies do not understand different humour but when someone makes a joke, I may not find it funny but can more often than not see where the joke is and my humour is generally dry but conventional.

I can be repetitive in the sense I often listen to the same song 20 times over and play a game where I am just clicking multiple times but other than that generally I am just normal.

I have been told it will cost me a lot of money to get a professional diagnosis and just wondering if I should, I mean if I do not have it then it is an awful waste of money. I have also wondered if someone in my family may have it because I have also read that sometimes being close to someone then there traits can rub off on you even though you are not on the Autism spectrum yourself? One of my parents I would say displays some of the traits. Also I have read that abuse during childhood can cause certain social difficulties. My parents split when I was 3 and my mother met someone else that beat the crap out of me on a regular basis for a year which caused me a lot of trama, I don't expect any empathy just that when I was an outsider at school then I felt it was because I had experienced so many problems at home?

Any help or other people's view points on this would be greatly appreciated thank you or would be interested in anyone's story who was in a similar position?

 

[Tarragon]

Hi there and welcome to AC

My first thought is, what is your gut feeling about this? Does it click with you reading about it? There is a huge diversity of people with ASD, and no two people are the same. As for the cost of diagnosis, is it affecting your life negatively? How about work? Put it into that sort of context and a diagnosis is far cheaper than several failed jobs and relationships etc...

 

[Nitro]

Welcome to AC
Use the reference materials here outside the forum to study the spectrum a bit
You will find friendly help here and in the end,it is you who should choose to have or not have a diagnosis for any reason
As Tarragon stated,there are no set rules that autism follows and no stigma here at AC for self diagnosis

I hope you find what you seek

 

[Judge]

Any help or other people's view points on this would be greatly appreciated thank you or would be interested in anyone's story who was in a similar position?

Welcome to AC. Hmmm....interesting in that your test results seem awfully mild overall. I'm undiagnosed as well, yet I have utterly no question that I am autistic, and have somewhat different test results which may reflect it. And yet in my own case I consider myself "mild" in terms of having ASD and being able to pass for Neurotypical in faking some of their behaviors for many years.

Do you have any comorbid factors that might be associated with ASD, such as major depression or OCD? (I have both, formally diagnosed many years ago.)

As Tarragon mentioned, I'd think about how your perceived condition has negatively impacted your life in terms of all kinds of socialization and possibly social anxiety. Perhaps while you note your own symptoms, they may not add up to anything profound and worthy of an expensive diagnosis regardless of whether or not you actually have ASD.

I suppose the ultimate question is whether or not you consider this to be any kind of real issue in your life.

 

[Sparky77]

Hi many thanks to all of you for your comments.

As to my gut feeling then I do not have one, I do not even think I know myself. I do not trust these tests that ask me to evaluate myself. Sometimes these tests ask you the same question but just in a different form and I can see what it is trying to do. I have had many different results for my IQ with one telling me it was 112 to another saying my IQ was 145 and that is a big difference. I was bullied at school and people thought I was weird but when I left I just put it down to the fact that I'd had some trouble at home and once people form an opinion of you then it is hard to change that. I have had years to get my act together, I even went to drama school when I was in my teens, I found it easier to pretend to be someone else and just watch what other people do.

I say to people what is normal? There is no definition of normal like say if you go to Africa where tribal people live they would look at the way we live and think we are weird. I am quite unconventional, I reached the stage where when some people got offended by my bluntness and I took a zero tolerance approach to that, I just tell them I am not interested in drama and that they should look elsewhere. You can be the nicest person in the world and still someone will not like you.

There are other things like I do not have a set writing style and sometimes my handwriting is poor and I have about 5 different styles. I have been told my mind wanders also I get enthusiastic about something and then go off it quickly. I have read these are also associated and people say that things are quite black and white with me.

I have had about 40 different jobs to be fair. I usually prefer working on my own. I am also quite good at writing poetry and been told some of my work is good enough to be published.

In answer to 'Judge', yes I have had depression more than once but then I put that down to my family issues, I have now not seen my mother for 3 years because this her third husband well he doesn't want me around there either and she is very gullible, she also goes to a very strong church where you have to give up so much of your earnings and do certain things.

I have even wondered about my dad, whenever someone tells him a joke he just doesn't get it at all and he almost gets offended, he says himself he's got a weird sense of humour and laughs at the wrong times and he always tells me most of the people you meet in life are not nice and that he can't cope with them. Plus they called him lurch because of his awkward posture, just thought I would mention so.

Can I ask what the process for diagnosis actually is? Do they just get you doing tests to evaluate yourself or is it different? Can you get diagnosed for hypotonia and can a physician diagnose you for Aspergers as I read that is what Susan Boyle did?

 

[Salmongirl17]

Hello and Welcome!!

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome

I also listen to the same song on cycle, haha. Some Aspies may not feel sensory overloads with certain aspects, but can have the opposite affect, where they crave senses (for example, craving the soft touch of silky bed sheets, or the smell of citrus).

It's defiantly up to you as to whether you feel you would benefit from a diagnoses, but if you feel you wouldn't, and would rather not spend the money, my advise would be to save it. You can always change your mind later I suppose.

If you're keen on learning more about it, this is defiantly a great place to do just that. Everyone is friendly, and helpful, so feel free to ask questions. We've also got a great recommended resources section, for books you can look in to:
Resources | AspiesCentral.com

 

[Sparky77]

Well thank you for that Vanilla, I have been around the site and I think that Aspies are some really brilliant, friendly and obviously talented people.

I have thought a lot about the sensory overload issue, this is something that I do not suffer with. When you mention about say the craving of soft silky bed sheets well that is a pleasant feeling but then I still could not say for sure, many people like the comfort of a cosy bed for instance. My grandmother who was obviously not on the spectrum had a wool allergy, made her itch and I don't particular like wool myself either.

The more I think about it and read then I think that my father is on the autism spectrum, I do care about him as he is my father but he does have difficulties, my Uncle believed that he was bi-polar but he knows and understands nothing about autism, previously I thought not because he struggles with his English but I have read that many people can have both autism and dyslexia. But I could not tell him what I thought because he would get upset, he as terrible difficulty in social circumstances and he finds it hard to make sense of the world and I have observed that he can be very fussy and particular around food and the light. It seems wrong me saying this and do care about him and would want to help him but couldn't.

As me for well that is 50/50, I have wondered maybe I could have an initial chat with someone who is use to dealing with those on the spectrum. NT people cannot remember dates like I can and they do not normally listen to the same song over and over or they are not blunt in the way I am. But I have also thought 'if I have a father on the spectrum who as played a big part in my life, then it's possible I have copied his behaviour in the developing stages of my life without me being on the spectrum myself'. I hope I can say that but I am entirely undecided as to whether I am or not.

Thank you to everyone for commenting and helping me gain this insight and what a great bunch of people you are!

 

[Vanilla]

Well thank you for that Vanilla, I have been around the site and I think that Aspies are some really brilliant, friendly and obviously talented people.

I have thought a lot about the sensory overload issue, this is something that I do not suffer with. When you mention about say the craving of soft silky bed sheets well that is a pleasant feeling but then I still could not say for sure, many people like the comfort of a cosy bed for instance. My grandmother who was obviously not on the spectrum had a wool allergy, made her itch and I don't particular like wool myself either.

The more I think about it and read then I think that my father is on the autism spectrum, I do care about him as he is my father but he does have difficulties, my Uncle believed that he was bi-polar but he knows and understands nothing about autism, previously I thought not because he struggles with his English but I have read that many people can have both autism and dyslexia. But I could not tell him what I thought because he would get upset, he as terrible difficulty in social circumstances and he finds it hard to make sense of the world and I have observed that he can be very fussy and particular around food and the light. It seems wrong me saying this and do care about him and would want to help him but couldn't.

As me for well that is 50/50, I have wondered maybe I could have an initial chat with someone who is use to dealing with those on the spectrum. NT people cannot remember dates like I can and they do not normally listen to the same song over and over or they are not blunt in the way I am. But I have also thought 'if I have a father on the spectrum who as played a big part in my life, then it's possible I have copied his behaviour in the developing stages of my life without me being on the spectrum myself'. I hope I can say that but I am entirely undecided as to whether I am or not.

Thank you to everyone for commenting and helping me gain this insight and what a great bunch of people you are!

It can be possible to copy the behaviours of AS. I know a few people myself who have grown up with someone on the spectrum, and almost appear as if they were themselves, until you dig a little deeper. Also, keep in mind that there is in fact a spectrum, so some forms are milder than others, and it affects men and women differently (more so than you would think).

 

[Judge]

It can be possible to copy the behaviours of AS. I know a few people myself who have grown up with someone on the spectrum, and almost appear as if they were themselves, until you dig a little deeper.

To inherently mimic Aspie behaviors and traits, and yet not actually be one in the neurological sense. Very interesting thought!

 

[Sparky77]

Thank you for your insight, I am definitely going to get myself checked, we will never know either way. My dad as had such a hard time, he did go to the pub occasionally but often sat on his own in the corner but there was a few that would make an effort to talk to him being in a rural area people go to the same pub all the time and all know each other. They got him to write the questions for the quiz once and just every single question was about his 'special interest', there was one team that got most of the questions right because one of the persons involved shared his hobby but the other teams only got 2-4 of the questions right. I was with him today but we did not talk about this but he was talking to me and looking away and I said to him 'I notice you seem to look away whilst talking to me', and he just said sorry but still did it, I just thought I'd bring it to his attention. I have to explain things to him like he cannot see the point of a joke, he said that whenever anyone tells him anything he writes it down, he as a job but he works as a long distance lorry driver so he is on his own on the road for long periods of time.

What does that sound like to you? You seem to communicate much better than he does and come across very well, I am surprised at how friendly people are on this site.

 

[Vanilla]

Thank you for your insight, I am definitely going to get myself checked, we will never know either way. My dad as had such a hard time, he did go to the pub occasionally but often sat on his own in the corner but there was a few that would make an effort to talk to him being in a rural area people go to the same pub all the time and all know each other. They got him to write the questions for the quiz once and just every single question was about his 'special interest', there was one team that got most of the questions right because one of the persons involved shared his hobby but the other teams only got 2-4 of the questions right. I was with him today but we did not talk about this but he was talking to me and looking away and I said to him 'I notice you seem to look away whilst talking to me', and he just said sorry but still did it, I just thought I'd bring it to his attention. I have to explain things to him like he cannot see the point of a joke, he said that whenever anyone tells him anything he writes it down, he as a job but he works as a long distance lorry driver so he is on his own on the road for long periods of time.

What does that sound like to you? You seem to communicate much better than he does and come across very well, I am surprised at how friendly people are on this site.

I'm a little more outgoing, when compared to some other Aspies, but am still a recluse by nuerotypical standards. Many of our members are quite friendly, because for some, this place has become their second home. For many, this is one of the few places they can be their true selves, or can talk about AS, and some are happy to finally have others they can talk to, who think as they do

Regarding your dad, it's hard to say without meeting him, but he does seem to display some very typical behaviours. I suppose it would be easier to know if he were able to bring his opinion in to the equation as well, which of course would mean telling him.

 

[Vanilla]

To inherently mimic Aspie behaviors and traits, and yet not actually be one in the neurological sense. Very interesting thought!

It's pretty interesting, definitely. I suppose it's only natural, as Aspies can mimic NTs as well

 

[Sparky77]

Hi thank you for your responses , I am not discounting the fact that I may have it, been thinking best thing to do is at least speak to someone who as had experience and ask for their opinion before paying a large sum for a diagnosis. I am sure that there are people that would tell me if they were pretty sure that I didn't and must have some idea.

A member at work today said to me that he liked working with me because I am non judgemental, he classes himself as eccentric. I know already that some here don't leave the house and I think it is very sad, a lot of it is because some people in society are ignorant and not accepting of other's different to them. Many people in life bully other's because of their own insecurities.

I cannot tell my dad what I think, he would probably take it the wrong way and let's face it he as lived him whole life being the way he is, it would be a massive shock. Maybe I could be more subtle in the sense to just make him aware of his differences and make him think more of it and gradually or maybe my Uncle could also say a few words. BUT then he is not likely to change so I also think how would this change his life for the better? But then he thinks the world is at fault, he sang this song at the karoke and everyone was laughing at him but he couldn't see it and thought he was good and some people told him he was good but then they were taking the micky. I am sure you will appreciate it is very difficult.

I would be interested in knowing though more about how other's found out later on in life and how they dealt with that.

 

[Vanilla]

Hi thank you for your responses , I am not discounting the fact that I may have it, been thinking best thing to do is at least speak to someone who as had experience and ask for their opinion before paying a large sum for a diagnosis. I am sure that there are people that would tell me if they were pretty sure that I didn't and must have some idea.

A member at work today said to me that he liked working with me because I am non judgemental, he classes himself as eccentric. I know already that some here don't leave the house and I think it is very sad, a lot of it is because some people in society are ignorant and not accepting of other's different to them. Many people in life bully other's because of their own insecurities.

I cannot tell my dad what I think, he would probably take it the wrong way and let's face it he as lived him whole life being the way he is, it would be a massive shock. Maybe I could be more subtle in the sense to just make him aware of his differences and make him think more of it and gradually or maybe my Uncle could also say a few words. BUT then he is not likely to change so I also think how would this change his life for the better? But then he thinks the world is at fault, he sang this song at the karoke and everyone was laughing at him but he couldn't see it and thought he was good and some people told him he was good but then they were taking the micky. I am sure you will appreciate it is very difficult.

I would be interested in knowing though more about how other's found out later on in life and how they dealt with that.

Yes, I personally don't like to consider ASD as a disability, but one of our challenges is definitely that we aren't always well received. It is quite sad, as at times that factor alone could be the key difference in whether our living situation is a good or bad one. I myself face this issue on a daily basis, and I'm sure there are many others here who'll agree they do too.

You'll find as well that the more you learn, the more you'll learn to spot others who are like-minded, and will understand why you 'click' better with some people, more so than others; perhaps like your work friend. Of course, if you feel your dad won't benefit from it, or that it may upset him, perhaps it's best to leave it for now. I'd recommend getting to know AS more intimately first anyway, as it's best to have answers, rather than questions, when sharing with other people (outside of this forum of course).

I beleive there are a few threads already, where people share their experiences with a late diagnoses. If you browse through here, or do a search, you may stumble across a few, such as this one:
For those diagnosed late | AspiesCentral.com

I've got my own blog post, which explains my own experience, should you wish to read that.

Blog (scroll down to the bottom to see the first post): Vanilla's blog | AspiesCentral.com

 

[Sparky77]

Hi, you have been a great help. I hate to class it as a disability myself, I mean people on the spectrum can perform very well, have good jobs, get married and have children and in fact are more intelligent than the general population with no condition at all. This is what I think, is it not actually the condition but people's responses because I very much doubt that people on the Spectrum would be as socially awkward if everyone was warm, kind and friendly. There are 3 different responses apparently when you tell someone they might have this condition, I will let you know how I get on. If you need a friend or just someone to talk to then let me know!

 

[Vanilla]

Hi, you have been a great help. I hate to class it as a disability myself, I mean people on the spectrum can perform very well, have good jobs, get married and have children and in fact are more intelligent than the general population with no condition at all. This is what I think, is it not actually the condition but people's responses because I very much doubt that people on the Spectrum would be as socially awkward if everyone was warm, kind and friendly. There are 3 different responses apparently when you tell someone they might have this condition, I will let you know how I get on. If you need a friend or just someone to talk to then let me know!

Glad to help. I'm usually around if you do want to talk. Just keep in mind my responses aren't always immediate, as I am also a student outside of this forum