Hi. I've got a question about Aspies and emotions.

[Aspiedad]

Hi, my name is Tom, and my daughter is being screened for Asperger's. She is 35 years old. She has asked me to research a very specific question to help her understand AS. She wants to know if Aspies see other people's emotional expressions as repetitive. Can anyone provide some insight on this?

Please let me know if this is not the right place to ask a question like this. Thanks.

 

[Suzanne]

Hi Tom and very much welcome to this amazing forum.

I have never considered it before, but since I am told that my emotions are constantly changing, then perhaps, indeed nts are more repetitive or to put another way: more concrete; more predictable.

As for the right place to pose this question, since it is to introduce one's self, then, no it isn't the right place, but hey, so what lol. As long as you get answers, that is all that matters and our moderators will soon decided if it should be moved.

 

[Tom]

Its hard to say because I am not sure exactly how she means it. Perhaps she can ask the question herself here.

She may mean it in the sense that she does not feel the need to express emotions so frequently or for minor things, or saying things more then once.

People on the spectrum can have a different way of handling emotions. For lack of better terms some are frugal and do not overly express things in the social way that NTs (neurotypicals) do.

For instance, an extreme example would be someone (an Aspie) telling their spouse (a NT) they loved them when they got married and never since. The NT would probably feel hurt because of the lack of emotional reinforcement. The Aspie feels it unnecessary because it never changed and therefore it still stands.

But there are other interpretations based on what she means. So perhaps you can suggest she join a forum like this. You did however stumble on the best one.

 

[Greg]

I am unable to read most peoples emotions most of the time and a lot of the time feel no compasion for what they are going through and can't empathize with them. Not all the time but most of the time.

 

[Lealea]

I think most aspies have problems displaying and/or reading emotions, me I struggle with both. It's one of the main traits of aspergers.

 

[Judge]

Not sure about "repetitive" emotions in the most literal sense. Limited, reserved emotions are something I can relate to, at least in terms of how we may appear. However equally how we may appear on the outside at a particular moment isn't necessarily indicative of what we truly feel on the inside.

Just as some of us may have varying abilities to project empathy, while sometimes it's mistaken for a lack of empathy.

 

[EdR]

I am unable to read most peoples emotions most of the time and a lot of the time feel no compassion for what they are going through and can't empathize with them. Not all the time but most of the time.

My experiences are exactly the same as Greg's.

My primary goal is to be more likable and my therapist gave me a task to observe the body language of others who are easily likable. I tried for two weeks and did not spot a single identifiable mannerism. This failure is not lack of observational skills, I am a top notch engineer and I see things that few others can. (I can see order and logic in complex situations where others see nothing but static and white noise.) This is our blind spot and likely the defining characteristic of an aspie.

 

[Aspiedad]

Thank you all for your responses, my daughter really appreciates your input. She's in a hospital right now, so she can't take part in this forum directly. She will soon be released into an independent living situation, and she currently being screened for AS, so she's trying to get a better idea of what AS is.

I think maybe she tends to see a lot of emotional expressions and terms of endearment that people use as habitual or even ritualistic gestures rather than true expressions of feelings. When she says repetitive, I think maybe it just strikes her that she sees it over and over that people use words and gestures that express emotion, and yet there's little or no actual emotion behind the words.

 

[kris]

I am unable to read most peoples emotions most of the time and a lot of the time feel no compasion for what they are going through and can't empathize with them. Not all the time but most of the time.

This is my experience, too. I think my own responses to people are repetitive.. For example, if someone says someone has died, I'll automatically say "I'm sorry for your loss" but I don't feel anything. Unless that person is close to me. So I guess it makes it me that uses the same words and gestures with little or no emotion behind them.

I'm not sure if I'd see other people's emotions as repetitive because I usually can't read them other than basic things like anger or sadness.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I think maybe she tends to see a lot of emotional expressions and terms of endearment that people use as habitual or even ritualistic gestures rather than true expressions of feelings. When she says repetitive, I think maybe it just strikes her that she sees it over and over that people use words and gestures that express emotion, and yet there's little or no actual emotion behind the words.

Yes, I agree with this. In my mind, I use the term "cliche". It all seems so cliche to me, that everyone is just following the social scripts without even realizing that's what they're doing. They're so "in the moment" that they don't see how they've said the same thing in nearly identical situations hundreds of times before. It's so rare to find someone who will express original thoughts...who will engage in the conversation deeply enough to say something out of a genuine connection with the idea or situation rather than spouting cliches, pat answers, and patronizing denials of reality.

 

[kris]

I just thought of something else.. aspies are notoriously good at spotting patterns. Your daughter might just be really good as spotting the social ones... I'm not because I tend to not pay attention to people any more than I have to.

 

[Judge]

I just thought of something else.. aspies are notoriously good at spotting patterns. Your daughter might just be really good as spotting the social ones... I'm not because I tend to not pay attention to people any more than I have to.

Good point. I'm one of those Aspies who can spot patterns.

However like you, when it comes to people and conversation there's kind of a "disconnect" for me. Much like multitasking. I can do a number of complex things at the same time, as long as it doesn't involve real-time communication with another person.

Yet in reading so many posts here, there remains a wide variety of Aspies whose talents may or may not be limited in such a way. Lots of variables in the amplitude of traits and behaviors. It's what can make us quite a diverse and fascinating lot.

 

[DogwoodTree]

Much like multitasking. I can do a number of complex things at the same time, as long as it doesn't involve real-time communication with another person.

A bit OT, but this is very well said...nails a distinction I've been trying to work out for a while, thx. I knew I could multitask well, but can't stand interruptions and this really helps me understand why.

 

[Judge]

A bit OT, but this is very well said...nails a distinction I've been trying to work out for a while, thx. I knew I could multitask well, but can't stand interruptions and this really helps me understand why.

It's weird. You really discover how complex the human brain is when you can do numerous quantitative forms of analysis in the same time frame, yet when you try to engage into a two-way communication it all becomes rubbish.

Yeah...it really hit me when I discovered this right here some months ago. Someone commented on why I couldn't come to chat...all while I was perusing the board, listening to CNBC on tv, and monitoring four stocks at the same time. I've realized that engaging in real-time chat even here...requires my complete attention.

And yet at work I used to occasionally notice one guy who seem perfectly at home with carrying on multiple conversations in as many directions. Go figure!

 

[Greg]

My experiences are exactly the same as Greg's.

My primary goal is to be more likable and my therapist gave me a task to observe the body language of others who are easily likable. I tried for two weeks and did not spot a single identifiable mannerism. This failure is not lack of observational skills, I am a top notch engineer and I see things that few others can. (I can see order and logic in complex situations where others see nothing but static and white noise.) This is our blind spot and likely the defining characteristic of an aspie.

I am the same way. If it logically makes since then I am good.

 

[Greg]

This is my experience, too. I think my own responses to people are repetitive.. For example, if someone says someone has died, I'll automatically say "I'm sorry for your loss" but I don't feel anything. Unless that person is close to me. So I guess it makes it me that uses the same words and gestures with little or no emotion behind them.

I'm not sure if I'd see other people's emotions as repetitive because I usually can't read them other than basic things like anger or sadness.

Why is it that we are unable to read facial expressions or body language. It doesn't make sense to me at all. When someone says something I take them for what they are literally saying. I don't get sarcasm most of the time. Sometimes I do.

 

[kris]

Why is it that we are unable to read facial expressions or body language. It doesn't make sense to me at all. When someone says something I take them for what they are literally saying. I don't get sarcasm most of the time. Sometimes I do.

I actually read about this somewhere. Part of the reason is that while other children are spending time looking at eyes, we are looking at parts of faces or staring off into the distance. We are completely missing vital communication information in people's faces as we grow up because we just aren't looking. Honestly, until I learned about the autism spectrum, I had no idea I *should* look at people's eyes.. I'd look at foreheads and noses or an earring or stare off just beyond people's shoulder when they'd talk to me. But looking back, now it makes sense why my step dad would always get mad and yell "look at me when I'm talking to you" or why I got in trouble so much as a kid for lying when I wasn't lying at all. I try and look at people's eyes now, but I just end up staring... and I still can't "read" anything there. Have you taken that test with the eyes/emotions, Greg? I think it was the most uncomfortable test I've ever taken but I made myself finish because I wanted to know my score.. I did way way worse than I would have just guessing answers..I think I got like 10% right. Well into the autism range.

I definitely take things literally and only notice this when people call me out on it.. like if they follow up by directly telling me they were joking. At which point, I will understand the joke and laugh. I get sarcasm only when I know a person well. I tend to use a lot of sarcasm myself, but nobody ever gets it so I'm pretty sure my humour is off.

 

[Judge]

I definitely take things literally and only notice this when people call me out on it.. like if they follow up by directly telling me they were joking. At which point, I will understand the joke and laugh. I get sarcasm only when I know a person well. I tend to use a lot of sarcasm myself, but nobody ever gets it so I'm pretty sure my humour is off.

Interesting. It's "hit-or miss" with me for the most part. Sometimes taking things in literally, and sometimes not. With sarcasm, I simply can't process it on an incoming basis. Yet I can dish it out. I baffle myself to no avail.

One thing I will say though. Since becoming self-aware of being on the spectrum, I came to the conclusion that it's not in my best interest to output any sarcasm, since I cannot process the incoming variety. So it's another one of my "work-in-progress" issues. Not they I want to or can limit the sarcasm of others, mind you. I just think in my case it's just not in my own best interest to personally "foster" sarcasm as it may come back at me with the usual unintended consequences.

I just look back and kind shake my head at myself, realizing that these were some social dynamics I never gave any thought to before becoming self-aware.

 

[kris]

I just look back and kind shake my head at myself, realizing that these were some social dynamics I never gave any thought to before becoming self-aware.

Right?! I think my social skills are much improved since becoming self aware.. at least for short amounts of time.. I don't monologue at social events (or at least I try not to and stop myself when I think I've been talking too long). But I'm constantly trying to process these new (to me) social dynamics. And also aware that there's probably a lot I'm still missing.

 

[Judge]

And also aware that there's probably a lot I'm still missing.

Such a good point to be made. The unknown. Yet I feel optimistic that it's possible for me to learn about such things as I have so many others which frankly eluded me most of my life. From right here at Aspie Central.