hi, i think i married an aspie...

[scarlett]

Hi all,
Im here because i think i married someone with aspergers. Is anyone else here for the same reason?

 

[Joel I]

Hi Scarlett, I just found out I'm a aspie and am engaged. Not the same thing but close. Welcome anyway

 

[Warwick C]

Welcome Scarlett, the members are a mixture of both. You will learn more about aspergers here and ways to help your partner. We aim to support all in need, through enlightenment.

 

[scarlett]

Hi Scarlett, I just found out I'm a aspie and am engaged. Not the same thing but close. Welcome anyway

How did you find out you are (if you dont mind me asking) and congratulations!! Have you set a date?

 

[Manuheleku]

I'm the Aspie and my wife is an NT. She is very understanding and listens. She also is quite independent and able to socialize on her own and doesn't expect me to join in the socializing. Another thing, our son is also an Aspie so she has to deal with 2 of us! All her life she has been a big reader, especially self help books. So, she has read a lot of books about Asperger’s and is very good at dealing with us. I would suggest that you read up on it and remember, most important, you are not going to convert him into an NT, the love of socializing will never be a thing he'll achieve. Possibly he'll tolerate it on occasion, but won't ever enjoy it.

 

[Joel I]

I was told it was a possibility from my psychologist then waited to se the Acute Mental Heath Team who have psychiatrists who can diagnose. We set a hopeful date of 20th June 2015. We are not sure whether it will be legal by then.

 

[Peace]

I'm the Aspie and my wife is an NT. She is very understanding and listens. She also is quite independent and able to socialize on her own and doesn't expect me to join in the socializing. Another thing, our son is also an Aspie so she has to deal with 2 of us! All her life she has been a big reader, especially self help books. So, she has read a lot of books about Asperger’s and is very good at dealing with us. I would suggest that you read up on it and remember, most important, you are not going to convert him into an NT, the love of socializing will never be a thing he'll achieve. Possibly he'll tolerate it on occasion, but won't ever enjoy it.

We are not all the same, I love to socialize. Too much if anything. We will all have different experiences, and thus the "Spectrum".

 

[Manuheleku]

We are not all the same, I love to socialize. Too much if anything. We will all have different experiences, and thus the "Spectrum".

That's true, you know what they say, "if you met one Aspie, you met one Aspie!"

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome Scarlett

Perhaps if you share your situation with us a bit more, we can learn how we might be able to help you.

 

[Salmongirl17]

Welcome!

 

[ringadingding]

hi, I am actually on here for a similar reason. I have recently started dating a guy and starting to wonder if he is an Aspie...and wondering if I could get a little help or insight from people on here, as to whether I am on the right or wrong track, and how to talk to him about it...

I don't know him all that well yet and there are some questions on Aspie quiz's that I don't really know the answer to. But
some of my reasons for suspecting this are...
He had a very bad stutter when he was a kid and still experiences it at times now.
He has a very high intelligence and large vocab and says the use of big words helps with his stuttering.
He is very emotionally distant/aloof. We have talked about this as it has caused some issues in the beginning, and he openly acknowledges it saying that is just how he is. The issue was that it felt like he didn't care about me when we're apart and got the wrong impression.
He also REALLY likes is alone time and likes to be 'unencumbered' as he put it, and also says that he doesn't know what he is capable of in a future relationship sense and says he also doesn't know if he will ever be capable of reciprocating my feelings. We only see each other about 1-2 a week and have little contact in between. He's not the sort of person to really ask how my day was or how I am feeling etc.
I think he seems fine in social settings (though it has usually only been the two of us) but a while ago I introduced him to some of my friends and one commented that he seemed 'cold'. I haven't met any of his friends yet and therefore haven't been able to see how he is around them.
He NEVER speaks about emotions and isn't very good at giving compliments etc...

Having said all that, I am a good judge of character and I really don't think he is just being a jerk or seeing other women or anything like that. I know he genuinely cares about me, though it doesn't seem easy for him to talk about this.

As I said I am not sure if I am on the right track or not but I came across this when I was reading about stuttering (I am a clinical social worker/counsellor) and a few of the things I read really struck a nerve...

I would love some feedback from you guys who are in the 'know'...I would very much appreciate it. I feel a bit silly wondering this if it is not the case, and also have no idea how I would approach it with him - what if he doesn't know!?

It is just that he is SO very different to any other guy that I have dated, and I am understanding of his differences and try not to ask for more than what he seems comfortable with. I really care about him and love spending time with him. I think if he is an Aspie, and I could have an understanding of that it would make things soooo much easier.

Hope you can help....

thanks

 

[Peace]

hi, I am actually on here for a similar reason. I have recently started dating a guy and starting to wonder if he is an Aspie...and wondering if I could get a little help or insight from people on here, as to whether I am on the right or wrong track, and how to talk to him about it...

I don't know him all that well yet and there are some questions on Aspie quiz's that I don't really know the answer to. But
some of my reasons for suspecting this are...
He had a very bad stutter when he was a kid and still experiences it at times now.
He has a very high intelligence and large vocab and says the use of big words helps with his stuttering.
He is very emotionally distant/aloof. We have talked about this as it has caused some issues in the beginning, and he openly acknowledges it saying that is just how he is. The issue was that it felt like he didn't care about me when we're apart and got the wrong impression.
He also REALLY likes is alone time and likes to be 'unencumbered' as he put it, and also says that he doesn't know what he is capable of in a future relationship sense and says he also doesn't know if he will ever be capable of reciprocating my feelings. We only see each other about 1-2 a week and have little contact in between. He's not the sort of person to really ask how my day was or how I am feeling etc.
I think he seems fine in social settings (though it has usually only been the two of us) but a while ago I introduced him to some of my friends and one commented that he seemed 'cold'. I haven't met any of his friends yet and therefore haven't been able to see how he is around them.
He NEVER speaks about emotions and isn't very good at giving compliments etc...

Having said all that, I am a good judge of character and I really don't think he is just being a jerk or seeing other women or anything like that. I know he genuinely cares about me, though it doesn't seem easy for him to talk about this.

As I said I am not sure if I am on the right track or not but I came across this when I was reading about stuttering (I am a clinical social worker/counsellor) and a few of the things I read really struck a nerve...

I would love some feedback from you guys who are in the 'know'...I would very much appreciate it. I feel a bit silly wondering this if it is not the case, and also have no idea how I would approach it with him - what if he doesn't know!?

It is just that he is SO very different to any other guy that I have dated, and I am understanding of his differences and try not to ask for more than what he seems comfortable with. I really care about him and love spending time with him. I think if he is an Aspie, and I could have an understanding of that it would make things soooo much easier.

Hope you can help....

thanks

He may very well have Aspergers, but is that really what you seek? The difficulty and misunderstanding are common in relationships with us, and you need to face that it will likely never change. Can you be accepting of that, may be your true question (forgive me please). If the Aspergers is the question, then an honest and simple approach will likely be a good consideration. We often have difficulty understanding what other people are trying to relay to us. Even if you tell us directly, more than once. My being told that someone close to me thought that I might have Aspergers, was not one of them. I am grateful to this day that someone came along that cared enough to realize it. It brought to an end one of life's greatest mysteries, "What Was Always Going On Between Me And Other People"?
My personal thoughts and story. I hope I have helped in some way, Good Luck.

 

[ringadingding]

Thanks Peace. You're right, that is something I would have to consider. However I think that if I could gain some more knowledge on how he processes stuff and IF he has Asperges, what that actually means for him, I would be able to deal. I care about him a lot.
But I guess for now I have just started to think it might be the case and wanted to get some feedback on whether or not I was on the right track. My concern about asking him directly is - what if he gets offended or upset? that is the last thing I want to do…

The other concern I have is that he may 'just' be distant, aloof, not good with emotions and really like his own space…and I could be overreacting or reading too much into it. Which is why I am reaching out to you guys I guess… I don't know much about it and the fact everyone with Asperges experiences it differently makes it all the more confusing, you know what I mean? All I know is this guy is different…but not in a bad way, just a different way. I also think he is pretty special…

Just wondering, has anyone else had experience with stuttering in relation to Asperges or is it completely separate in most people's experience?

I am also interested to know more about Scarletts experience - I am sorry I have taken over your post, it just seemed related…

Thanks very much