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Have you ever been told you're not autistic?

Hedgehog Instigator

Hedgehog Instigator

Chomp chomp chomp!
I legit was told this by 3 people yesterday. This includes a doctor who said: you make good eye contact and you don't act like the exchange student I had with asperger's. What? I work with an autistic population on a daily basis, their eye contact is just fine. Not to mention I taught myself to look people in the eye. Secondly, why would anyone assume that all asd looks the same? Bipolar didn't look the same, depression, brain injury, etc etc.

My mom says just because I do things differently than others does not aspergers give me. I was diagnosed non verbal learning disorder went through therapy for years for it. And I stim by pacing and flapping often with string in my hands.

Not to mention I'm nearly 30, I think I've learned to cover some of this up by now.

Sorry for the rant I just am very upset that everybody seems to think they have more insight on me than me.
 
I have heard it before. I have always worked and made a good living, so there is no way that I am autistic. Ignorance is a hard thing to learn to deal with.
 
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When I "came out" after learning in my 60s that my lifelong weirdness was actually Asperger Syndrome, my friends all scoffed and said vehemently that I just couldn't possibly be Autistic. They acted as if they were denying that I had said I was retarded or mentally ill. I think the general population's understanding of Autism is extremely poor.
 
All the time!

I spent my whole life watching other people, trying to work out what they did that I didn't that made me so different.
I learnt some dress sense, grooming, body language, stance, facial expression, eye contact, all through observation in an effort to make myself look like everyone else..
After 30-odd years of that, maybe I should be flattered when people say I look normal now.

Shame they can't also see the anxiety I feel all the time, the loneliness I suffer every day, the burnouts and shutdowns..

I was recently granted a small budget designed to help mental health sufferers do something that might be of benefit to them (available to some incapacitated/disabled people on benefits in the UK). It could be a years gym subscription or membership of a befriending charity.. subject to a mental health teams approval of the application.

I applied for an internet connection as almost all my socialising is here on AC.. then a befriending service I used to benefit from before funding was cut.. then an archery group I'm now unable to afford.. then acupuncture, which benefits me greatly though I don't know how much longer I can afford that either..

Each has been turned down as they don't believe I can or would attend any social group as I now have an official diagnosis of Aspergers and therefore, in their opinion - and they've never even met me - don't need to socialise!

Before I got the diagnosis they wouldn't help me because I seemed perfectly normal!

I wonder if a key lesson in seeming normal that I've failed to learn is the ability to contradict myself.. :confused:
 
Hedgehog Instigator said:
I legit was told this by 3 people yesterday. This includes a doctor who said: you make good eye contact and you don't act like the exchange student I had with asperger's. What? I work with an autistic population on a daily basis, their eye contact is just fine. Not to mention I taught myself to look people in the eye. Secondly, why would anyone assume that all asd looks the same? Bipolar didn't look the same, depression, brain injury, etc etc.

My mom says just because I do things differently than others does not aspergers give me. I was diagnosed non verbal learning disorder went through therapy for years for it. And I stim by pacing and flapping often with string in my hands.

Not to mention I'm nearly 30, I think I've learned to cover some of this up by now.

Sorry for the rant I just am very upset that everybody seems to think they have more insight on me than me.
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I too have been told that I supposedly don't have Asperger's Syndrome; but as you've stated above, "...I just am very upset that everybody seems to think they have more insight on me than me." When I was in my middle school days I was diagnosed with Asperger's and within the last year or so ago I was told I "grew out of it" Is that even possible?
 
It happens to me a lot of times. I always make an effort for appearing more like other people, at least on the first sight. Then, if they become my real friends, I suggest it as a fact, and then let them ask me anything. The problem is that, if they only appear like friends but they aren't...I confuse and, well, the caos starts.
And I do flap and run in circles and that stuff, but I run to the WC, where nobody can see me, and call my mom or my best friend. They do help in parties and supermarkets.
When I told my best friend, about two years ago, she surprised a bit, but then I explained to her, if she hadn't spotted anything.
 
Yes and it makes me angry. These are people who know next to nothing of the condition and yet they're quite happy to say "no, you're not autistic". Who made these people the supreme doctors of everything? Often I struggle to grasp the idea that this is something I live with at times and seeing the big picture of how it affects me, I don't need these people making these comments. My psychiatrist and my social worker, from what they've seen of me, are happily able to tell me I have AS, that's all which should really matter to me.

I told my cousin that I apparently have asperger's syndrome, he told me to "join the club". The relief I felt from talking to someone who was willing to accept it who was well versed with it was amazing.
 
You're all lucky. I wish I was able to pass as normal. As I am no job wants me and people talk to me like I'm not here mentally. Nobody has any doubts I'm autistic. What they seem to doubt is that autistic people have IQs above 0 based on how they talk to me. To be told you don't seem autistic is a huge compliment. What they're saying is you seem smart.
 
unsurewhattoname said:
You're all lucky. I wish I was able to pass as normal. As I am no job wants me and people talk to me like I'm not here mentally. Nobody has any doubts I'm autistic. What they seem to doubt is that autistic people have IQs above 0 based on how they talk to me. To be told you don't seem autistic is a huge compliment. What they're saying is you seem smart.
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I'm so sorry that you're treated like that. This is why I don't like terms like "high functioning" and "low functioning" because people always take that to mean some measure of intelligence - basically the closer one is to acting like an NT, the more "intelligent" you are. It's frustrating when people have that mindset.

It ends up with the "higher functioning" people having their issues ignored and with those who appear "lower functioning" having their voices ignored.

(Wow, sorry about the rant)
 
Yeah some people have a hard time believing it. I do my best not to inconvenience people but I like to spend time alone, I have triggers, I shutdown/meltdown, I am bad with eye contact, I am uncomfortable with physical contact (but can build up comfort over time), I dont party and I'm totally rubbish at social situations. To name a few things off top of my head.

I've found being too open is generally disliked. I also think it's selfish to force others to pander to my wants and needs. I make a big effort to do things I dont want to, be in situations I dont want to and generally hide my bad side.
 
Southern Discomfort said:
I think when people think of autism they think the person should actually look a certain way, similar to Down's syndrome.
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I totally agree with you. Many people have this common misconception that Autism is easily recognizable, but Autism its self is like a HUGE diverse spectrum. I had an acquaintance in high school who had it as well, He wasn't as social as I, but anyways, what he lacked in social skills, he made in mathematical skills. He later graduated and went on to become a computer programmer! It comes to show that whatever side of the spectrum one is on, they can always excel in some way, shape, or form. I mean I used to see my AS like another label, but over time I began to see it like a gift from God. I love seeing and hearing and thinking the way I do. I used to think I wasn't "Normal". But I've come think that "Normal" is non-existent. If one claims to be "normal", they either A: Lying to themselves, or B: They just haven't been diagnosed yet.
 
I have been told by two doctors that didn't see it. They said I made good eye contact. My therapist, psychiatrist, and GP agree that I'm on the spectrum. Some people think you almost have to be a non-communicative vegetable to be autistic. Sad how some docs don't do much continuing education.
 
Crazy Dave said:
I too have been told that I supposedly don't have Asperger's Syndrome; but as you've stated above, "...I just am very upset that everybody seems to think they have more insight on me than me." When I was in my middle school days I was diagnosed with Asperger's and within the last year or so ago I was told I "grew out of it" Is that even possible?
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You can't outgrew your brain shape and genetics
 
Crazy Dave said:
I too have been told that I supposedly don't have Asperger's Syndrome; but as you've stated above, "...I just am very upset that everybody seems to think they have more insight on me than me." When I was in my middle school days I was diagnosed with Asperger's and within the last year or so ago I was told I "grew out of it" Is that even possible?
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It is entirely possible to develop compensatory strategies. I know I have and I mostly pass as normal unless thrust into a new or uncomfortable sutuation. Mostly my autism shows in under and over sensitivities to the environment.
 
unsurewhattoname said:
You're all lucky. I wish I was able to pass as normal. As I am no job wants me and people talk to me like I'm not here mentally. Nobody has any doubts I'm autistic. What they seem to doubt is that autistic people have IQs above 0 based on how they talk to me. To be told you don't seem autistic is a huge compliment. What they're saying is you seem smart.
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The way I interpret it is, "You seem normal" or capable of appearing like everybody else... it's not a compliment, it's based on the idea that all autistic people are exactly the same, it's misinformed. They are making an assumption that people with ASD can't function. This is the same reason why you are belittled by people, it's the flip side to the same problem.
 
wanderer03 said:
I have been told by two doctors that didn't see it. They said I made good eye contact. My therapist, psychiatrist, and GP agree that I'm on the spectrum. Some people think you almost have to be a non-communicative vegetable to be autistic. Sad how some docs don't do much continuing education.
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What is with the eye contact thing? where is it written we're bad at that? I work with Autistic people everyday and all of us are good with eye contact! Not to mention even if that is a DSM requirement (which I really doubt it is, it's so general), it would be one out of a list of 6 from which you would need 4 symptoms or something similar.
 
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