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Has anyone else here been involved in a toxic relationship, short term or long term?

2

2Fragile2TakeCriticism

Black sheep in my own community
V.I.P Member
I’m not here to judge others’ experiences and jump to conclusions claiming these relationships are in fact abusive. That’s for you to determine. I’m not going to start off describing my experiences until I feel comfortable enough to tell them because right now it’s been getting very difficult to cope since a lot of folks want to do nothing but pull up solutions without listening fully to the context and the struggles of other people.
 
Yes, I was in a toxic relationship for two years. In our case it was mutually toxic and we are friends now, but I am still very thankful that this phase of my life is over. It's made me very careful about who I let into my life.

Edit: I also know what you mean regarding the last line. It sometimes takes being fully out to make sense of what happened, but also being fully in one to understand what it's like. It ultimately needs to be of your own doing and situations like this can be tough. My mother was also in one outright abusive relationship.
 
I have one relationship come to mind, a toxic person indeed. And there are others which were toxic for me, even if the other person (nor myself) were toxic in and of ourselves. Not judging any but the very first instance, whom I will judge for I am one of his many victims.
.
Anyway, certainly no two relationships are alike. Nor are any two toxic relationships. There need be no judgment, only our own experiences to share as much or as little of as we wish.
 
Toxic relationship? You decide.

I went three years with a "functional alcoholic" girlfriend while often taking care of her daughter (aged four to seven). I finally gave up, but still feel terrible guilt over abandoning her daughter to her "absentee mother" and an estranged father who had weekend custody and a bad temper. She ultimately refused to acknowledge that she had a problem let alone seek any treatment and I reluctantly left the relationship.

I freely admit that I tried very hard to ignore so much for so long, which ultimately made me a classic enabler.
 
While existentially lonely, and before I really began advocating for myself, I got involved with two users consecutively. Their only thoughts were what they could get from me. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I developed a thick skin as a result.
 
2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
Absolutely. Anyone goes. :)
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Ah. Well, then, yes. I only recently escaped the household (I'll not refer to it as 'home') nearly three years ago, and living independently with my fiancee is one of the things which led me to discover my autism.

The household in which I and my older sister grew up is best labeled as 'dysfunctional.' While we had enough money for food and clothes and school, we were middle class and our parents were old. My mother suffered from NPD as well as depression, BPD, and possibly autism and ADD. My father was an enabler, also most likely autistic. Both my sister and I were subject to violent outbursts and were abused physically.

Yet both our parents urged us to pursue academic heights (a projection, I feel, as neither completed four-year university) but gave us no emotional support. We never discussed feelings or emotions. Everything always hinged on the thread of balance concerning mother's needs.

I could literally write a whole book about my parents (one day I might) but I'll stop there.
 
autism-and-autotune said:
Ah. Well, then, yes. I only recently escaped the household (I'll not refer to it as 'home') nearly three years ago, and living independently with my fiancee is one of the things which led me to discover my autism.

The household in which I and my older sister grew up is best labeled as 'dysfunctional.' While we had enough money for food and clothes and school, we were middle class and our parents were old. My mother suffered from NPD as well as depression, BPD, and possibly autism and ADD. My father was an enabler, also most likely autistic. Both my sister and I were subject to violent outbursts and were abused physically.

Yet both our parents urged us to pursue academic heights (a projection, I feel, as neither completed four-year university) but gave us no emotional support. We never discussed feelings or emotions. Everything always hinged on the thread of balance concerning mother's needs.

I could literally write a whole book about my parents (one day I might) but I'll stop there.
Click to expand...
That’s awful. :( I’m glad you moved out. You deserve better.
 
I went through a challenging phase in my life too, being in a relationship that was on the brink of collapse.
We were together for almost three years, and looking back, it was undoubtedly a toxic situation. However, our issues weren't mutual; they stemmed from a lack of communication and understanding.

As a gay individual, I believe we face unique challenges in relationships, but the struggles we encountered were not necessarily related to our sexual orientation. It was more about not being able to effectively communicate our needs, desires, and fears with each other. Over time, our unresolved issues began to pile up, and the love we once had for each other started to fade.

But we didn't want to end our relationship. Maybe because we were scared of being alone. We still cared for one another deeply, and neither of us wanted to be the one to initiate a breakup. It felt like we were holding onto something that was slipping through our fingers. That's when we realized that seeking professional help might be the only way to salvage what was left of our connection.

We decided to go to lgbt couples counseling, and it turned out to be a turning point for us.
Through counseling, we gained a deeper understanding of each other's experiences and emotional wounds. We learned how our past traumas were impacting our present relationship. It was tough to confront those issues, but it was necessary for our growth as individuals and as a couple.

As we continued attending sessions, we gradually rebuilt our trust and intimacy. It wasn't a quick fix, and it required a lot of effort and patience from both of us. We learned to be vulnerable and open, embracing the imperfections in ourselves and each other.

Now, looking back on that turbulent period, I'm grateful for the experience. It made me realize the importance of effective communication, empathy, and the significance of seeking help when things get tough
 
2Fragile2TakeCriticism said:
I’m not here to judge others’ experiences and jump to conclusions claiming these relationships are in fact abusive. That’s for you to determine. I’m not going to start off describing my experiences until I feel comfortable enough to tell them because right now it’s been getting very difficult to cope since a lot of folks want to do nothing but pull up solutions without listening fully to the context and the struggles of other people.
Click to expand...
I am involved in long-term toxic relationships, with my parents.

I completely agree with you: "Not describing my experiences until I feel comfortable to share", because I too do this.
I see it safer for me - to not sharing my concerns with the other person, if I am not sure that the weight of my concerns will be lessened by sharing with the other person.

I also had this same complaint for a long time: people (even people in my family) don't listen to me, and are not really interested to lend a compassionate, empathetic ear to my struggles and pain.
Recently, I am realizing that, it takes a lot of courage, willingness and maturity - to do this.
Not all people are equipped to do it.
Even if some people are equipped, they may not have the time or energy to do.
And even if some people are equipped and also have the time and energy, there may be other reasons stopping them.
So, I am learning to make myself - my friend, my companion.
 
i dont feel uncomfortable about sharing anything if its in a serious context
i have alot of bad experiences in the past that are so intense im not sure i should even post them here because i dont think this site allows such triggering adult discussions ..while thats a relief in some ways its still a downside another way because it means your scared to post any true stories that really happened to you
 
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