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Friend won't stop thinking I want a boyfriend

N

nope

Active Member
Friend is the romantic type and is married to her high school sweetheart, so I guess because she's never really been single as an adult and she's happy the way she is, she assumes I feel incomplete with a boyfriend, or something, and want one STAT.

The thing is I'm not even really interested in guys? I like guys, but I guess not to the obsessive level that she seems to think I have. And don't get me wrong, I've flat-out told her I'm not that interested in guys, she either just can't understand the idea or refuses to believe it. She tried setting me up with a couple people (not aggressively, but in a way that was obvious even to me). If I mentioned "a guy" in a story, she would have a half-a-dozen follow-up questions about the guy, even if the guy was just a prop to the story I was trying to tell. If I mention going to a place, she would ask, "Did you meet a guy there?" Perhaps most egregious, when I'm just bored and staring into space, she would out of nowhere say things like, "Someday you'll find someone just like I found my husband." o_O

She's otherwise a good friend and I don't want to have to tell her again that guys are just not in my top priorities right now. But how do I make her believe??
 
Hmm, that's rough. I'm not sure if your friend will ever believe? You seem to have said it quite clear to her. I guess just try your best to ignore her comments about it? I'm not sure completely. At times it feels like people don't want to understand no matter how many times things are repeated.
 
its obvious monogamy is her thing she gets off on it horrible words but true tell her what makes you happy
is she aspie?
nope said:
Friend is the romantic type and is married to her high school sweetheart, so I guess because she's never really been single as an adult and she's happy the way she is, she assumes I feel incomplete with a boyfriend, or something, and want one STAT.

The thing is I'm not even really interested in guys? I like guys, but I guess not to the obsessive level that she seems to think I have. And don't get me wrong, I've flat-out told her I'm not that interested in guys, she either just can't understand the idea or refuses to believe it. She tried setting me up with a couple people (not aggressively, but in a way that was obvious even to me). If I mentioned "a guy" in a story, she would have a half-a-dozen follow-up questions about the guy, even if the guy was just a prop to the story I was trying to tell. If I mention going to a place, she would ask, "Did you meet a guy there?" Perhaps most egregious, when I'm just bored and staring into space, she would out of nowhere say things like, "Someday you'll find someone just like I found my husband." o_O

She's otherwise a good friend and I don't want to have to tell her again that guys are just not in my top priorities right now. But how do I make her believe??
Click to expand...
 
I've been hassled on this topic since i was 16. I didn't date in high school. Didn't find anyone of any great interest at uni either. Family and colleagues kept asking if i was seeing anyone...then I'd cop the old 'you'll find someone special one day' or 'he's out there...' or even ' are you gay?' Apparently if you are single you are a curiosity.

I just told them that it's hard to find someone nice...that they were lucky to know 100% that their partner was 'the one' but i would prefer not to settle and wait until i found someone special...that i am comfortable with who i am on my own. Usually shut them up.

Then when i met someone the questions changed to when are you getting married and having kids...:eek:
 
To be completely honest, if it were me...I'd probably just get so annoyed with her that I'd lose my s**t with her. Then she'd either get the message, or avoid me. So maybe don't do that. I'd tell her that the way she keeps going on and on about you finding a boyfriend is actually really irritating, and that it makes you not want to see her (even though that may not be true) because you know that she will bring it up. Maybe then she would see how irritating she's being.
 
Sounds like your friend needs to see a lovely but clever message about such things that children's author Shel Silverstein so masterfully created.

Simple. Brilliant. Powerful.

That you don't need to have someone or be with someone to be whole. ;)

"The Missing Piece Meets The Big O"

 
It's a routine human thing. Or a standard NT thing. Projecting your own likes and dislikes and strengths and weaknesses on everybody else.

So this one is sweet. This friend is trying to help by helping find a boyfriend for the girl she really likes as a friend.

I use this tendency differently. When I discover a person or sometimes a company I might work for or do business with that is strongly concerned that I and mostly everyone is trying to do bad things in the employment or business relationship, I watch to see where they are doing or trying to do those bad things to me. Then find a new job or hire on to a different company. Or find a new company to supply whatever service. If it is a friend or acquaintance then it is time to put as much distance as possible between. It's never that easy or that straightforward, of course. But the trends do work.
 
Dusty285 said:
It's a routine human thing. Or a standard NT thing. Projecting your own likes and dislikes and strengths and weaknesses on everybody else.
Click to expand...
I had people treat me that way for many years, especially when I was a single parent of one child. I had already decided that i wouldn't seek a relationship when I was raising my child, because I simply could not balance two types of relationships at the same time. And yet co-workers, friends, etc. kept at me about meeting someone. Or even asked if I was gay because I wasn't drooling over random males who crossed my field of vision! It was very annoying, intrusive, and...well, annoying! Several times I was put in an awkward situation because people would try to set me up with some guy that they thought I would be interested in. Even my family thought I was weird because I wasn't frantically looking for someone to hook up with.

IMO, when one is single, they are in a relationship with themselves, and so what is wrong with that? Why is single seen as less valuable as part of a couple?
 
I think I threw up when Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) said to Rene Zellweger, "You complete me."

I suspect Tom Cruise probably did too when the scene was over. :p

 
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