Forgetting your manners

[Keith]

Lately I've noticed I've been having trouble remembering my manners. Examples include reaching over the table instead of asking someone to pass the whatever, saying you're welcome when someone thanks me for a favor, and pointing to something I want instead of asking for it.

 

[TSS]

Yeah, I do that too from time to time. I have to really think about my manners around others and when I am out.

 

[Elemental]

I only realized quite recently that when anyone greeted me & asked how I was, I told them but didn't think to ask them how they were in return? This was a real revelation; not just that I have been acting apparently discourteously for years but that I NEVER KNEW OR SAW IT!! I try now, to remember to return the question but it's not guaranteed & it kind of makes me smile inside a bit when I note my delayed speech whilst I compute that bit LOL

 

[Suzanne]

Surprisingly manners is one thing, I never forget. I guess I go on the idea that if I want ones to be courteous to me, then I should be back.

However, thinking about it, I admit that I do struggle with asking ones how they are, but that is because mostly people are very quick to pile into their ill health and well, I have a whole pile myself, but keep quiet because I am well aware that people do not always want to know and so, it gets to the point, I feel almost begrudging asking, especially if the person is known to never care about how anyone else thinks.

I tend to be over exuberant ( if that is possible) with manners, the extent that I do not want to cause others to have to be polite to me and a prime example is the one you gave ie about passing things across the table. I hate the idea of disturbing or inconveniencing others when they are eating and thus, try in vain to get the things myself, but inevitable, I bring myself to notice because my arms are not long enough!

 

[Elemental]

I'm usually fine with most basic manners, it's just that bit ^^

 

[Asperganoid]

I can be a bit of a social rebel. especially when I believe a certain societal rule is ridiculous. i will avoid it; observe the person waiting for me to respond to the social cue. hence I am a social outcast. a gibberish maniac.

 

[Kari Suttle]

Lately I've noticed I've been having trouble remembering my manners. Examples include reaching over the table instead of asking someone to pass the whatever, saying you're welcome when someone thanks me for a favor, and pointing to something I want instead of asking for it.

Me to, almost always. Especially at work cashiering where its most crucial it always slips my mind. I dont remember until the customer leaves my lane that i was supposed to reply back in kind instead of just nod and or make some other affirmative action to indicate i'd heard and say thanks. The general social back and forth generally escapes me at work unless for some reason i walked in feeling on top of my game that day which doesn't usually happen and when it does it doesn't last long.

 

[King_Oni]

From most things people list here, I feel quite like a savage, lol. I don't really do any of these things, yet still people don't consider me rude or impolite as such. Perhaps it's both a cultural thing as well as that I don't really interact a lot with random strangers much, so the few people I do interact with pretty much deal with the way I act.

I guess it also comes down to the fact that, because I never really was taught these things, I can't forget them either.

Thinking about manners (and perhaps, my lack thereof), I think I was more raised along the lines of function over form, and if anything manners are really more form than function.

 

[Chuck2]

My dad is from a place where manners mean way too much. He and my mom taught me table manners and as many others as they could but I completely disregard these most of the time. I also learned some things in the Navy and working in restaurants. Restaurants was the toughest though because I spoke too fast and not loud enough.

 

[Slithytoves]

I'm a mixed bag where manners are concerned. I'm very deferential in public: giving people space, saying "excuse me" when appropriate, allowing others to go ahead of me, backtracking when a cart is blocking an aisle rather than asking its driver to move it, that sort of thing. I also compliment others pretty freely. When it comes to most verbal courtesies like saying "please" and "thank you" or asking someone how they are when they've been ill, I'm pretty forgetful. I feel guilty when I realize I haven't said or done something politely. I always think to myself, "Your mother taught you better than that." I wonder if other people think I was raised by wolves. Speaking of which, my table manners aren't always so hot either.

Sometimes I'm more "on it" than others. It largely depends on what's on my mind. If it helps, I don't think most people notice anything but the most egregious breaches of etiquette. A lot of courteous exchanges are done mechanically, out of habit rather than very deliberately. It's not like everyone is hyper-aware of small courtesies performed or forgotten.

 

[Keith]

I only realized quite recently that when anyone greeted me & asked how I was, I told them but didn't think to ask them how they were in return? This was a real revelation; not just that I have been acting apparently discourteously for years but that I NEVER KNEW OR SAW IT!! I try now, to remember to return the question but it's not guaranteed & it kind of makes me smile inside a bit when I note my delayed speech whilst I compute that bit LOL

This is one of my problems. They ask me how I am, I say I'm fine, but I never ask how they are.

 

[Chuck2]

This is one of my problems. They ask me how I am, I say I'm fine, but I never ask how they are.

I only remember to do that when speaking Spanish, which I don't actually speak but I'm trying to learn it from my neighbors. In English I don't bother because it is only a greeting with no real reason around here. People here don't really want to know how you are actually doing, in general. My Spanish speaking neighbors actually do want to know so I will try to talk to them about it but I only know a few hundred words in Spanish and my grammar is horrible.

 

[Keith]

I only remember to do that when speaking Spanish, which I don't actually speak but I'm trying to learn it from my neighbors. In English I don't bother because it is only a greeting with no real reason around here. People here don't really want to know how you are actually doing, in general. My Spanish speaking neighbors actually do want to know so I will try to talk to them about it but I only know a few hundred words in Spanish and my grammar is horrible.

I took Spanish in high school through junior college and may be able to engage in simple conversation with native speakers, although I have trouble understanding them when they speak. It's as if they speak to fast.

 

[Datura]

I am fairly polite, or at least I think I am. I have been wrong in the past (ie. not saying "hello" to people, not smiling on command, ext.) My parents and grandmother ingrained certain courtesies into me, to the point that my peers mocked me for it as a teenage. Apparently the judicious use of "please" and "thank you" is extremely uncool.

I am also deferential to a fault, which leads people to like me, but also take advantage of me. Sometimes, despite being a six and a half foot tranny, people don't even notice I am in the room with them.

What is really funny is that sometimes my polite scripts "glitch" one me. There are times when I have accidentally used my customer service script when I am the one being served. I have also gotten stuck in a loop (ie. "Hi, how are you doing?" / "Oh, I'm fine. How are you? / "I'm doing good. How are you?" / "Umm...")

 

[Progster]

I only realized quite recently that when anyone greeted me & asked how I was, I told them but didn't think to ask them how they were in return? This was a real revelation; not just that I have been acting apparently discourteously for years but that I NEVER KNEW OR SAW IT!! I try now, to remember to return the question but it's not guaranteed & it kind of makes me smile inside a bit when I note my delayed speech whilst I compute that bit LOL

Yes, I don't always reciprocate either - I have to make a special effort to remember to do it because even if I'm not interested in the answer, it's polite. I usually remember to give basic courtesies such as "please" and "thank you" but sometimes I'm distracted and I forget. The other day I forgot to say "thank you" to someone who opened the door for me, because I was so keen to get out and away from the chlorine smell in the shop.

 

[SameStars]

Greeting passerbye. I have to actively think about it, but I usually forget it. And it's not like most of them aren't contented with ignoring you either, but I've been told that I should make the effort.
I didn't reciprocate asking after somebody either, until a friend told me she thought it was rude that I never asked how she was in return. So from then I mirrored basic questions.
I'm polite in saying thank you and excuse me, but I mumble it sometimes.

 

[watersprite]

I'm okay and polite - even nice - when I have a script for it and it's not complicated situation. Complicated for me is more than 1 other person. (I know, I'm working on it, slowly)
Otherwise, I am guilty of several verbal errors.
Always forget to introduce people to each other.
I sometimes interrupt and screw up conversations.
I repeat things.
I don't like long goodbyes when taking leave of someone, and have been told to be nicer about it.
If I do get to talking to someone, it's uncomfortable and squirmy for me unless I'm interested in what they're saying. My attention will start drifting to the pattern on the floor, or a tree, window, sky, "lunch" etc.

 

[Keith]

I just remembered I don't like it when all of a sudden the topic changes to something I don't find interesting and I have to sit there quietly until I can engage in their discussion. This happens often when speaking to my parents. I'll want to tell them something and they'll continue talking about their own issues. I'll try to start the topic when I get the chance, but they just go back to their own topic. Sometimes, though, the topic I want to bring up ends up being some disturbing news story or the latest notable death on Wikipedia. (I find the latter fascinating for some reason.)