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Feeling Guilty for who am I

Z

ZebraAutismo

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
Does anyone else feel guilty because of their disability and find them selves constantly apologising for needing helping, having a melt down etc.

People tell me I say sorry to enough but I feel like have too.
 
Hi there,
I found out I had Aspergers about 18 months ago. My meltdowns are a source of shame and guilt when I blow up at my husband I say horrible things that make me shudder when I think of them. Then I go on a downer about my Aspergers and the embarrassment I feel at behaving in such an unacceptable way.
I always feel that I need to control them better. I do mostly avoid meltdowns but they tend to get worse when I'm hormonal! I understand how you feel!
 
I understand! I have always relied on drink far too much to mask the symptoms of my Aspergers. however, there's a fine line between enjoying it and then having too much and turning into a twat which I've done far too many times!! So many embarrassing situations and times I've said awful things to the ones I love. Beating yourself up won't change anything. Just keeps the cycle going. Is there anyone who can help you?
 
Tilly1974 said:
I understand! I have always relied on drink far too much to mask the symptoms of my Aspergers. however, there's a fine line between enjoying it and then having too much and turning into a twat which I've done far too many times!! So many embarrassing situations and times I've said awful things to the ones I love. Beating yourself up won't change anything. Just keeps the cycle going. Is there anyone who can help you?
Click to expand...
Been thinking of going to either a therapist or a psychologist. Anything to stop this cycle. I have had my drunk moments too, and they weren't too pretty.
 
It might help you get things in perspective. We all need someone to help. I watched my sister in law drink herself to death. Not pretty. Drinking destroys lives. Go for it! Because the path your on will finish you. Fight back!
 
Tilly1974 said:
Hi there,
I found out I had Aspergers about 18 months ago. My meltdowns are a source of shame and guilt when I blow up at my husband I say horrible things that make me shudder when I think of them. Then I go on a downer about my Aspergers and the embarrassment I feel at behaving in such an unacceptable way.
I always feel that I need to control them better. I do mostly avoid meltdowns but they tend to get worse when I'm hormonal! I understand how you feel!
Click to expand...
About the same age that I was. It must have been rough not understanding yourself all those years. It certainly was for me.
 
Tilly1974 said:
It might help you get things in perspective. We all need someone to help. I watched my sister in law drink herself to death. Not pretty. Drinking destroys lives. Go for it! Because the path your on will finish you. Fight back!
Click to expand...

I watched my mother drink herself to death. I have to agree that alcohol is a great helper for suppressing sensory sensitivities. But the moment you get hooked on it. It a trip down a dark path.
 
Hi, midlife aspie.

I was diagnosed as adult in Feb, '07, so like you I am new to all of this.

Lots of this with this.

I have felt mind slaying, paralysis making guilt about who/how I am.

I cannot get that time or those precious emotional/identity/cognitive resources back and spent them on reducing my perception about my worth as a person and ability as a student/professional.

I've been face-planted in front of the alter,
Gone glutton free,
Worked hard in therapy,
Cried a forest of tissue...

Though at the time I did not know, I am on the spectrum.

I tried not to be different with the hyper-focused perseveration of the Asperger Profile.

If I knew how to find a cure, experience a conversion of cognitive type miraculously, gestalted an insight so Freud it would have Skinnered Piaget, I would have done it.

If I believed that were possible, I'd still be on my face, eating beets, showing up on time and being transparent in session.

I did not find a cure.
I ate a lot of beans.
As naked as I was born, it is transparently measured and assessed I am on the spectrum.
Oh, I cried
and
keened.

If I can spare you one minute of time or unnecessary resource allotment, I beg you hear my sincerity.

I choose to abstain from feeling guilty about who I am.

I mean like AA, I am in the program, working the steps, gonna pick up chips one day at a time one anniversary at a time, because feeling guilty about who I am/how I am was excruciating, slow, barbaric, self-cannibalism.

And I STILL don't eat meat.

You are who you are.
I believe you are who you are for a reason that is important.
Be you.
Find your reason that is important and do that.
 
midlife aspie said:
About the same age that I was. It must have been rough not understanding yourself all those years. It certainly was for me.
Click to expand...
Hi yes it was i knew I was different and I loner but never really noticed until I had it pointed out by my husband!? It's only in hindsight that it all made sense. How did you find out so late?
 
Tilly,

Because you are a hero, self-modulating, strategy creating, finding your own path kind of aspilicious!
 
Tilly1974 said:
Hi yes it was i knew I was different and I loner but never really noticed until I had it pointed out by my husband!? It's only in hindsight that it all made sense. How did you find out so late?
Click to expand...

That's one of the most interesting aspects of self awareness. When you yourself can look back on your life and all those arduous social interactions and realize why they were so often "arduous" in the first place. Talk about "connecting the dots!"

I got lucky finding out at all...even in my mid 50s. Seeing a tv show talk about this thing called "Aspergers Syndrome" on the National Geographic channel. Otherwise I might still be completely oblivious about being on the spectrum...seeking other means to discover who and what I am.
 
Hi Judge,
Better late than never hey. It was really strange going through all the self analysis that went hand in hand with accepting. It was a really surreal process looking from the outside in and catching my own behaviours and traits of Aspergers. It was like having an identity crisis. it's peculiar having a whole new perspective of who we are later on in life but also helpful to know our own strengths and limitations.
 
Sometimes I do wish I could do things that nts could do

When I make mistakes I feel very upset and embarrassed and frustrated .
 
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