Ever feel unattractive?

[JCPHN]

OK, so many of us here have discussed "the glass wall phenomenon" and it's many incarnations, wherein at times, one feels a distinct separation from the rest of the world or other people. I know some probably feel a particularly painful instance of this sensation when it comes to romantic connections.

Lately I have had some frustrating experiences that sort of caused me to oscillate between feeling somewhat "normal" in regards to my love life, and very different, abnormal, or undesirable. Specifically, I've noticed a feeling that once I open up about some of my Aspie traits, many women seem to find me less physically attractive. This, at times, causes me to feel that I also look different from other humans, not just seem as such, which can be particularly threatening for an Aspie who would like to entertain some prospect of having a significant other again, at least eventually.

Does anyone else here ever feel physically different, and possibly placed on a different scale of criteria for attractiveness, or even unattractive, because of their Aspie traits?

 

[Kaylee]

in my experience attractiveness is based around many things, the concept of its what inside that counts is kinda stupid to a degree, physical attraction in some form is something that all people have and something that we look for. as for how aspie traits can relate to this it wouldnt actually surprise me espically when it comes to how women see men. physical attraction is based on a few things, some of them being, weight, way a person is dressed and implications.

take for example someone with bed head, loose plaid shirt and ripped jeans. to many people this could be considered an atractive person, qualities of a certain style. these could also be qualities of a person is homeless, the mindset of that person being homeless changes how someone views them and makes them appear as less attractive. this is an example of how retrospective knowledge can change how someone is viewed.

aspies also tend to have more sensory issues. i for example need the weight of a hoodie and cant wear certain fabrics without getting severely annoyed, 1-2 times this will seem ok and like no issue but as a style comes out and become more obvious these can make me seem less attractive.

i would have to say yes to your question, people are graded on different scale of attractiveness based around their aspie qualities.

 

[AsheSkyler]

That ship sailed a long time ago. I have long limbs and I'm tall for a female. One of the many reasons I hung onto my husband when we were dating is that he was one of the few people that didn't make a big deal of it like I was some giant disproportionate freak. Everybody else, I just hold things over their head out of reach until they apologize.

 

[paloftoon]

Sometimes I feel that way. Some things are not under my control, and I realize that. So, sometimes I'm too busy to care and have other interests too. .

 

[Warmheart]

Yes, but, Nerdy is the new black? Part of my ASD is that I am unaware of how I look to others, and outward appearances in general don't really register much with me. I am just me. Awkward, nerdy, klutzy, no make-up, no tweezed brows, no nail polish, natural hair, simple, functional clothing, zero fashion sense. Ironically, I probably stand out, because I don't want to stand out. All I care is that I am clean. Simple and plain is fine by me. Kindnessdoesn't need ribbons and bows.

Perhaps ASD means that we will never attract a shallow mate.

 

[Ste11aeres]

In response to the title...I just try not to think about it too much.

 

[Slothra]

I feel like I'm reasonably attractive, but I do have issues feeling undesirable. Mostly due to how I think, or act, or talk.

I've actually spoken with quite a few women who think they're unattractive that I could totally imagine being with for the rest of my life. Emotional attachment gives a good 3 points out of 5, and can make a lot of physical cons seem like pros, but I do understand the need for physical attraction. Despite my high *ahem* drive, I remain *double ahem* untouched. I'd feel awful if my first time was with someone who I liked in a shallow way. Even so, I do need to WANT to be close to them, you know? Basic stuff. The line is a lot lower than most think.

So I guess I try not to think about the physical side as much as the emotional side. It helps.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I feel like I'm reasonably attractive, but I do have issues feeling undesirable. Mostly due to how I think, or act, or talk.

I've actually spoken with quite a few women who think they're unattractive that I could totally imagine being with for the rest of my life. Emotional attachment gives a good 3 points out of 5, and can make a lot of physical cons seem like pros, but I do understand the need for physical attraction. Despite my high *ahem* drive, I remain *double ahem* untouched. I'd feel awful if my first time was with someone who I liked in a shallow way. Even so, I do need to WANT to be close to them, you know? Basic stuff. The line is a lot lower than most think.

So I guess I try not to think about the physical side as much as the emotional side. It helps.

I know an extremely unattractive man who is in a wonderful marriage. I can't see any other woman being interested in him, any woman other than his wife. She actually doesn't get along with many people, but does with him. Sometimes it's just a matter of finding the right person.

 

[Slothra]

I know the standard "you'll find someone." I know it's probably true. Doesn't help much, though. The only relationship I've ever been in turned out to be her leading me on. Accidentally, though, but still, this is a bleeding wound for me, sorry I'm getting that blood all over relationship-related posts xD

I just feel like I'm the odd social aspie, and that I've got a lot to offer, but I'm missing someone who's an important part of me. Here's hoping though, for all of us.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I know the standard "you'll find someone." I know it's probably true. Doesn't help much, though. The only relationship I've ever been in turned out to be her leading me on. Accidentally, though, but still, this is a bleeding wound for me, sorry I'm getting that blood all over relationship-related posts xD

I just feel like I'm the odd social aspie, and that I've got a lot to offer, but I'm missing someone who's an important part of me. Here's hoping though, for all of us.

Well, I said that sometimes it's about finding the right person. But I don't think that everybody actually does find the right person.

 

[Slothra]

That's actually a relief, standard is hardly what I expect here. I apologize for jumping the gun. Haven't been as lucid as I'd like to be all day for some reason, but that's no excuse.

Life ain't all flowers and sunshine, it's unfortunate but true. Not all of us find love. But I think that's why it's so ambiguous, just the journey you set yourself on when you look for your other half seems to make it all bearable.

 

[NewOldAspie]

People tell me I am not unattractive, which I seemed to think in younger times. Anxiety and expression were my culprits for not quite catching on to the romance thing. I also seemed to have focused on getting somewhere or pursuing some activity.

Sometimes maybe we get caught up in trying to make it happen rather than enjoying the moment of letting it happen. The expression of self is reflection of our vision, what we see. So then what do you see? For me now, it is nature and its creatures. It is a beautiful world if we don't screw it up.

 

[Harrison]

My personal view of my external self is that I am old and not particulary attractive. People tell me differently and as 'attractive', as a value, serves no internal purpose, I tend to accept their version as being more important in the big wide world.

 

[StephF]

I don't think I am particularly attractive but then again I think its what is inside that matters.

You could wrap a turd up in a beautiful pink ribbon but it wouldn't make it any more attractive.

If a person is nice inside thats good enough for me.

 

[clg114]

No, I do not feel unattractive. However I am unattractive, it's just part of getting old. It doesn't really make any difference. At this point in my life I only have one person to impress, my wife and she's very attractive. I just don't know how I got so lucky.

 

[dudeman]

I don't know whether I'd call myself attractive or not. Looking at my last few youtube vids (which are the first "on camera" work I've done), I don't know that I pass for female very well, but I don't think I look that bad and when I'm able to start transitioning I'll look even better. I think it helps that I got more genes from my mom than I did from my dad.

 

[Kaylee]

I don't know whether I'd call myself attractive or not. Looking at my last few youtube vids (which are the first "on camera" work I've done), I don't know that I pass for female very well, but I don't think I look that bad and when I'm able to start transitioning I'll look even better. I think it helps that I got more genes from my mom than I did from my dad.

i assume by this post that you are trans? from one transwoman to another i can tell you right now we tend to be our own worst enemy. when people look at others they think man or woman, not so much the inbetween, so even cis women who "dont pass" are still seen as woman. when people know you are trans they tend to judge you harder. we tend to do this to ourselves. also idiots will do this too, but i can post pics of non trans women, tell people they are trans and watch A-holes talk about how much they dont pass

 

[JCPHN]

I think trans-people are very beautiful

 

[Tom]

Yes. I think a good part of that is in my own head though. A tendency towards negative self-consciousness. Objectively it hasn't been an obstacle.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Well to answer you're question, yes I feel unattractive (sometimes internally, other times externally) because I've seen nothing different in the actions or conversations of others to imply otherwise, there's saying "oh your attractive" or "you have nice eyes" or "you'll find someone" blah blah blah and then there's actually proving that you value someone by actually wanting to be with them and not having to chase them up all the time- FAIL!! in my case. But it's almost to awkard to point out to every person that they won't keep their promise, they only pretend to be kind or generally calling their bluff in some otherr way and bringing the unpsoken (almost taboo) issues/complaints to light.

Does anyone else here ever feel physically different, and possibly placed on a different scale of criteria for attractiveness, or even unattractive, because of their Aspie traits?

If indeed I have aspergers (come on NHS, how bloody long do you need to get back to me on this) then yes, without being able to explain how, yet having a rough idea of why.

I have long limbs and I'm tall for a female.

Ooh pictures please

I think trans-people are very beautiful

Just for the record, we are talking about transsexuals, transvestites, and lady boys yer?
Thats a first , but to each their own I guess.