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Does anyone here choose to stay single?

Noelle

Noelle

Well-Known Member
Hello all

I'm 40 today, and quite happy about it (probably because I'm newly diagnosed with ASD) and feel like I've dodged a lot of bullets during my life because of my high functioning autism. Of course, I recognize that I've also probably missed out on heaps of opportunities that I may never even know about, due to the anxiety that comes with being autistic and independent.

I've been single, and satisfied (with my singleness) my entire life and have no desire to change this status. For awhile when I was younger, the social pressures to find a "mate" got to me and I started to worry that I was becoming too independent and selfish. Am I selfish for wanting to be on my own, take care of myself and not be concerned with anyone else? I can't abide touch, so having that kind of a relationship has always been out of the question for me.

Sometimes I do feel frustrated that there doesn't seem to be anyone else in the entire world who is like me. I'm not opposed to the idea of a lifelong companion. I'm introverted, but social enough that I would probably enjoy having a husband and family of in-laws to spend time with. But I know I could never fulfill the expectations that come with marriage. And no man my age, even one burned by divorce, is going to tolerate someone like me, so I've just never bothered with dating.

I'm also very ambitious and have always seen those kinds of relationships as obstacles that just get in the way of what I want. Btw- I'm not asexual. I learned that word a few years ago. I definitely like men... A LOT. No problem touching when I am the one doing it. I just cannot be touched back by anyone-- men, women or children.

I pray for God to connect me with people who not only understand this, but may experience this type of desire for singleness too. Anyone?
 
*raises hand* I've been single for all of my 35 years! :) I love it. I am asexual and aromantic, so I've never had the desire for a relationship. I also love the freedom of flying solo! I totally understand the appeal of being single :)
 
Good for you:) Thanks for the replying. You're spot on about the freedom. That is the only life I know too. I wonder if this is just a female thing, since we're expected to "need" a partner?

I'm not asexual or "aromantic" (that's a new one for me) at all. I might love a platonic relationship. That would be very romantic for me. Just would never expect any healthy, warm blooded male to go for such a thing. Shame... Oh well.
 
I'm 42 and still single, the nearest I've had to a close relationship with a human female was my ex from school and that was nearly 30 years ago.
 
Happy birthday!

I've been single by choice for 5 years. After a string of failed long-term relationships, I concluded that the typical relationship paradigm absolutely does not mesh with my personality. I found it to be a lot of "putting up with someone else's BS" and just not worth it, in terms of personal expenditure vs. reward.

Also, everyone wants kids. I do not. Everyone wants to get married; I'm indifferent to the idea and slightly wary of the risks involved in declaring such a legal status. The list goes on, bottom line is that I just can't contort myself enough to accommodate a way of being that flies in the face of logic.

I'm not asexual or aromantic, but I just feel like a stripe among spots when it comes to the idea of what constitutes a romantic relationship.
 
I also don't like being touched so am not sure how this would work in a relationship. Maybe try dating another aspie? I'm 24 and have only had one boyfriend. Hoping to find a girlfriend soon though but it'll probably be hard.
 
I used to worry about it when I was younger (I'm 26) but over the past several years I feel like I just don't have the drive to find a partner - if someone happened to come along who I fell in love with, sure, but otherwise I'm not really interested. It's just not something I ever felt was an integral part of life (not to mention it would be more difficult, seeing as I'm not interested in men).
 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY and welcome to this forum :) It's a good place to be- members are friendly, accepting, supportive and helpful also informative!

I'm NT, not aspie, but have chosen to remain single (after divorce) in preference to being with a jerk. If the right guy came along, well that would be a different story, XD.
 
I don't choose to stay single, but I don't go looking for dates. Yes, I do have a dating profile, but I haven't updated it in a few months.

There was a time a year or two back when I delved more deeply into the world of romance. Where I put more effort into finding someone. And I did meet some cool women. But lately I haven't been so enthused about it. And right now i reckon if i spent the rest of my life without a partner i really wouldn't care that much about it.
 
After 11 failed attempts in a row between 14 to 24 (im 26) I " choose " to stay alone . KEK
Well its not a choice but you get the idea, iv stopped trying.

Half happy and half not, Im forcing myself to stay away from attractive women and I dont consider i can have a relationship, I know I wouldnt be able to handle it but at the same time I feel its against how I feel inside so , it has its up and down I guess, like every other choice.

The idea is still in my head because I want to have a family one day, that's maybe the only one thing I realy want.
 
I'm working on talking to a girl at work. Dunno where it'll lead yet. If it doesn't lead anywhere, that's fine. More free time for me. :D
 
I like stay single for a little while longer, I eventually will want to date and get into a relationship in a couple of years time or let things slide in place naturally.
 
I have always chosen to stay single.
I've dated and had some some long term boyfriends but never wanted to live with someone else
and have to get used to them being around all the time and learning their ways.
It's a real hassle to put up with a lot of wants that you don't like and I like the freedom not to
always be thinking what they expect or want.
Yeah, they don't call it bridaled for nothing.
I'm romantic asexual. Meaning I like flirting and the romantic feelings and I can like touching, just not the sexual part.
Never wanted kids. The legal aspects I'm wary of too.

I was lucky to find a few platonic relationships that had just a little spark of attraction to make it interesting.
But, when the marriage talk started, no way. I was always happy with my freedom to just be.

A platonic live together with someone who understands me and would like to live a quiet life rather isolated
now that I'm getting older I feel would have some beneficial reasons.
Would probably have to be another Aspie with like interests.
If that ever happens, I'd go for it now.
 
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being, and remaining, single. Anyone who says otherwise is being idiotic. We don't live in the 16th century anymore where arranged marriages were a thing (they are still a thing in certain countries unfortunately though). Life is too short to force yourself into a relationship that you don't really want. That could be considered "selfish" technically, but it's not hurting anyone else by being single so who cares?
 
I had been very happily single and alone for years. It was a very comfortable lifestyle, full of independence and personal choices, freedom to come and go, of personal space and peace and quiet. I'd have said I would live very contentedly like that for the rest of my days.

Then I met my partner. She is an Aspie, and I have happily given up every part of that freedom and the peace and quiet of being single because she is the right person for me to be with if I am going to be with anyone at all. I also found that where touch has always been an issue for me before, it isn't with her at all.

There is nothing at all wrong with wanting to be single, and enjoying being single and independent if that is want anyone wants. What is wrong is having no option but be single, or be in a relationship, if that is not what you want. Neither of those choices is a selfish thing unless it negatively impacts on others.
 
I’m 22 years old who never had a girlfriend and never been on a date. I get a little jealous though when I see some of my friends spending time with their girlfriend but time I’m happy with my life being single. It’s nothing to stress about in having a girlfriend for me; I don’t see the point when things in life are going good for me.
Importantly, I’ll let love in first sight chase after me instead of me chasing after it.
If it were to happen someday I just want the an average romantic relationship and having cool conversations and what not. I just don’t want a sexual relationship.
I hope the girl I’ll meet one day likes fishing cause that would be awesome :)
 
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