Does anyone do this....

[ajoycew]

My 9 year old daughter was recently diagnosed with Asperger's, ADHD and ODD. Her councelor also thought she had OCD but she wasn't diagnosed with it. When she was 3 she started to pick and peel the skin off of her hands and feet. She said she didn't like how her skin felt so she just pulled it off. She make deep sores on herself and bathing was painful but she still did it. She thankfully stopped doing that shortly after I left her father and we got our own place. This was almost 2 years ago. Recently I noticed she had some bite looking sores on her lips and I asked her what happened. Then she showed me her tongue. She has been biting her bottom lip and her tongue in school. She tells me she don't get hungry in school so she don't eat. But when I asked her about these sores she said she does it because she gets hungry at school and doesn't want to eat or doesn't like what they have to eat. I am letting her pack her lunch now so that I know she likes what she has to eat. She came home today with a new bite on her lip. A new therapist is going to start seeing her (well all of us) at our house tomorrow evening. I have two other daughters ages 7 and 3. I will ask them about this also.

But I'm wondering if anyone on here has done things like this to themselves or know of anyone who has. Is this something steming from the Asperger's. Is it normal? I'm at a loss to understand it. She tells me it "don't hurt." But she bleeds. I saw her tongue, it was bleeding when she stuck it out and she wasn't in school at that time. I'm worried about it. Thanks for any advice or help understanding this.

 

[whale_bone]

Being over- or under-sensitive to sensory input is common on the spectrum, common complaints being: loud noises, certain pitches, flickering florescent lights, light touching, or scratchy clothing. Often people respond by "stimming" or stereotypy. This can be classic autism movements like rocking, hand-flapping, head-banging... whatever, but it can also be more subtle.

For me, I hand-flap and jump up and down when I'm over-excited and do a little side-rocking and finger-wringing when I'm anxious and overwhelmed. Not everyone will agree with me but I think hunger can function as a stim too... which is part of the reason ASDs are common among girls with restricting-anorexia. And it does help? in the short term.

Maybe your daughter will find other, less-destructive stims helpful. A little rocking or squeezing a stress-ball is pretty harmless if it calms her down. Starving, and skin-picking, not-so-much. Scheduling time-outs to decompress/ meditate can be immensely helpful and avert a lot of meltdowns in my experience. A weighted blanket can be helpful too.

 

[ajoycew]

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I do worry about her making sores on herself and she says they don't hurt. I will see if I can redirect her "stims" to something less harmful for her. I hadn't thought of trying that. But we do talk a lot about her Asperger's since we know there is a term for how her mind works. I've explained a lot about the way people use sarcasm. Hopefully I can help her find a better way to stim. Thanks again.

 

[142857]

The most my son has done is banging his head against a hard wall when he was 2 or 3 years old.

I hope that the therapist will be helpful. There are many reasons why a kid might self-harm, and they are not necessarily related to aspergers syndrome.

 

[BruceCM]

I don't know if biting my nails counts? Sorry about your difficulties & I hope you can get some help & support!

 

[ajoycew]

Thanks guys. I talked to the new therapist yesterday and they said it could be a coping mechanism. There are a LOT of issues with her dad and his mom. Since they've started going back up there for visitation, she's starting to call herself stupid and ugly again and I had gotten her out of that.

 

[gonzerd]

I used to chew on all sorts of things. At school it was mostly biro's. I'd chew them beyond recognition. Coca-Cola bottles used to have a blue plastic thingie on the inside of the cap, which I'd take out and chew on also. Until they started using caps without the blue thingie. (bastards)
I also hit myself, had holes in the wall from banging my head against it, scratching used to be an issue from time to time and I still have scars from cutting myself on a few occasions. I'm not sure if all of these were to be considered stimming or Asperger's related -family issues were in play- but undersensitivity certainly did have a role in it, as I never felt any real pain as I did it. I did feel it though, I just don't really know how to describe the exact feeling. It is a way of coping, be it with oversensitivity, or other issues, the mechanism itself is pretty much the same I think. But the lack of pain doesn't make it harmless.
Now that I have some more insight in what it is, I seem to manage to keep it confined to more harmless stims like rocking back and forth or rubbing my legs. Straightening things out or doing some sort of calculations in my head works too for me. Listening to soothing music might also be considered one, or just fidgeting with something. Having several helps in finding one that is suitable for the situation at hand. In that regard I find it's also important to be able to vent in time, otherwise the tension builds up and then the more harmfull ones might reoccur. For the main part, I'd say they can be redirected. As your daughter becomes more aware of it, and gets a better understanding of what she does and why she does it, it should become easier for her to resort to harmless stims. Keep in mind that she's probably not conscious of doing it a lot of the time. So be patient when trying to redirect.
The weighted blanket whale_bone suggested can also be quite useful. As a kid I often made up my bed very tight, and then putting all the fluffy bears I could find on top. My bed was more or less boxed in so they couldn't fall off during the night, and it did make me sleep a lot better.
Oh, and I handflap and jump up and down too when overexcited. Those are just fun.

 

[ajoycew]

Thanks for the insight, gonzerd. It helps me understand her more. I realized a while ago with her it's much better to tread softly and be very patient. If she feels pushed she will act out. She has fought me before and it's hard to get her to calm down when she gets that way. And most of the time it's some small issue that takes her overboard. So paitence is really important. I want to lead her without making her feel like my ideas are the only ones. I know my ideas are not the only or right way. I am learning here too and what I think may be comfortable for me in her situation is not going to be what will work for her. I know that. I want to help her in any way that I can and be here for her. Sometimes I don't know how to help her so I just watch and make sure she doesn't hurt herself or her sisters. She's not as aggressive as she was though. But I am seeing a change recently such as her self esteem. She is starting to call herself ugly and stupid again...often (several times a day) and she had stopped doing that for months. Now she's starting again. She is a beautiful girl. I have had lots of people tell me how beautiful she is. But her daddy did call her ugly daily and it hurt her. He'd tell her she was "uglier than a mud fence" and called her stupid often. He said it was ok because she knew he was playing with her. I told him she didn't know that and he was so serious when saying it, I couldn't tell he was playing. I don't think he was playing. I think that's just how he shrugged it off and tried to get me off his back about it. She told me that over the weekend she caught him drinking a beer and it bothered her. He was a bad alcoholic and then spent 6 months in jail for threatening my life (and he told them he was going to kill me and many ways he was going to do this). He promised them that when he got out of jail he would be different and wasn't going to drink anymore. Marie has brought it up several times since Sunday about catching him drinking. It really bothered her, and that bothers me.

 

[superboyian]

Ah... You see, with child they will believe something would be wrong like if you were to call them fat, they would probably most likely be hurt by it and so would some of the little things. But with somebody who is on the spectrum, you'll most likely find that they would take it more to heart and would have a harder time interpreting a joke so they would most likely take it to heart and that was the sort of thing I would did at that age.

It sounds like to me also that she is having a bad time at the moment.

The best thing I can think of is making her feel better by telling her what people say about her how "beautiful" she looked best to do that than not telling her at all.

 

[Spinning Compass]

I went through a stage where I was picking the skin on my palms and fingers. There were little tiny bubbles that apparently only I could see, like microscopic blisters. So I would pick at them. Maybe it was a stress thing, I don't know, it was so long ago. Yes, I got yelled at for it.

I am a compulsive scab/bandage picker. When I had surgery a few years ago it was great because I had all these bandages and scabs to worry at and pick. Now everyone knows my guilty secret.

 

[Daguerreo]

I use to bite my hand when i did an action that led to a indesirable causal effect. I might my hand still in frustration in remembering these thoguhts, or a negative memory.

 

[IContainMultitudes]

I use to bite my hand when i did an action that led to a indesirable causal effect. I might my hand still in frustration in remembering these thoguhts, or a negative memory.

I used to bite down on my hand hard enough to leave bite marks that would stay there for a few days whenever I got really angry, but thankfully I stopped doing this by about the time I was about 15 or 16.

 

[Daguerreo]

I used to bite down on my hand hard enough to leave bite marks that would stay there for a few days whenever I got really angry, but thankfully I stopped doing this by about the time I was about 15 or 16.

yes, same. Though mine lasted a day or two. I stopped at 14, but I'm doing it again, only nips though.

 

[ikarom]

I also bite my nails, finger tips and lips. It seems like I do it unconsciously most of the time and even when I notice, I have a hard time to stop. I think the best thing to do about the lips is to use medicated/non medicated lip balm. I can't speak for your daughter, but as for myself, I only tend to bite my lips when they are dry/peeled.

I don't believe your daughter purposely bites her tongue. The tongue is one thing that hurts, with or without asperger's. XD
I don't know if other people have the same occurrence, but I can go months without my tongue being a problem, but when I do happen to bite it, it may happen 3 times in the same day. lol

 

[butterfly2]

I still pick the skin on my and fingers and my feet and lips have done so since i was about 5 and not only when there was tiny white circles i would pick at. I went through phase of using needles,pins and nail cutters to get through the skin. They would bleed as well. Is this a form of self harm then. I do it when frustrated,anxious worried,bored and i enjoy doing it and leave skin all round the house and i pick at the discarded skin too. Am 43 and still do it.

 

[kiramonopoly]

I chew a certain spot on the inside of my lip-not all the time, but more and more when I'm distressed. This last time I chewed it so raw it hurt really bad and I don't think I'm gonna do that again for awhile. At least I hope I dont.
The more anxious I get the more I chew it.
I bite it alot, but not necessarily through the skin.